“My boyfriend has a secret relationship with another girl”

So, I was with this guy for five months, and everything was essentially perfect until just the other day, when another girl texted me saying that she was his girlfriend of five months. We compared notes and he met both of us with in a week of each other (asshole!).

I never pushed to be exclusive with him because I myself finally left a five-year relationship that was very abusive just a few months just before meeting him. Feelings are hard, and I was still feeling damaged, but he caught me off guard. He was so nice and presented himself as everything I ever wanted in a man, and he was just so damn nice and good to me.

He has two kids and is a great part-time dad — always there for his kids (I myself am a single mom), and he takes care of his sick, elderly mother. He has a good job, works really hard, and is handsome (fuck, is he hot! Ugh!). He was everything my ex wasn’t. He was perfect. 😦

All I could ever say about him, with a stupid cheesy smile on my face, was how nice he was to me. He took me out, we had tons of fun, and had really great sex. Also, he’s a man’s man, and the type of man I need because he could handle me (apparently I’m intimidating, I’ve been told). I’m a really good person, I’m pretty damn cute, and my personality is awesome!

A few weeks into dating, he told me he didn’t want to sleep with other people, and he wanted to be exclusive. I don’t like sleeping around, and even though I didn’t want to, I really started to like him. So, I agreed, but told him the idea of a “relationship” was terrifying. He said he understood, and we didn’t have to call it anything as long as we were together.

Five months in, and everything was pretty perfect. I’m ready to start to call him my boyfriend finally, and then I get this fucking bomb dropped on me! What the hell?!?

We only saw each other like twice a week, and sometimes once a week, but talked every single day. It worked for me because my daughter lives with me, I am in school, and I work, so I don’t have a whole lot of free time, anyway. I mostly saw him during the week in the daytime.

Sometimes he would cancel plans, but I never thought anything of it and was always very understanding, because his mom or his kids were always the excuse. But now I know, definitely not always the real reason. I loved that he seemed to be putting his family first. I ate that shit up!

It all turns out that his mom really isn’t that sick. and his ex-wife hasn’t actually let him take his kids for a weekend in about a month! Oh and he has a fucking drinking problem, that I had no idea was an actual problem.

Now that I know, so many things just fit together, and it makes sense. Me being busy and independent definitely worked in his favor.

I am a smart girl, and I am really feeling like I dodged a bullet here, because five months isn’t shit, but I’m still really hurt and very disappointed.

He was literally living two lives. This other girl was more of a full-time girlfriend, and she doesn’t have the responsibilities that I do. She was at his house all the time, and she formed a relationship with his mom and his kids, whereas I wasn’t pushing for it because it made me feel too anxious. I wanted to wait until we were together for longer to make sure it was going to be something we were committed to. Introducing children to each other isn’t something I feel should not be taken lightly because they are kids, and kids get attached to each other. And just-like-that he proved to me most people can’t be trusted.

I feel so fucking dumb for not being able to see it. I’m mad that I was starting to trust him and he broke that trust. I was cautious, but I was nothing less than perfect to him and he made me so happy, and he was so good to me from what I knew.

I think he probably will stay with this other girl because I talked to her and she is a weak-ass bitch. She is not capable of the level of wrath that I could put on his ass (but I haven’t, and I am trying really hard not to, but I so badly want to fucking destroy him, emotionally). The anger comes and goes.

After talking to her, I can see that she is a really broken person too. Apparently, she caught him in some other stuff with other girls too (that I had no idea about) and she didn’t find out about me for a few more weeks. I’m smacking my head like bitch, he didn’t just cheat like once and maybe it’s something that’s not that big of a deal. He had two girlfriends – he’s been dating both of us the whole time that we have known him!

He got caught because after his other girlfriend found out about the other three hoes, she started going through his phone. He was deleting all my texts, but fucked up because he was blocking my number during the day if he was with her, and unblocking it at night (he works third shift). I believe that when my number was blocked that his phone was off because he was sleeping. I mean that’s understandable, I’m not an idiot.

The level of lying he did was shit you only see in movies, it was so deep! It’s no wonder that he was often exhausted and stressed out – I bet living a double life is hard.

I don’t want him back and I don’t want to work it out, I didn’t leave a bad five-year relationship so I could jump right back into another shitty one, but still, I am very hurt.

At first I was in shock, because seriously, how can someone lie that much? It blows my mind (and he was good at it).

I feel like I can’t trust anyone. The man of my dreams doesn’t exist, so I should just give up. He keeps telling me he is sorry and that he wishes he didn’t do this to me, blah, blah, blah. He says what we had wasn’t a sham, it was real, and that he got greedy and it all blew up in his face.

I seriously would not have known if this other girl wasn’t like a crazy-ass super-spy, hacking into his phone and shit. I know he’s trying to stay with her, because he knew he blew his chance with me. I’ve made it very clear, but I can  still see him trying to lay the groundwork to weasel his way back to me (just in case, if by some act of god, this dumb girl actually does leave him).

I feel a little jealous, but for what? I mean i know I’m better off. He isn’t actually the person I fell for, not fully. I think she was the reality and I was the fantasy, He dumped all his shit on her from what she told me. He was pretty much walking all over her and she still wants to let him. But when he was with me, he was who he really wants to be – the hero, the perfect father, son, boyfriend, and a little bad-ass.

He played the role so well. I was really fooled. I even showed the other girl how even now he’s still lying and asking me if he can “stop by” after I’m more than sure he told her that he would never talk to me again in order to keep her around.

