I have a few people in my life who are passive-aggressive. This is something that doesn’t sit well with me. They will post stuff on facebook about you(but, of course, not call you out), or they will say something to you, but not REALLY say it to you. Or, they get upset and then just never say anything until I finally bring it up. I can’t stand it anymore! I know I could say something about it, but they are passive-aggressive, so I don’t know how well that would work out? What would you all do?
LemonVibe 
[To me, someone who is passive-aggressive is basically a coward in my eyes. If you have something to say to someone just come out at say it. Don’t hide behind some cheeky comment or back-handed compliment or deep rooted sarcasm.
In my experience the best way to handle someone who is passive-aggressive is to call them out on their BS. You can’t sugar coat and you can walk on egg shells. They simply need a clear and direct message. Otherwise, in all technicality you’re just sinking to their level.
It’s tough. Most of my encounters with this sort of behavior occur in my workplace so I unfortunately don’t have the luxury to be as direct as I wish I could be (as I value my paycheck).
[Yeah, the people who post passive aggressive stuff on facebook do it purely for the attention. My usual response when I see something like that is to post random pictures of animals doing awesome things to completely throw their post off balance.
[You have to call them out on it in order for it to stop. Do it however you want, but like Parker said, don’t pussyfoot around it. If there’s something on Facebook or something they mention in conversation that you think is about you, ask them if it was about you because you were hurt/angered by it. If they pout because they want you to ask what’s wrong, don’t ask what’s wrong. It’s all just a ploy for attention, and the only way to fix it is to tell them you know what’s up, or to ignore them altogether.
[What are you talking about? I’m not passive aggressive! That post wasn’t even about you!
[Like others have said, call them out on it, but don’t do it publicly on Facebook or anything like that. People like that generally are passive-aggressive because they don’t handle face-to-face confrontation well, so my advice is to confront them face-to-face without others around for them to look to garner support.
[Most of the time when I’ve called a passive-aggressive action out, they play dumb! That might make me even MORE riled that I was before. But honestly, that’s the way to handle it. They want something to change but they don’t want to discuss or be rational about it. Sorry, that leads to confrontation since we can’t have a mature dialogue about it.
[Calling someone out as being passive-aggressive is only going to put them on the defensive. They already have enough issues dealing with conflict, why make it worse?
Coward is far too negative of a term. Passive-aggressive stems from not feeling safe to express emotions, especially anger and frustration, and not being comfortable asserting themselves. It’s incredibly common for those of us with a history of abuse. If every single time you brought up an issue with someone you are supposed to trust and are instead met with minimization, selective attention, denial, rationalization, intimidation, feigning innocence, feigning ignorance, diversion, blame and/or shame; you’d avoid conflict also.
Could be they are a people pleaser and don’t want to rock the boat. Could stem from being bullied as a child. Could be a general lack of self-esteem. Some use it to get their way without looking like they are aggressive, but that’s got it’s own term of covert-aggressive.
Not justifying it at all, just things to think about before considering them a horrible coward.
It’s also common on things like facebook where someone wants to vent something, but doesn’t feel safe to do so due to the nature of the venue, where they really should instead talk to someone they are close with. Those who do it for attention or to stir up drama, aren’t actually passive-aggressive. It’s causing conflict, not avoiding it. Passive-aggressive a very over used term.
Either way, if you don’t like how they are treating you, tell them. That’s really want you want them to do anyways: to come to you with any issue they have with you instead of what they are currently doing. Explain they can be open with you without fear of retribution. That you will listen to what they have to say and will try to work out a solution. That it’s the behaviour that you don’t like, not their character. And how their behaviour towards you is affecting you.
That is really all you can do. You may just end up having to limit contact if they can’t actually talk about it or you are met with too much resistance.
[I think we should all just stop pandering to children. Because let’s be honest, children do stuff like that when they don’t get enough attention. To me, posting vague things like “some people are just so exhausting” is like a child yelling “I know a secret, I’m not telling nah nah nah!”…. designed to get attention, probably because they’re bored and not based on anything more than their own selfishness. [familiar subject obviously ]
I think a good rule of thumb is this: if you see people in real life less than you do on FB and they’re behaving this way, it’s probably a sign you’ve outgrown the real-life friendship. Reevaluate their priority in your life and if they fall short, hide them from your news feed or maybe unfriend them. Realistically, if this won’t matter to you in a year, it’s probably better to not have the mental exercise of seeing that negativity at all. Sounds kind of harsh, I know…but at some point you have to reclaim what people you’re letting in your life; if this is a common theme you’re unhappy with, it may mean it’s time to move on. There’s no contract you signed that says you have to put up with behavior like this just because they’re friends.
And fwiw, I’m all for meeting things head-on, but people who post negative or passive-aggressive stuff online rarely have any concept of cause and effect. Often it’s discounted as “just venting”, but my problem with that is, don’t they have a better outlet for that venting? Don’t they understand boundaries? Probably not.
Either way, you shouldn’t need a decoder ring to know where you stand with people. You certainly shouldn’t learn of grievances, perceived or real, via public forum. You may be better off finding more mature and self-aware friends, online and off.
I know someone above mentioned abuse, and I am familiar with the mentality of out-maneuvering people to avoid the rejection that psychological abuse conditions you to expect when you confront issues. I don’t think this falls into that category…but more importantly, if this IS an abuse-rooted behavior, they need to seek help. And again, harsh, but sometimes the only thing people understand is when people exit from their life… it’s a wake-up call like no other. At some point people need to own their actions rather than making excuses or falling back on old crutches.
Bottom line is this: You have your one life. They have theirs. Spend your time very carefully with people who have like-minded goals set for themselves. Often, people who behave this way do so because they lack direction; it’s easier to make jibes at other people than to face their own shortcomings or areas in life they find lacking. Who needs that in their life?
Or, to put it a different way: Don’t feed the trolls.
[My most recent X was passive-aggressive, and I called him out for it. I told him if he wanted to rip on me, do it directly and not make it seem like he’s being nice. He’d start fights out of nothing, and his arguments were stupid. I’d just confront them and tell them they’re bullshit.