I’m totally new to this site, but I have a friend who frequents this site and she told me to go ahead and post it here.
Anyway, I’m wanting to give online dating a more serious try after a previous “experiment” I did about a year ago, and I wanted to see what people think of my profile.
In particular I’m curious about what people think of when they read my profile, e.g. stereotypes, setting off red-flags, is it too boring? etc. I got curious about this after a girl I went on a few dates with told me that my original profile made her think that
I had the yellow fever and only wanted to date Asian girls…. (I mentioned living in Japan for 3 months and liking to cook Asian food).
Feel free to be as harsh as you want since I’m sure the average girl looking at this probably tears it apart π
Anyway, without further ado, he’s my profile copy-pasted:
”
My self-summary
I could say I’m smart, kind, and other (insert random adjective), but let’s face it that’s not something you can tell just by reading a profile. But anyway, here’s my attempt at a self-summary:
I’d have to say that I’m really a goofy nerd at heart. I love to spend a lot of my time just trying to figure out how stuff works, which probably explains why I went to grad school in physics. Maybe as a by-product of that scientific training I strive to be understanding of others and try to help out people as much as I can and not jump to conclusions. I believe in the power of reason and fairness, but at the same time try not to take myself too seriously by throwing in some randomness: http://www.xkcd.com/979/
I love traveling and going to new places and trying new things. I’ve traveled to many different countries, mostly Europe and Asia as well as lived in Japan for 3 months, which was probably my most memorable experience in which I learned more about myself through seeing things the way the Japanese see them.
I love to cook. My mother’s family is from New Orleans, so I’ve developed an appreciation for good food, though I rarely have time to cook anything more advanced than curry or pasta.
So anyway, that’s my spiel. Why don’t you say hi? π
What Im doing with my life
I recently finished up a masters in Physics at MIT. I originally planned on finishing a PhD in physics, but I’ve found that it’s just not for me. I came to Austin with the goal of making a career change from physics into software engineering by pursuing a masters in Computer Science at UT-Austin this coming Fall and by doing some free-lance work on the side.
Im really good at
1. Anything technical or mathematical.
2. lame and corny jokes
3. “your mom” jokes
4. Getting very excited while playing a game to the point that my neighbors know what game I’m playing
5. Having an encyclopaedic knowledge of every major video game studio and it’s history. Some people read about movie stars lives, I read about game studio’s “lives”
The first things people usually notice about me
that I’m tall. I’ve been called “The jolly green giant.”
People who have never seen me in a large social setting and only know me from talking with me one-on-one tend to think I’m extroverted even though I’m not… Apparently I’m more outgoing when I’m just around one or two people.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Movies: The Matrix, Inception, Jurassic Park, Star Wars
Videogames: Fallout New Vegas, Bioshock 1, Portal 1 and 2, Final Fantasy VII and IX, Half Life 2.
Books: I mostly read technical books like programming and science books, but I occasionally like to read science fiction, particularly the books by Isaac Asimov. I especially loved iRobot (the book, not the bastardized movie version that Hollywood put out) as well his Foundation series.
Shows: Mythbusters, Family Guy, Pawn Stars
Music: electronica/downtempo (Massive Attack, Flying Lotus, etc), Shina Ringo, The Sound Providors, I don’t have a particular “favorite band” except for maybe Shina Ringo. I’m also partial to Vivaldi.
Food: Thai, Chinese, Indian, Japanese, Creole/Cajun, Italian. I’m not really a picky eater, but I don’t care for fast food too much except when I’m in a hurry.
The six things I could never do without
1. my computer
2. Google and Wikipedia (see http://xkcd.com/903/ for what I mean)
3. good food
4. web comics
5. diet coke. I have an addiction….I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out they put crack in the stuff
6. my smartphone
I spend a lot of time thinking about
1. my career and family
2. what should I learn next.
3. coming up with clever jokes to tease my friends/colleagues with.
On a typical Friday night I am
I just like to hang out with my friends, watch a movie, go out to eat, or play a video game or board game. I’m not into the whole nightclub/bar scene except to go grab a beer with a friend.
The most private thing Im willing to admit
1. I can’t swim
2. I secretly like the Nyan Cat
Im looking for
Straight girls only
Ages 2128
Near me
Who are single
For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, activity partners, long-distance penpals
You should message me if
Just message me. I don’t bite π
“
LemonVibe 
[Regarding the introvert/extrovert thing:
There is a negative social stigma. It is not only false, but it’s in many ways self perpetuating. Many introverts are told from early childhood that this is something wrong with us that needs to be fixed. Which can give a perfectly normal individual a social phobia that only enforces the stigma. So it’s always best to tread lightly with it.
