Should I Get Married?

I am twenty two, and my fiancÚ and I have been together for three years. He is everything I want in life- we have all of the same goals and ideals- and, no, we are not pregnant.
When my fiancÚ proposed I was so excited to tell my family- they love him and so I couldn’t wait to start planning for the wedding with my mom.
But when I told everyone, instead of being excited for me, I keep being told not to rush into a marriage. Nobody is telling me to break up with my fiancÚ, no one can tell me any reason why he isn’t “the one”- they just keep saying that I am throwing away so many opportunities by getting married so young.
I am really torn. I want to follow my heart and happily get married, but when so many people say the same thing you start to wonder if they have a point.
So, should I follow my heart or listen to everyone elses heads?

9 thoughts on “Should I Get Married?

  1. DavidIsGreat says:

    [Everyone is telling you to be cautious because the divorce rate is like 60%. Their hearts are in the right place.

    They’ll try to get in your head because they don’t want you to make a spontaneous decision that could eventually be a costly mistake. But are any of the reasons they give you enough to persuade you not to marry?

    We married at 23. You couldn’t talk us out of it, and people tried. If you both understand the commitment and both understand the risk, why not?

  2. Joanna says:

    [You don’t really give us enough information about your fiance to say for sure what is the reason but it seems like your family doesn’t see it as the perfect fit or maybe they don’t like your fiance and are too polite to tell you. Also, if there’s ever been any kind of cheating,, do not marry him.

  3. Happy Pants says:

    [David is right. They’re telling you not to rush into it not only because the divorce rate is so high, but also because you’re on the young side of the average marriage age in this country (I think it’s 26 for women [sidenote: sweet! I’m above average!]), and they don’t want you to get married young and then regret not having done all those things you can’t do when you’re married. I’ve yet to see a list of those things, but I kind of get it. You get married, you settle down, before you know it you’ve popped out a couple of kids, and then you’re tethered to this family life at a really young age… Or at least that’s their reasoning.

    I don’t know enough about him or your relationship to tell you whether you should get married. If your heart is telling you to do it, do it. Just make sure you’ve thought about it from all the different perspectives: will getting married hinder your career? Can you see yourself raising kids with this guy? Do you want to get married or have a wedding?

  4. AKchic says:

    [I can see where “they” are coming from. I married the first time when I was 18, the second time when I was 20. I’m a week from 29 and about to start my 3rd. You see where this is heading? Yeah… if things go according to my statistical average, in another 15 years I’ll be on my 4th.

    Now, you don’t specify WHAT they are saying, just that they are saying not to rush into marriage. Well, that can mean a lot of different things. Do they want you to have a long engagement (2+ years) or do they want you to wait another year or two before you get engaged? Do they have reasons WHY you should wait for marriage (i.e., schooling/school loans/school scholarships are very good reasons to wait on getting married)?

    Do you have a compelling reason why you should get married RIGHTNOWBEFOREITSTOOLATE? No? Well, chill out, relax, and enjoy a relatively long engagement. It pleases the parents, you get a good while to sort out what kind of wedding you want, you get TIME to save up for that wedding, finish your education (if that is something you need to do), and, give your parents time to adjust. You may be the oldest (or youngest) of the family and the adjustment might be an age shock for the parents who want their daughter to stay “young” so they stay young by proxy. Marriage is a big step (for them and for you), therefore they don’t WANT you to be ready for it because they may not be ready for it.
    *laugh* I went through a lot of this with my mother when I was pregnant with my first. Some of the logic strings she went through were comedy gold.

  5. Solstice says:

    [Yes, it’s young for this day and age, but if you feel confident about it and aren’t second guessing anything, then go for it! But as others have said, if they have legitimate concerns, then take some time to think about things and if it’s the path that you truly want to go down at this point in life.

  6. karlos says:

    [Everyone seems to have mentioned the rushing into it part, but we live in a world where you can put your unborn child on facebook. You’ve been together 3 years, that’s eons to some people. It’s all relative.

    If you can look at your partner and honestly say, “I could spend the next 60 years waking up next you” You’re set. If not, you may wish to slow down and think about it, or start smoking.

  7. lilredbmw says:

    [I was engaged at a young age to the “love of my life.” No one could have told me that it wasn’t the best thing to do. I guess lucky for me, it didn’t work out. Then, at the age of 26 I decided to not get married. I decided it just wasn’t for me. But I found the perfect guy for me, and it felt right, so I ended up going back on that whole marriage decision.

    Things change a lot in your 20s. A LOT. A LOT. You go from college student to what do I do now? What is my career path? Who am I? What do I want in life? Who do I want in my life? Where should I live? Again…who am I? I feel to get married in your early 20s could be setting yourself up for failure. I’ve been wrong before, but statistically, I’m more right than wrong about it. I’m not saying that you two aren’t destined to be together. I hope you are. I love to believe in love. But what would it hurt to make it a long engagement? Keep continuing down your path together, but maybe don’t add “marriage” to your plate yet. You have a lot of things in store for you during your 20s. A lot of things will change. And I hope that one thing that will not change is your love with this person, but just in case it did…it might be nice to not get married AND divorced in your 20s.

  8. Jasmine says:

    [I always tell people not to get married. I also tell them never to have kids.
    Both are hard. You never get to be first again. You don’t get to be selfish anymore (at least you shouldn’t be). Marriage is work. Children are more work.
    The reason I tell people this is so that they really think about it before taking the plunge. And they always do. And they never regret it.
    I know I didn’t.
    Having said that, I always tell people that you don’t really know who you are until about 27. You go through this weird metamorphosis at 25 and come out of it a different person. Sometimes it’s hard for really young married couples because when they change, they change in different directions.

  9. Cassie B. says:

    [I think that you need to think of the practicalities to see if you are ready to get married now, or to delay it for a while.

    It’s encouraging that the only negative thing they have to say is a fear that you both are too young to get married. It is not against his character or your relationship. So I would take it into consideration, and then if you feel you really are ready to get married, or if it should be delayed by a couple of years.

    For instance, are both of you through with/towards the end of your education? Do you have jobs? Have you both had experience living independently from your parents, doing your own laundry, cooking, etc.? How would you manage finances? Yes, these are not as romantic to discuss as love, hopes, and dreams, but the practical things of every day life and communication about them are really what makes a marriage harmonious or difficult. Please consider these types of questions carefully, and perhaps even get some pre-marital guide books to go through to help you consider these and other important aspects of a marriage relationship, and to be able to help you and your boyfriend determine if you two are ready for marriage right now or if it should wait a little longer. My husband and I used a book called “Before You Say ‘I Do'”, which was pretty good (it is from a Christian standpoint, though). But there are many more out there to choose from.

    Personally, I do not believe you are too young to have a successful marriage if you both are mature and independent from your families enough already. I got engaged when I was 23 and married when I had just turned 24. If you and your boyfriend are able to come up with a plan for those practical things (especially finances, which parents worry a lot about!), and share those in a discussion with your parents as a couple, then it may go a long way towards easing their minds about your readiness to make this commitment and create a life for yourselves.

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