I dropped truth bomb after truth bomb on his ass so fast he knew it would be easier to get her back than me, maybe?

I feel like I want to choke his ass and destroy him emotionally. I also want to get so fucked up that I forget he exists and I want to fuck no less than four dudes and send him pictures of me fucking bigger cocks than his because he’s insecure about his size. But I haven’t, and I won’t. I haven’t eaten, I’ve neglect all my responsibilities, and I’ve laid in bed for the past three days.

I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s driving me crazy! I can’t understand why she is so stupid or why I feel so hurt when I feel like I have a pretty firm hold on the reality of the situation.

8 thoughts on ““My boyfriend has a secret relationship with another girl”

  1. Abe says:

    First off. Fuck! This is some novela type shit. Secondly it’s understandable that you would feel betrayed and hurt. I mean this was a guy that you opened up to. You allowed yourself to be vulnerable and trusted him. Don’t be so hard on yourself, he’s the asshole and liar! Don’t allow for this scum bag to affect your entire life, it’s his loss. He obviously has a lot of issues, you just had the misfortune of meeting him. There may never be a Mr. Perfect but you at least deserve someone who is going to be faithful and honest.

  2. Bitch-and-a-half says:

    That sucks. I would feel so mad angry at him, at her, and at myself for still being in love with him. It’s really annoying that you can’t just turn off those feelings, especially when you know you shouldn’t have them and that you don’t love who he is, but yet you still sort of do. Having those feelings and not knowing how to get rid of them is just the worst torture ever. You can’t think away your feelings. You can’t rationalize them away, or convince them to leave, no matter how strong your case is.
    I know this because I’m doing it to. I hate the jerks who f’d me over, but I hate them because I did have feelings for each one at one time. I’m mad at them for not really being the awesome person they pretended to be, for being dishonest, for needing more than one person- I should say multiple girls all at once, for not leaving me alone when obviously they weren’t interested in on something serious. It sucks.
    Be mad, be sad, cry, scream, breathe, let yourself feel your feelings- allow yourself to feel. Tell your mind to shut up. Your mind can do all the rationalizing it wants, but it’s not able to communicate this message to your feelings. your feelings are not going to understand words and your feelings are not going to change just by you explaining to yourself why you shouldn’t feel bad. Let yourself feel what you feel this is not a time to look at what makes sense because emotions don’t make sense.
    whatever you’re feeling is OK and just know that feelings are temporary – no feelings last forever – (for example -have you ever been angry like really really angry for days at a time, until you finally become tired of being angry, and then you not angry anymore? ).
    Unfortunately guys do things that don’t make sense I’ll never understand them I don’t think girls will ever understand them we just we won’t understand why they do what they do and what they do can really suck and is just selfish and shitty and it sucks and I hope that we can all find guys who won’t do this I don’t know what the solution is but you can get through it. I hope something good happens to you- real soon!

  3. Callie Ferguson says:

    Similar thing just recently happened to me. We dated for a year, I broke up with him because we never got to see each other but we remained best friends and were still in love. It was the greatest relationship I’ve ever had and he was the most important person in the world to me.

    Last week I found out that five months into our “perfect relationship” he met another girl, told her he was single without even being asked and started hooking up with her regularly. He saw us every week and even made plans with both of us on Valentine’s Day. He told her he loved her and that she was his best friend. Their fling simmered out a month before I broke up with him.

    My trust in everyone has disappeared, because for the two and a half years I’ve known him he’s been the one person I thought I could trust above anyone. He’s done this to girls before but this was his first important relationship, like it was mine.

    I’m not like any other girl he’s cheated on, though. I never get mad at anything (when people talk behind my back or break promises), because I save my anger for the stuff that really hurts. This really hurts. I suggest to go with your instincts and be a merciless, vengeful bitch. Inside or outside of the law, doesn’t matter. Burn down his house. Hire someone to break both his legs. Pretend you’re pregnant and then after four months kill your unborn baby in front of him. Use your imagination, as long as he never, ever does this again.

  4. Natalie says:

    I don’t know if you’ll see this because I know this article is a couple years old but I just came across it because I’ve been searching the web for some answers because this just happened to me. We we’re together for over two years and we had another girlfriend before meeting me I didn’t know about. Some much I just learned about the whole situation and it blows my mind. I understand where your mind must have been at during this time…hopefully for you, your way past this bad relationship and on to bigger and better things!

    • Chrissy lou says:

      Hi Nathalie, how did things work out for you. I just had a similar thing happen and it is terrible. I am trying to connect to with others to see how they dealt with the grieving process. This is an old post so hopefully you are doing much better.

  5. Mum says:

    What I can’t seem to find on the web is any information as to WHY men do this? My “boyfriend” has had two other women since before we met 7 years ago. It’s like he’s collecting a harem. As far as I can tell, the other two don’t know about anything. For someone who is fairly lazy, he’s made a very busy life for himself juggling lies and who knows how many women. Why? Why? Why?

  6. Ouch says:

    Oh dear! I feel like I was just reading my life. This is the most wicked shit ever and I’m currently trying to make sense of every thing that happened. The difference in my story is that were THREE of us. Yes, I said three! And then some on the side. But for the life of me, I just can’t frigging understand how he even managed all of this. We were always together, always chatting and texting on the phone, there was never much time that went by when I wasn’t talking to him. Yet, he was hanging out, catering to, having sex with, and buying things for these other women. I am devastated that I have been emotionally manipulated for over two and half years. I pray that you’re doing much better!m because this pain is no joke!!!

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