I’ve been with this guy for a few years. We’ve been through hell together and have both learned a lot from our relationship and each other. But my financial situation put me in a really tough spot about two years ago. I ran out of options. I needed to get away from my toxic family, and my boyfriend had been out of state for months “on vacation” without me.
I ended up living in a pop-up trailer. I was pissed off. Eventually, we broke up. I thought it would be over for good and decided to make sure I never went back by moving out of state.
I’m several thousand miles away now, but for the last few months, we’ve started talking again, and everything is going well. We have both apologized profusely to each other over the phone, and we have had a lot of deep talks about the past and future. I love him like I have never loved anyone else. He is absolutely the love of my life, and it tears me apart that I can’t financially make my way back to my home state.
But here is the worst part: Since there is no work where I am living now, I am paying rent with my body. I owe my roommate nothing financially. I am only sleeping with him, and only because I will end up on the street if I don’t. I never wanted this guy to touch me, and I feel terrible about it — like I am being taken advantage of, because I’m young and basically helpless.
I don’t know what to do. I know if I tell my boyfriend what’s going on, it will break his heart. I don’t want to sleep with this guy. The guilt is absolutely killing me, and I don’t want to be dishonest, but I feel like he won’t believe I truly would never do this. I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life. What the hell do I do?