he disappeared 13 days ago

Heres my very long and detailed story. I met someone online and he was very consistent In texting me. Every day from good mornings to good night’s and sometimes we would talk on the phone. We agreed to meet 2 weeks later. The first date was awesome I felt we had a great connection. Dinner and movies. Ended with a peck on the lips. I did notice he mentioned his ex a lot during dinner by the way. .. We continued texting and talking daily and he asked me out again. A week later we went on a second date. (Saturday)dinner and movies and a walk. Short french kiss. on Monday I met him for lunch in his town 40 miles away. Lengthy french kiss there. He was in my town later that day for work and we met again. Full blown makeout session. Wednesday we met for coffee and Friday he came for a breakfast date where he took me to a park to feed the ducks and walk in a rose garden. Saturday we went on another date. That night I couldn’t resist so I invited him In. He seemed like he wanted to take it slower bc we pretty much just cuddled and went to bed. The next morning I asked him for it so we had sex (really wish I’ve waited) he went home and came back that night. We continued texting but now his text were a lot less than before but still consistent everyday. He asked me out again for Saturday but I told him I had to go to a birthday party. I invited him just to be nice. I didn’t think he’d agree but he said that would be fun. He came and met my brothers everything was fine. He spent the whole weekend with me. Monday came and I passed through his town so I saw him twice. When I got home he texted me that his ex called with some crazy shit that she just had a baby and it was his. I vaguely remember he told me his ex was pregnant. I just never caught on that it couldve been his. I didn’t text him for a while after that. He texted me that this does not change anything between us. For the next few days I was distant towards him. He said he’s not interested in his ex and she’s not interested in him. His feelings for me hasn’t changed. So I continued talking to him. I came to his apartment on Thursday we did not have sex. Just eat and watch tv. He invited me to his Christmas party for work so I invited him for thanksgiving. He said he was excited. Saturday he came to see me after he watched his 3 or 4 week old baby. I thought it was strange that the mom would just leave the baby to him. He doesn’t have any other kids. He told me he had to Google about newborns. He sent me a couple pictures of her she was so cute looked just like him. He came to see me that Saturday we went to dinner. I thought it was strange he seemed agitated that he had to give his child’s mother $1000. He was talking all this crap about her even showed me a picture of her in his phone. Total disrespect. I said you still like her bc you keep talking about her. He disagreed but I’m not dumb. So after dinner we went to the movies and he stayed Sunday as well. We continued texting and talking and saw each other a couple times that week. He then told me he had to watch his baby Saturday and Sunday so he suggested I stay with him Saturday night and he would stay with me Sunday night. Saturday night I noticed he was a bit distant but we were watching a movie so not much talking. We had sex that night. I went home the next morning. Didn’t hear from him until 3 or 4pm. He tried to make small talk. Then he continued to say his baby’s momma Needs a break he might have to watch the baby overnight. He would tell me when he found out. I was furious not because he cancelled but by the way he said it and bc “baby momma” said she needed a break. I felt so stupid at that moment. I just texted back that I understand. He then texted me “can you talk?” It sounded like the dreaded break up words coming but I wasn’t sure. I just texted back I might call back later if I get home early enough I’m about to go eat. I never heard from him again. I haven’t tried to contact him either. Fear of rejection. Even though I already got rejected from him vanishing into thin air. It’s been 13 days now. I guess he just wasn’t that into me or he tried to make it work with the ex? Or he just wasn’t interested anymore. Since then I see him on the online dating site again. I viewed his page once hoping to get attention but I still haven’t heard anything. I know I need to move on. I’m trying I just think about him all the time even though he’s hurt me this way. I feel so used and disposable. I really thought I was special but I was silly to think that. It happened way too fast it fizzled out. All this in 2 months. Lol it wasnt even a committed relationship but i still feel sad and confused. I would like some words of closure. Even though this disappearing act should be closure enough. Sometimes your head and your heart dont tell you the same things!! Should I just leave it be. I’m trying my hardest not to text him and embarrass myself. What do you think about all this? Any kind of feedback would be great. Thanks!

10 thoughts on “he disappeared 13 days ago

  1. Joanna says:

    [I notice the communication in this “thing” is all one way. He contacts you. If you want to contact him, don’t be afraid to. Communication is a 2 way street.

  2. Matt Sanchelli says:

    [I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling hurt, and used. It sounds like the two of your went through a lot in two months.