If you do want to mention it, take out the negative – not an extrovert (only 20% are anyways) – and reframe it and show the positives. Maybe not all appropriate for a profile, but something to think about.
1. Introverts excel in small gatherings, but does that mean you have to dragged kicking and screaming to a party? Being a nerd still implies introversion, so adding a comment in this direction may help.
2. Introverts think to talk while extroverts talk to think. That makes us awesome listeners. We listen, process, ask questions if needed, process some more and then respond. It’s what makes us appear shy. And one reason why large groups are frustrating – conversations usually move on before we have can add our opinions.
3. Introverts are excellent planners. What girl doesn’t want a well thought out date?
4. Introverts think before the jump, extroverts jump before they think. Makes us more responsible.
5. And lots more awesome stuff about introverts that is more off topic. We are different. Both have positive and negative qualities.
[It seems obvious that you’re quite smart and are a nerd, so some girls may be intimidated by the fact that you went to MIT and have a masters in physics. But you shouldn’t hide who you are, so I think it’s good that you have that in your profile! I like nerds myself, and I actually have two friends from undergrad who got masters in physics from MIT! But anyway, for some girls that will be offputting. Those aren’t the right girls for you anyway. You may not get girls messaging you like crazy, but there WILL be girls who’ll be excited about you and what you have to say in your profile!
I think overall your profile is fine, but the one thing I’d change is mentioning your favorite video games. I can tell my the format of your profile that it’s on OkCupid, and they don’t ask you what your favorite video games are; you added that part in yourself. Unless you really want a girl who’s into video games, I’d say leave that part out. And you mentioned gaming in other parts of the profile, so it’s not like you’re hiding that part of yourself if you take your favorites out.
Actually, I also don’t know how I feel about this part: “Getting very excited while playing a game to the point that my neighbors know what game I’m playing”. To me that’s kind of a turnoff, but again to girls who are into gaming that might be a different story. I like guys who are into sports, but not ones who are constantly yelling at the tv during a game…so for me, the same sort of goes for guys and video games. However, I’d like to see the opinion of girls who do play video games, and see if those things would make them excited to get to you know you. It could be just because I’m not really into video games.
[Well, I’m a guy, so take my opinion with a huge barrel of salt, but here are my general thoughts:
1. I think a little self-deprecation can actually show confidence if you interlace it with firm, proud remarks. Too much self-deprecation, however, reeks of self-esteem issues. I feel like you may be bordering on too much. For example, four of your five “I’m really good at” points are of the self-deprecating variety. I think you need a better balance there.
2. It reads a little long to me, personally. I think you might be better off trimming it down and focusing on the main points you want to showcase about yourself. It’s okay to leave a little mystery, ya know?
3. I think you should lay off the emoticons. True, for some, they’re innocuous. However, for others, they’re a sign of immaturity. And I certainly don’t know anyone who’s actually impressed by them.
[Here’s my run-down of how I reacted to this profile:
“Wow, he’s smart… Well-travelled… “Spiel!” Yay!… Hmm, wonder where this guy livesdammit, Austin… Wait. “Encyclopedic knowledge of every major video game studio and its history?” Clearly this guy does not leave the house.”
Your profile makes you seem like a very nice, smart guy who maybe isn’t the best in new social interactions. I agree that you should take out something about the video games, either the list of favorites or the encyclopedic knowledge bit, and I would probably reword the bit where you say you’re not extroverted. Not everyone is, and introverts are often awesome people, but there’s a stigma with saying you’re an introvert, especially when you’re on a dating site. Depending on what kind of a girl you’re looking for, you might want to tone it down.
[I think more than anything you seem to be trying to be wacky and zany, I don’t know if it’s the forum goer in me speaking but, a lot of people try to do that and it usually falls flat.
As solstice mentioned the videogame thing doesn’t really need to be mentioned, I mean I fucking love me some Tekken, but I’ve met probably 3 girls in my life who’d even care about that, let alone be able to tell me Kuma’s back story. If you mention you like them, I’d assume that would be enough.
If you want my advice, if that’s genuinely how you see yourself you shouldn’t change it massively, since you’ll want people to be attracted to you, not some false identity you’ve crafted specifically to attract the foxiest of women.
Then again, you could always change you profile picture to you wearing a crown and your “about me” section to a single line saying, “4th in line to throne.” We just had Jubilee madness over here in Britian and girls were loving that routine.
[As a lifelong gamer and game programming grad student, I find no issues with talking up your nerdiness (own it) if you are looking for someone similar. It does though really limit you even though Austin is a little tech mecca. However, I would still balance it out more with interests outside the nerd realm.
