Having trouble moving on from breakup

Despite hiding my pain…

it’s been nearly 5 months since my first love left me and I’m still in so much pain over losing her. I’m mad at myself for not being able to let this all go, and at her for treating my love for her like it’s nothing, and moving on to another guy AND TELLING ME ABOUT IT, as if she’s directly spitting in my face. I told her I had forgiven her, but, I was so hurt, I just told her to never speak to me again for a while, I had her block me off completely last week. I am proud of myself for this and the fact I live for myself now more than ever…but I still feel so much pain inside I rarely express. But I still have to see my exes siblings at the MA school I met her, and it hurts me how much I still remember her. Remember all the things we did together, the things we enjoyed so much…

I’ve tried to get back out there, but nothing has worked so far.

4 thoughts on “Having trouble moving on from breakup

  1. Solstice says:

    [I’m not sure what you mean by getting back out there, but if you mean dating, it’s probably too soon for that for you. Try to go out with friends and spend time with them, maybe join some new clubs or try to take up some new hobbies. Don’t worry about dating, but fill your free time with activities so you won’t be sitting at home thinking about your ex.

  2. AKchic says:

    [I’m going to assume you’re still young. As in, teenager to roughly 21. This is not a bad thing if you are. This just gives me perspective and a place to start.

    First off, if you are young, I want you to understand that no matter what I say, I am not judging, nor am I coming down on you. I’ve been (what I assume to be) your age. I’m not all that much older (than what I assume you to be).

    When someone is in their teen years, hormones make a person feel things much more intensely then they would as an adult. They also aren’t always able to process their feelings/emotions as well because they are still growing and trying to formulate their own ideas/thoughts/etc.

    Right now, you have intense feelings. Your ex is trying to be your friend. Rightly, you aren’t ready for this and have requested no-contact. She is not trying to spit in your face (figuratively or otherwise). She is trying to be a good person and show both herself and the public that she is a good person and can be friends with an ex. This is not a failing on either of your parts.
    Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Many relationships are finite. Meaning, they will end eventually. This relationship has run it’s course.

    You have the added issue of her being your first love. Yes, a lot of things will remind you of her. Her siblings are one of those things. However, they do not have the option of choosing who they are related to. Trust me, if we had the option to choose our blood relatives, I would not have many of the ones I do.
    It will take time. You sound like a sensitive person. You will need time. I would recommend not dating until you can see her siblings without getting angry about the break-up. Instead, you should look at new (or old/dropped) hobbies or activities as well as MA (which I’m assuming is martial arts?). Please talk to your guidance counselor to see about someone to talk to. A lot of schools now have free psychiatrists for students in the schools now, available for all students to use. A psychiatrist or counselor might be able to help you come up with some personalized coping skills or activities to help you move on.

    Everyone is human. It is human to grieve the loss of a relationship. Anger is a part of the grieving process. However, if you feel that you have been angry for too long, you should really talk to someone who is trained to handle your situation (I am not).

    I do wish you the best. Try not to dwell on the past or your ex.

  3. Dariusk says:

    [Hey, congratulations!

    Okay, I can see how my enthusiasm at your pain can be a little confusing, so I should probably explain.
    From how you’ve described your ex, this is the best outcome you can hope for. The alternative is that you’d still be with someone who you’ve just described as a total “B”.
    Now that you know what she’s really like, can you say with confidence that you aren’t better off without her?
    There’s nothing wrong with feeling a little melodramatic, broken hearted, hurt, whatever you want to call it. We all go through it, and it’s unavoidable, even when logic dictates that the person we were hurt by, turned out to be someone who really wasn’t worth our time. The memories and remnant feelings will still be there for a while, that’s not necessarily a bad thing and I wouldn’t really recommend trying to escape them. But every time you settle on those memories and remember how you felt, just smile and know that you’ll have all those things again one day and more, with someone who won’t spit in your face or treat your love it was nothing.

    This may be a hard thing to do right now, but understand that one day, you’ll see your ex and in that moment you’ll want to rush to her, hug her and thank her for leaving you. If you can be someone who constantly has hope for the future rather than suffer depressions of the past, in that moment you’ll know that leaving you was the best thing she could have done, and your life might not be as amazing as it is if she hadn’t.

  4. asmythe says:

    [I’m doing better now. I may never forget my first love, she will always be in the back of my mind…but I can still smile and carry on.

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