I had a relationship a couple months ago with this guy that I still adore. We broke up because I have emotional and mental issues – I was abusive and controlling but for the most part, unaware.
He didn’t say anything but slowly got distant and did things like have a headphone in when we were on dates. I’ve matured and seen the awful ways I treated him, I’ll regret not seeing what a monster I was, for the rest of my life. We’re still good friends and I bring him coffee sometimes on days he has exams and we still say I love you. I still have very strong feelings for him- we first liked each other years ago but only started talking and dating the year before last, we didn’t last a year, I guess I’m just not used to being in relationships but I really wish I had a second chance to make up for it.
I know I don’t deserve it and he says he loves me but doesn’t want to go through that again. I know I’ve changed and he sees that, I don’t know whether or not it’s worth it to keep trying either because sometimes he blames me for having the mental illnesses I do but never really means it. I feel so comfortable when I look into his eyes and it feels like home to have his arms wrapped around me. He’s always made me happy and I tried to make him too, I guess I failed at that though. Do I even deserve a second chance?