If you are looking for a broader range of ladies, I’d scale back the nerd references quite a bit.
Another vote for lowering the self-deprecation. Or take it out all together. The juxtaposition with the nerdiness isn’t helping matters. Nerdy still has a self-esteem issue connotation. Remember, you are selling yourself.
I do disagree about taking out the video games section of the favourites. The reason for the section is to give talking points. I’d reduce the mention of it elsewhere.
I honestly don’t see how saying you lived in Japan and that you like Asian food is even remotely leaning towards yellow fever. I’d call that projecting.
Is it really sad I didn’t have to look at which xckd comic that is? And I don’t see enough Isaac Asimov references anymore.
[What type of girl are you looking for? Are you looking for a homebody who is specifically into video games, internet humor, and all of the same things you’re into? Even if you are, I think you need to scale it back a little bit. I get what you’re trying to say (and totally understand where you’re coming from), and even as someone who has very similar interests I think I might be turned off by your dating profile just because, when reading it, I kind of create this image in my mind of a guy who I’d have to drag out of the house. I’m having trouble explaining exactly what I mean, so I’ll just move on and can clarify later if need be.
There are a few certain declarations of your personality that I think I would take out. Where you say, “I’m a nerd,” and then follow it up with a lot of things you like to do, that’s a place where I think it would be better if your interests spoke for themselves. Having that sentence precede it kind of made me feel like you had to redeem yourself in the following paragraphs.
And I agree with Dennis when he said the self deprecating humor works best if you own it and are confident at the same time. Right now it just kind of reads as insecurity.
And finally, WOOOOOOO FALLOUT!
[Being introverted myself, I never really considered Happy’s ‘introvert stigma’ point. I guess some extroverts interpret introvert as “socially awkward/homebody” even though introverted people understand it’s more about how you need to recharge your batteries.
Anyway, that said, I’d take out that introverted bit because your ‘typical Friday night’ speaks for itself in a neutral way.
[First, I completely dig the conversational tone you have going on. Too often profiles read like resumes or job applications and it makes going through profile after profile seem like actual work. So kudos for showing your personality and making it a personable read.
However, my first impression is that it does run a little long. When I was in the online dating pool I was often guilty of the same thing…largely I’d make a lot of side comments to information I was providing. You seem to do a lot of the same (which is not a bad thing…see, a side note) but use them sparingly.
On that same note, summarize your Self Summary a bit from those key elements already there. Once you’ve established those “basics” add in some random bits of you. For example, once on a profile I listed fun little quirks about myself like: I eat Twizzlers by tying them in knots, I have to press the ‘lock door’ button for my car numerous times to assure myself the car is in fact locked, I ran my first half-marathon this summer.
Not only are things like that good conversation starters, it is different and makes reading your profile a little more different from all of the others these women are likely reading. Additionally, I liked putting one or two items that some would call OCD because everyone has some sort of quirk and by admitting it this person may think to themselves, “Hey, I do something similar (or perhaps the same thing); I guess I’m not as strange as I thought I was.”
From my experience on the dating site your profile came from (again, I had many years experience on there) I recommend that you change your answer about your “typical Friday night”. Everyone seems to answer that one relatively seriously and it’s always the same thing “hanging out with friends, movie, games, etc…” It’s boring. I say, this is where you can have some fun and perhaps make the reader laugh.
Those are some of my $.02.
And being a self-proclaimed nerd at heart, you may also want to consider a profile on http://www.gk2gk.com/ ;which may very well be in your wheel-house (note: I am in no way affiliated with that site nor is LemonVibe and those within, it’s just a site I knew existed and thought it would be worth mentioning.)
[Ok… my turn.
It’s too long. I almost gave up about 1/3 of the way through. Scale it back. You also spend a LOT of time talking about the same things. How smart and analytic you are, without really saying what kind of girl you want. The most you say is the age range you’re willing to date. When you spend so much time talking about your degree (which is awesome, by the way… I would have given my left tit to go to MIT), and how one of your past-times is coming up with clever jokes, it makes you sounds a little conceited. Which, by all means, you have a right to be, but show a little interest in this fictional woman you’re talking to.
[Wow. These are some strong opinions on an online dating profile. I had no idea so much went in to it. I agree that it is too long. Like, if you were selling a car, you wouldn’t write everything about it. You would write enough that people would want to take it on a test-drive. Along those same lines, we don’t need to know that you love video games more than once. We get it. But since you mentioned it a few times, all I can think is that if I dated you I would be subjected to video games 24/7. Loud video games. Also, I feel that even though it is an online dating profile and you can’t “feel” them, your profile is lacking in some emotion. I guess I would want to hear that a guy loved his family, had a really great dog that he took to the park, etc. Something that makes you seem “real” and not a laundry list of accomplishments. Girls love a guy who is compassionate, passionate and down-to-earth.
