“Should I wait for him?”

So about 4-5 months ago, I started dating this guy (I’m in college) and it was great. I ended up falling in love with him and everything was perfect. But then he decided to rush a fraternity, and things started to go badly. He was getting very stressed out and frustrated because of all the pledge stuff he had to do, and he kind of took it out on me. I tried to be there for him and provide whatever support I could because I knew it must’ve been hard, but eventually I started to get too stressed out as well. So I suggested that we take a break until he’s done. He didn’t want to, but I insisted because I thought that it would help us. That was about a month and a half ago, and I honesly want more than anything to be with him. But when we talked a couple of weeks back, he said that he just doesn’t want a relationship right now, he wants to be alone. He swears it’s nothing to do with me and that if he were to be with anyone that it would be me. I asked if we could hang out or get lunch or something, but he said no because he “would get the feels for me again” and he doesn’t want to. I really love him, but would it be crazy for me to wait and see if he comes around or am I wasting my time? There’s a part of me that thinks that one day he’ll change his mind, and he said that if he does he’ll let me know.

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5 thoughts on ““Should I wait for him?”

  1. resullins says:

    Yes, you should absolutely move on. This guy may love you, but he’s discovered that now he’s not shit in a frat and he wants to explore his other options. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship because a relationship would be a burden to the lifestyle he wants now.

    And he’s keeping you dangling by telling you that he still has feelings for you… and frankly, that’s some bullshit. You deserve better. It’s sad when you realize that your first love may not be the one… but trust me, it happens to almost every person on this planet. We all survived. Lick your wounds, and go out and explore your new world! You’re in college, too! Go have fun! If you two still have feelings for each other later, and you want the same things, then that’s awesome. But right now, he’s just setting you on the back burner in case he doesn’t decide on some tasty new dish.

    Good luck! I really hope you don’t waste too much more time feeling bad over this!

    • Drew says:

      I’m with resullins on this one. You’re in college – go have fun! You need to grow and learn and figure out you. Also, it sounds like he didn’t handle the relationship well when there was stress (from pledging?). That should absolutely be a red flag. Grownup land is FULLof stress (and not always the “holy shit I need to recover from a hangover in time to get to my 8am class”). Being able to deal well with your partner during stressful times is an important skill. Keep in touch with him. Don’t just ditch him, but date other guys and figure out what makes you happy.

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    Listen to his words, not his actions. It sounds like he’s trying to break up with you, but not come across as a dick about it. Ultimately, he doesn’t want to be with you. Remember that.

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