I work in a good-sized company that I have been with for the last 4 years. We have doubled in size since I came on board. I’m also somewhat high-up in the administrative department.
My step-sister spent 6 months in vocational training for administrative assistants. She got a temporary job for another company and was let go early because of poor performance (her manager is a friend of her dad’s, so I heard all about it). Among the complaints, she was on the internet most of the day and when she wasn’t playing online, she was taking care of her “medical companion” dog (I use quotations because there is some debate on whether this animal is actually necessary, let alone really trained for the job).
My mom called me while on vacation today. She was asking me about openings for assistants (I’m not in HR). Knowing who she was asking for (I see my step-sister’s Facebook), I immediately shot it down. I said “knowing that this is for A, I can tell you she isn’t qualified for any position here”. My mom got a little pissy and started asking me what the job duties and qualifications needed were. Of course, I was at work and really couldn’t talk. I offered to send her the link to our website’s job listings, but my mom really wanted to get me to tell her directly. My step-sister isn’t with them on vacation, and I resent like hell that my mom is fishing for jobs for this girl. A doesn’t live with my mom or step-dad, but, if she isn’t working, she’s guilt-tripping my step-dad for money.
Is it wrong of me to shoot down my 19 year old step-sister like that? More importantly, is it wrong that I don’t want my step-sister even APPLYING for positions within my company, on the off-chance my company gives her a chance because of my connections, and then she fails miserably? I don’t want to be associated with that kind of issue. I refuse to be a reference for her to begin with (I’ve met her maybe 6 times and she’s never been warm or friendly towards me).
LemonVibe 
[While I think you’re justified in feeling how you feel, the only thing that bothers me is that you’re actively discouraging your stepsister from applying for the job. To me, if someone is taking the initiative to look for work, then you kinda have to encourage that. In fact, it’s exactly because someone is a slacker that you have to be encouraging when they actually step up.
Of course, I think it’s perfectly okay for you to voice your concerns about her being a good fit, or even to distance yourself from helping her. But I say, if she wants to apply, let her apply. And if you get a call from HR, be blunt and honest about your feelings, so that she doesn’t just get the job because of your connections. But, also try to be impartial in that case. And if it ends up being a humbling experience for your stepsister, then… well, maybe she’ll have learned a lesson.
I just don’t think you should tell her not to even apply.
[It doesn’t seem mean to me, since she isn’t a hard worker so it’s not just a personal issue but a work-related one. Just be careful not to be too rude or anything since it is family you’re dealing with. If your mom bugs you again about it, just firmly but politely explain once again that she doesn’t have the experience and qualifications needed to work for your company. Don’t be snotty or mean about it or else your mom will probably get upset again. If she somehow ended up applying for a job, your company might ask you about her, in which case you should be honest and truthful. Then she likely wouldn’t end up getting the job anyway.
[It’s not mean; it’s professional. If she’s not qualified and has shown poor performance in the past, then that’s all you need to say. I wouldn’t pull out the “I don’t want to be associated with that” until they start accusing you of purposely trying to keep your step-sister from being successful. Treat it like any other job candidate situation first, and then if that doesn’t work, approach it from the more sisterly aspect and tell her that if you vouch for her, then she screws up, it not only affects her credibility, but yours as well.
[No. It wasn’t mean. It was honest, and there are a lot of people in this world that don’t like honest. Your career and your reputation are at stake here, and your mother has no right to try and jeopardize that.
You will, however, have to take a different approach so that you don’t look petty, cause that’s a possibility. HP up there is right in that you need to treat her like any other candidate. Hell, tell them you know her previous employer and that he would not give a good recommendation.
Stick up for yourself, but be prepared for a little backlash, and have a little ammo in your pocket.
[Listen, I know you’re all annoyed and judgmental (which isn’t a bad thing!) but why be the bad guy here? I would have said, sure there’s openings, have her apply online and mention me in her coer letter, and then covertly talk to the hiring manager and make it clear that you don’t recommend her for the job. Don’t get into specifics, just to make sure that if they do hire and something goes wrong it doesn’t reflect on you. This way you cover yourself at work and your mom thinks you are a hero.
[You are completely justified in your decision. This is your job (perhaps career) and a bad referral could end up reflecting poorly on you. If you don’t believe ‘A’ is a good fit, or even qualified, for your company and the positions available then I say go with that gut instinct.
If you are comfortable with doing so, give your mother the links for your step-sister to look at the positions and apply if she wants but you obviously have no obligation to speaking on the behalf of her if you don’t feel you should.
Hopefully no one will do what HP mentioned above and claim you are trying to keep your step-sister from being successful. If that happens then you may have to list the facts (as you mentioned above) and say based on ____ and ____ you don’t feel comfortable with the situation they are putting you in.
[I think the thing you need to ask yourself is do you hate your family. Because like all normal people the answer should be, hell yes.
You want to do your own thing, it understandable to not want to risk your repuatation on your step-sister who honestly sounds like a gamble at best.
By all means, let her apply, but make it clear you don’t want to put in a good work for her. Or put in a good word, but only one, pineapple is a good word. Say pineapple.
[No. It’s not mean. If she isn’t right for the position, just say so. Your family members probably know you are right, even if they hate to admit it. I appreciate that your mom is trying to help her out, but if she is a grown-up she is going to have to learn how to live her own life. I have on occasion hired a family member who I knew wasn’t right for the position, but I wanted to help out. Well, that has bitten me in the you-know-what a few times. It’s not a good place to be in, and it creates a weird family dynamic if things don’t work out.