For the most part, I was impressed by your profile and I would only change a few things. You seem like an intelligent, accomplished guy. Now, some lucky girl just needs to snag you!
[Thanks for all the comments! Some were harsh, but I still appreciate it, since in real life the comments will be much worse. I agree that it was a little long, so I decided to shorten it substantially. I also feel that I may have made it too “childish” with the emoticons, so I took those out.
It is true that prior to leaving MIT I had mostly solitary hobbies as someone seemed to notice from the comments. Since I’m no longer there, I’m trying to reach out and be more active, so I’m hoping to find a “partner in crime” to do stuff with. I think I’ll have better luck finding someone at an activity or meetup or something. I’m more doing online dating on the side just for the hell of it. I just feel that most people will like me much better in person than they will just seeing me on paper.
[First of all. Super long. And while I could tell what you were TRYING to say as you wrote it and how you were trying to come off… It just reads a little nerdy. And you’ve proclaimed you’re a nerd, so that’s fine. But just because you ARE a nerd doesn’t mean you have to read like one.
So I’ve redone it for you based on what I (as a female and fellow nerd) think your type of girls would be most likely to respond to.
My self-summary
I’m not afraid to admit I’m a nerd! I’m a scientist at heart. I thoroughly enjoy trying to figure out how stuff works; I try to understand everything. I believe in the power of reason, but at the same time try not to take myself too seriously.
I love traveling to new places and trying new things. So far, I’ve visited several countries in Europe and Asia, and I even lived in Japan for 3 months, which was an incredible experience.
I love to cook, and wish I had more time to experiment with it.
What Im doing with my life
I recently finished up a masters in Physics at MIT. I originally planned on finishing a PhD in physics, but I’ve found that it’s just not for me.
I moved to Austin with the goal of getting into software engineering by pursuing a masters in Computer Science at UT-Austin this coming Fall.
Im really good at
1. Anything technical or mathematical
2. Bad jokes
3. Physics!
4. Video games
5. Having an encyclopaedic knowledge of every major video game studio and it’s history. Some people read about movie stars lives, I read about game studio’s “lives”
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m super tall. I’ve been called “The jolly green giant.”
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Movies: The Matrix, Inception, Jurassic Park, Star Wars
Videogames: Fallout New Vegas, Bioshock 1, Portal 1 and 2, Final Fantasy VII and IX, Half Life 2.
Books: I mostly read technical books like programming and science books, but I occasionally like to read science fiction, particularly the books by Isaac Asimov. I especially loved iRobot (the book, not the bastardized movie version that Hollywood put out) as well his Foundation series.
Shows: Mythbusters, Family Guy, Pawn Stars
Music: electronica/downtempo (Massive Attack, Flying Lotus, etc), Shina Ringo, The Sound Providors, I don’t have a particular “favorite band” except for maybe Shina Ringo. I’m also partial to Vivaldi.
Food: Thai, Chinese, Indian, Japanese, Creole/Cajun, Italian. I’m not really a picky eater, but I don’t care for fast food too much except when I’m in a hurry.
The six things I could never do without
1. My computer
2. xkcd.com, Google, and wikipedia
3. Good food
4. Diet Coke
5. My smartphone
6. Learning
I spend a lot of time thinking about
1. My career and family
2. What I should learn next
On a typical Friday night I am
Most Fridays I prefer hanging out with friends, going to a movie, out to eat, playing video or board games.
The most private thing Im willing to admit
1. I can’t swim
2. I secretly like the Nyan Cat
Im looking for
Straight girls only
Ages 2128
Near me
Who are single
For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You have a favorite xkcd comic and you’ve never uttered the phrase “math is so useless!”
And I can’t do this for you, but you need to cut back your movies/tv/music section. List your top 2 or 3 for each category. You can talk more about that stuff once you make a connection. You don’t want to turn people away because they have to read through your giant list of books and music. And as long as you keep quick, short points, people will be done reading it before they even realized they started. That’s what you want. You want them to read the whole thing.
[Glad you shortened it and reworked it- i am late to the party, but on a side note, you expressed yourself much better in the comments here than in your profile- personally, I prefer that to a list of movies you like. The guy who’s smart and nerdy looking for a partner in crime to explore new things is going to get my attention- make them want to message you to find out more about you!