I had a relationship a couple months ago with this guy that I still adore. We broke up because I have emotional and mental issues – I was abusive and controlling but for the most part, unaware.
He didn’t say anything but slowly got distant and did things like have a headphone in when we were on dates. I’ve matured and seen the awful ways I treated him, I’ll regret not seeing what a monster I was, for the rest of my life. We’re still good friends and I bring him coffee sometimes on days he has exams and we still say I love you. I still have very strong feelings for him- we first liked each other years ago but only started talking and dating the year before last, we didn’t last a year, I guess I’m just not used to being in relationships but I really wish I had a second chance to make up for it.
I know I don’t deserve it and he says he loves me but doesn’t want to go through that again. I know I’ve changed and he sees that, I don’t know whether or not it’s worth it to keep trying either because sometimes he blames me for having the mental illnesses I do but never really means it. I feel so comfortable when I look into his eyes and it feels like home to have his arms wrapped around me. He’s always made me happy and I tried to make him too, I guess I failed at that though. Do I even deserve a second chance?
2 thoughts on ““Do I deserve a second chance?””
You have not healed from this yet. I think you should see a counselor, because you might need more help than you realize. However, he’s made his stance clear. He’s not interested in more than a deep friendship with you. He’s trying not to hurt you. Time to see out other avenues. It’s not a question of what you deserve. You deserve what any other human deserves: happiness. Chalk this up to a learning experience, keep him as a real friend (not a I stuck kindness quarters into you until you give me a relationship one), and heal up. I wish you the best of luck.
Like what the anon said, your ex has made his opinion clear. I personally think it would be wiser to wait for a little bit before trying to rekindle any relationship. What I interpret from what you’ve said is that the two of you still spend a lot of time together, and there is absolutely no problem with that. However, the fact that you spend a lot of time together makes me wonder if you’ve done any healing.
Don’t worry about second chances yet. Try to spend more time around other people. Don’t feel the need to shut him out of your life entirely – if you’re still good friends, that’s great. Just spend time with other people as well. You’ll cope and heal much more efficiently if you have other people to distract you.