Ok, so I am going to attempt to separate my emotions from the actual facts so people can look at this as objectively as possible, although I am writing this post as more as an outlet than for advice but any comments/advice is appreciated too!
So here goes…
I met the love of my life in college, so we’re talking 4-5 years ago.
After a very torrid, tumultuous, complicated, passionate, consuming 11-month relationship, he ended it because we fought too much.
Yet he claimed to still be in love with me and want to work on things a day at a time…even though he was moving 3,000 some odd miles away. ok.
So my ex and I over those first few months kept in touch, basically still acting like a couple, despite not being in a relationship whatever.
A couple of months into the breakup he not only started a new relationship with someone new, SHE MOVED IN WITH HIM TO HIS NEW HOME IN FLORIDA.
Ok. So this is where the confusion/sadness/happiness/uncertainty starts…
He’s been with this girl for 4 years. She lives with him. She’s his girlfriend. She has that title.
While I feel like I’ve been demoted from girlfriend to “the other woman.” And naturally it’s all a part of the self discovery/screwing up process I went/have been going through, but basically he continued even when he was committed to someone else, to tell me/text me/email me/visit me etc that he loves me, misses me, is saddened by the situation etc.
And did I mention that over the FOUR year period we’ve been apart, we’ve still continued our sexual relationship?
In essence, we’re still not only lovers, but in love. He’s been cheating on her with me.
Fast forward to now: We still see each other sporadically (I’m talking like once a year) We still talk, we still have the insane emotional/physical connection that made me fall in love in the first place…
…but she’s still his girlfriend. And he’s doing NOTHING to change it.
I’ve gotten the speeches, the apologies, the broken promises that he has ended, will end it, plans to end it whatever…but nothing has come to fruition.
This probably isn’t making much sense but basically my mind and heart are at war with one another because the whole situation has severely eroded my trust in him… and yet the problem is after 4 years, despite moving on, detaching whatever, I still can’t shake him.
I know of course, what I should do is move on finally and find my own happiness….and I have. By being alone and rediscovering myself. It was logical and it helped.
But emotions don’t go away. Love like this, like what I feel, simply doesn’t just fade.
It’s still there, strong as ever, just buried underneath all this crap…and he feels it too. I know he does.
Time may have healed it and me helped me forgive, but definitely not forget. I can’t forget the love we shared because WE STILL DO.
I can’t forget the amazing sex we have because WE STILL DO.
The past is the past for me…..but one piece is continuing to be the present. His relationship or “situation” as he calls it, with this other girl…
Now wise, inspirational community of lemon-vibers, do tell or speculate:
Why would a guy stick around after FOUR years hanging onto an ex that he claims to love, wants to marry, be the mother of his children etc AND STILL BE/LIVE WITH ANOTHER GIRL!?
And no, it’s not because of our incredible sexual connection because we have gone without seeing each other for years and picking back up right where we left off…
It just doesn’t make sense to me at all…hence the title of this post.
I was once the girlfriend and damnnit, I deserve to be the girlfriend again, but what in the fuck is taking him so long to make it happen?
Thanks for listening!