    There is one problem I’m having with everything that you wrote. A vast majority of the things you mentioned on the way he feels (about you and his ex) seem to be merely speculation. While I don’t know the exact context in which we talked about his ex, particularly early on in the relationship; it seems somewhat validated for him to mention/talk about her after discovering the he had a baby with her.

    If he’s a decent guy, and I’m certainly hoping he is if you’re hurting over having not heard from him lately, he probably wants to be a part of this child’s life and therefore means there is going to be some interaction with his ex. He may also have the understanding that having a newborn can be a lot of work, and difficult, for a single parent, so where he said the mother “needs a break” that could be completely valid.

    Now, to get more to the point (in regards to your blurb title) has he really disappeared for 13 days? The way I see it is that the last time the two of you spoke [texted] he then wanted to talk and you avoided that, saying you might call him back if you’re not out to late.

    If I were him I would have interpreted that as if I didn’t hear from you that night that you would then call when you had the time. My rationalization would have been, if you were out late that night before then you may not be up the next day until later. Factor in the possibility of not knowing if you then had any plans for that day it would really be a crap-shoot knowing when this conversation could really happen.

    The way I see it he could very well be thinking the same thing that you are, “Huh…well I guess she wasn’t in to me as much as I thought she was.”

    You’ve already admitted to avoiding him (that night and after) so who’s to say that if he had called (not texted…called) the following day, or two, that you would have even answered?

    I hate to have to put it this way but from the picture you painted here…you only have yourself to blame for him having “disappeared” for the last 13 days.

    The actions you have taken have been rather passive-aggressive, ex: looking at his online dating profile hoping for him to reach out to you. If you really want to talk to him, get closure, or whatnot…then call him.

    Don’t wait for him to contact you.

  3. LCP says:

    [Dude just had a baby and it sounds like he’s trying to do right by the kid, even if he doesn’t want a relationship with the baby’s mom. Think of it this way: if he completely ignored the fact that he’s now a parent and focused solely on you, would that be the kind of person you want? I’m sorry you’re feeling used, but it sounds to me like he put a casual budding relationship with you on hold to focus on the more important relationship with his baby.

    Whether he’s getting back together with the baby’s mom or not (and as Matt Sanchelli pointed out, your info about his feelings on his ex are purely speculation), he’s just had an overwhelming change in his life. If you want to be in his life, you’ll have to take some responsibility on yourself. Sounds like you were the one who stopped contact, not him.

    If you can keep all these things in mind and you still want to date him, then stop waiting for him to text you and just call! But if you feel it’s really over and you don’t want to get in touch, then keep in mind that “closure” isn’t something another person can give you. It’s a state of mind, and you’ll reach it once you accept that he’s out of your life for good.

  4. Joyce says:

    [I agree with everything Matt said.

    If you really want closure, call him back. If he does or does not respond, get over it and move on with your life.

  5. reezie1987 says:

    [Thanks everyone on your input. I totally understand that he’s a father now and I wasn’t going to fit in. I just took it as he blew me off. Bc before that for 2 straight months i talked to him everyday. I just saw that he took that oopportunity to end it. Which hurt there were no words to be said. Just silence. And yes he seemed to be a really good person. Im happy for him and his new life. I really need to get over it. Actually It has been a lot better. I’ve been thinking of him less and less. It just takes time to heal. I keep thinking though….what if maybe one day he called. What do I say? Or do I ignore it.

  6. Joyce says:

    [Then why are you doing this–asking and then not doing anything about it?

    Good luck with your life.

    • reezie1987 says:

      [Thank you. Because I don’t want to chase a man. Lol. I figured if he wanted to talk to me he would’ve contacted. I guess it’s a pride thing that I have. I just can’t get myself to contacting him. I’m just going to let it go. But I wanted to be prepared if he did contact me again. So I’m asking opinions. Thanks.

  7. reezie1987 says:

    [So I contacted him this morning after 2 1/2 weeks. I just said I was thinking of him having to drive (for work) in the storm and to be careful. He texted back 10 minutes later saying thank you. That he doesn’t have to go in today unless it’s oncall. And I didn’t know what to say after that so it’s been 7 hours now I haven’t responded. I would’ve responded right away if he had said something like. You be careful too. But he didnt. So I didn’t know what to say. I think it’s a dead end now. Should i text again?

  8. Joyce says:

    [I would have said, “oh good, glad you don’t have to drive in the rain” at least and just left it at that. And, yes, sounds like a dead end. But, that’s okay. Life goes on and for the better.

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