“Can I forgive him, or should I leave?”

I’ve been with my boyfriend 15 months, living together for 6. I’m 27.

Up until a week ago, my life revolved around this man. I never believed in soulmates or anything, but he was my best friend. He made me feel like it could be true. I trusted him with my life.

About a week ago, I was talking to a friend about a girl my boyfriend used to live with. My boyfriend had told me this girl was obsessed with him, that she had kissed him on the cheek once, but that was it. Nothing else had ever happened.

I had a niggling feeling, and I remember asking him a few times about this girl. Each time he got cross and told me I had to trust him.

So, I did.

He kept this girl as a friend on social media etc, despite swearing he wasn’t friends with anyone he’d been involved with.

Anyway, chatting to this friend (who knows the girl), and she said to me, “there are two sides to every story, and you should hear the other side.”

I called my boyfriend to ask if he knew was this meant. Once again. he said nothing had happened.

When I got home that night. he blindsided me. He told me that around the time we were first getting together and I was falling in love with him, he slept with this girl. I can’t believe it.

It’s not so much that it happened — although that kills me. It’s all the lies. He says he didn’t tell me because he knew he would lose me, but that he planned to tell me soon as he wanted to propose! Imagine! “Btw, I slept with that girl I lied to you about repeatedly. Will you be my wife?”

He says it was the biggest mistake of his life, and he is begging for another chance. But I feel like he only told me because he was about to get found out. My feelings range from inconsolable heartbreak to intense jealous rage. I want to make him feel the pain I feel. The fact other people knew makes me feel like a total fool. I planned my life with this man. I viewed him as my best friend. Everything is tied up with him — home, savings, etc. I want to go back to how we were. But deep down, I honestly don’t know if I will ever trust him again.

I’m not strong enough to cope with it. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I cry all the time, I feel sick. I have no one to talk to about it. What do I do?

2 thoughts on ““Can I forgive him, or should I leave?”

  1. Joanna says:

    I think you should let this go. It’d be one thing if he kept on seeing her behind your back. But he ultimately chose YOU over her. I think that speaks for a lot.

    PS- Don’t worry so much about Facebook friends. It’s utterly meaningless. His real friends are who he hangs out with and keeps in touch with.

  2. Unbounded says:

    So your soul mate slept with someone else when, it sounds like, the two of you had just started dating but weren’t exclusive yet? You were falling for him, but people fall in love at different times/rates. Honestly, I understand why he didn’t tell you. For him it was a one-off, something that happened before he was fully committed to you, and has nothing to do with his feelings for you. You have to decide what is more important: something that happened a year and a half ago, or what your relationship is like (and has been like) in the last year and a half. If he’s given you no other cause for the anger and jealousy, then my advice would be to see if you can work past this – because it doesn’t sound like it was actually a betrayal of you at all, although I understand how it feels that way.
    Bottom line is, really, do you want to stay together and, can you get control of your emotions in order to do that?
    Also, don’t get married for another couple of years, trust me. You aren’t ready yet.

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