“I love my boyfriend but we’re not right for each other”

We need different things, and I know that now, but it didn’t stop me falling head over heels for him and integrating him into my friend group. I love him, but this relationship is heading nowhere good.

We’re both in college, and that’s where we met, but we are on totally different planes academically. He failed all but one of his classes last semester while I’m trying to stay above a 3.5 for my Honors Academy standing. It makes sharing my successes with him very hard because he’s trailing so far behind me when he should be in the same classes as me. Then there’s the biggest problem I have. His life is imploding. I swear the week I decided to break up with him, everything decided to go wrong. His father had a heart attack, his mom has a possibly cancerous tumor, he failed his calc test for the second time, he’s leaving his fraternity, and now his grandfather collapsed and is most likely not going to recover. He has a history of self harm and I’m afraid if I leave he’ll lose all progress he’s made. I know that it shouldn’t be the reason I stay with him, but as I’ve said before, I still love him.

We also have the same friend group. A Venn diagram of his friends and my friends is a circle. And with the way his life is going, there’s no way I’m not the bad guy if I break it off. I really need someone to talk to but there isn’t anyone.

How do I do this? The more time I spend with him the more I want to stay with him. I just don’t know what to do.

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One thought on ““I love my boyfriend but we’re not right for each other”

  1. M says:

    Oh boy… this is hard. I can relate. the following will probably not be any kinda useful advice, just a third party reflection, on your described situation… Question is how long you’ve been together? If you Love him, you should stick with him. love is not just about happy easy times together, if he has mental problems too, he needs you now more than ever… HOWEVER.That said… I’ve been in your situation. Lived for half a decade with a man whom i loved, with whom i shared everything, friends, uni, life…who was depressed, and was dragging me down professionally because i was way ahead of him. It took me over a year of internal struggle to break it off. For me – it came down to a simple question – Would my life be better with or without him? in a long run, not just today. The answer did not come easy, but after i made a decision, i felt a wave of relieve come over me, and knew it was a right choice for me. Maybe you should ask your self the same thing. It is possible to Love someone, truly, and deeply, and not want to be with them anymore. Trust me. It is very much possible. Actually i’ve even seen a statistic somewhere that more than 70% of couples who break up, still love each other at that point. Set your priorities straight. Ask yourself, are you better off with, or without him. Thats all that matters. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS HAPPINESS. you gotta understand that. His Life, is his responsibility, Your life is yours. And this is your choice. It’s not gonna be easy. You will probably loose a lot of friends over this. I did, Almost all of them. And that was hard. But hey… it get’s better. It took me almost 2 years to heal, to stop feeling guilty, to stop feeling like an Evil one, for bailing on someone who needed me etc. But i am happier now, than i have been in years. And i never regret my decision. Don’t know if this helps at all. But i would be willing to talk to you about this if you want to. God knows i needed someone to talk to, when i was going trough this, so hey, answer here if you wanna, and we can get in contact, so you can talk it out.
    All the best

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