I just wanted to vent out and needed an advice

We are LDR. Yesterday, we argued about me suddenly changing plans.

— long story about changing of plans —
It was monday, I was supposed to play that night with a friend but I changed my mind (since we are LDR and I wanted to spend time with her) and thought that we should at least watch an anime before me playing. but then my a friend of mine asked if we can come over to his house tomorrow (tuesday), so I told her that I won’t be playing that night and we’ll just watch anime the whole night. She told me that she was going out in wednesday so I told my friends that we move the plan in Wednesday (since she wont be at home that day)

she got pissed and she hung up on me. I got angry so I didn’t called her back. After an hour or so, I messaged her and tried to talk to her. Sending cute and funny stickers and trying to make her laugh. It worked though, but when I told her that it was an overnight stay, she got angry again (angry because I didn’t told her upfront/that it was so childish not telling her upfront)

and things got worse, she started telling me that I dont care for her. that I didn’t even called her back after she hunged up. now everything’s downhill from there. She started telling me that all she wanted was affection. That I should show that I love her. I tried to tell her that I love her; that I don’t want her to go away but she rebutted everything I said. She’s telling me that I am not making an effort in being affectionate to her and understanding her.

I tried, I repeatedly told her I am sorry if I didn’t told her directly that it was an overnight stay and that I didn’t called her back. I explained why I did those things. I told her I didn’t call her back because I dont want to say stupid things (since I was angry at that time). It was a wall of text. I told her I love her, I pleaded her not to breakup.

But still, that wasn’t the thing that she wanted from me. She repeatedly saying that I don’t know what she wants. But deep in my mind, she wanted affection and I am wrong if I thought that is what I was giving her.

Long story short, I managed to make up with her by wooing her and making her laugh.

Today, we are okay (I think) and as I am writing this, I am thinking of something we can do today since I won’t be going to work.

3 thoughts on “I just wanted to vent out and needed an advice

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    [First off, changing plans on someone at the last minute, even if there’s a perfectly good reason for it, can be kind of frustrating. So, on some level, I do get why she’s annoyed at you.

    On the other hand, expecting you to call her back and, what, grovel (?) after hanging up on you? And expecting you to read her mind (i.e., the comment about you not knowing what she wants)? That’s kind of passive-aggressive and immature. Personally, I think you reacted the right way by not calling her back immediately. You knew you were bad, so you gave yourself time to cool off — that’s a pretty mature move.

    From what you’ve described, while I do agree with her initial annoyance, I feel like she’s seriously overreacting and being a bit of a drama queen. Then again, I suspect there’s much more to the story than what you’ve described. Why does she feel like she doesn’t get enough affection from you? Why does she feel like you don’t care about her? Why does this seem to be a constant source of strife between the two of you?

    Honestly, that sounds to me to be the crux of your issue here. So rather than focus on an isolated incident, I think you need to think about — and openly discuss — how you are or are not meeting each other’s needs in the relationship.

  2. EricaSwagger says:

    [I am the type to get very annoyed when people change plans on me, especially a boyfriend, and especially when I’m in an LDR and missing him.

    It’s understandable that you want to spend time with your girlfriend AND your friends, but try to be better about changing things up on her last minute. Based on my own experience, she probably misses you and was really looking forward to your time together, maybe more than she let on. To me, a boyfriend cancelling plans is borderline insulting and it really pisses me off — my last two boyfriends did it to me all the time. It was like, because we were in an established relationship and saw each other the most often (as opposed to their family or friends), that our plans didn’t really matter or weren’t concrete, and my time wasn’t as important. I felt as though they would rather disappoint me than disappoint their friends or family and I’m not sure why that was, but it made me feel disrespected and that I wasn’t a priority, so I totally understand where your girlfriend is coming from.

    That said, I would never behave like she did. I would address my disappointment and explain that it felt like he was choosing other people over me, and I’d much prefer him to make these types of plans ahead of time or politely turn them down if we already had plans. Or at the very least, run it by me before accepting new plans and come up with a compromise or way to make it right. Your girlfriend behaved like a child who didn’t get their way, which is obnoxious.

    I think you should first, sincerely apologize for blowing her off, then, seriously address that her reaction was uncool. Once you’ve both apologized you can move on as a team. Then make a point to not do it to her again.

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