So, my boyfriend has been with me for 7 months now and we haven’t gone anywhere sexual because I’m only 16 and am not comfortable with that. He begs me all the time for nudes and stuff and I always deny it.
So recently he asked me if I was asexual and I looked it up and said “I guess.” The next day he asked me if it was okay if he got sexual with this other girl, with no love involved. I felt sick to my stomach so I said “I don’t deserve to interfere with your happiness so do whatever makes you happy.” Because I feel like since I can’t provide what he needs I deserve to be left behind.
I love him but it hurts to think he’s with someone else sexually even though I’m not sexual at all.. I do try but it’s hard, especially since this is my first relationship. What do I do? Please help, IDK who else to ask.
4 thoughts on ““Not ready for a sexual relationship””
First off, break up with him. You are worth so much more. You deserve better and there are men out there who are willing to wait for sex if you still feel you want a relationship.
Secondly, you wait until you are ready and don’t let a immature little boy who thinks with his privates tell you that you what you are sexually. Some people aren’t ready until their 20’s or 30’s. Some never are. Some are attracted to other genders and only date what society tells them to, because it’s what was their version of “right.”
You wait until you have learned what is right for you and only you will know what that is and when that is.
I think it’s very important that you do ONLY what you are comfortable with.
It’s perfectly normal that you feel bad about him being sexual with another girl and I do think you should have told him that…with what you told him you just gave him permission to cheat on you…and if you complain he’ll say “but you said I could”. It’s not fair for you to be in that position.
I’m not an expert but I did meet someone that was asexual, we didn’t talk much about it though. I’m sure that, if you want to go that way, there will be someone able to help you (at least to help you understand yourself) but rest assured being asexual is not a problem or a handicap, there will be someone in this world who will be your perfect match and won’t pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do…but it’s not this boyfriend you have right now for sure.
You might love him very much but if he can’t handle all of you then you shouldn’t stay with him. Asking you what he asked just means he doesn’t respect you…who would ask their girlfriend if they were ok him them cheating? “No love involved” doesn’t make it less cheating…there’s many ways he can get what he needs without cheating on you.
Honestly, I think he’s not the right one for you and sooner or later you’ll realize that as well…it may hurt now, but it will get better later!
It’s very very important that you don’t let him pressure you into having sex or doing anything related if you don’t want to, you’ve done great so far on that aspect and I hope you can figure everything out the best way possible!
Another person here to tell you PLEASE WAIT! Get away from him as FAST as you can. He’s a jerk, I promise you, and when you’re old enough to be dating mature, kind, men, you’ll look back and laugh at how silly you’re being for even considering this loser. You’ll find someone who worships you, and wants no one else.
You might think you have it bad, but it would always be worse. I have Schizoid personality disorder, so sex is REALLY uncomfortable for me emotionally (not physically). I didn’t have sex until I was 29!! Even now, I have to have sex in the dark so that I can relax enough. Sex still feels like an invasion of privacy, so it’s still no walk in the park for me, but I’m 36 now and have had 4 serious relationships, even though I only had sex with 2 of them, they all stayed with me for several years despite my issues. A note so that you don’t get discouraged, I dumped all 4 of them. None of them left me b/c of lack of sex, I’m not patting myself on the back, and I’m still very fond of all of my exes, they were all great guys, who I loved deeply. I don’t want you to think you’re going to die single b/c you’re not interested in sex. How you feel now will be nothing like you’ll feel when you’re in your mid-20s. You have a lot of growing up ahead of you, but PLEASE just wait it out. Don’t make the mistake of going anything you don’t want to do.
I had my first serious relationship when I was 19, and broke up with him when I was 23, i moved away to go back to school, and tried the long distance thing, but it didn’t work, i ended up finding someone else. I told him about my issues and we worked through it. We never went past “2nd base”. He was 8 years older than me… so you know it must have been REALLY hard to for him to stay in a sexless relationship, but he did. We loved each other very much. I promise if you wait until you’re older you’ll know when the time is right and you’ll find yourself with someone who adores you, and it will be crystal clear what you want to do, whether you should have sex with him, wait, or discuss your lack of interest with him.
Wait! There is something about sex that connects the woman and man. For a 16y/o boys this is normal for him to act this way, most boys his age will. I dont think you should loose your self respect and dignity to give in to his needs. I respect you as a person for standing up for how you feel and i think you should be firm in it. At least until after high school! 🙂