When Do You Know if its Not Worth Fighting For?

Babe’s sister is having a rough go of it with her boyfriend, and she asked me “When do you know its not worth fighting for a relationship anymore?” My opinion, and what i told her, was that if you even THINK it may be worth it, it is. When you no longer care, and dont even second guess ending it, then its not worth saving. What do you all think? When do you know a relationship isnt worth working on or saving?

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10 thoughts on “When Do You Know if its Not Worth Fighting For?

  1. EricaSwagger says:

    [It’s worth saving if the only option you’re okay with is making things right again.

    If you feel even the slightest bit of relief at the thought of the relationship being over, it should be over.

  2. PKP says:

    [I would think a relationship should be abandoned when there’s a pattern of crappiness formed. So, every great relationship usually evolves into a pattern that either strengthens or weakens the participants. The same can be said for friends. If your SO makes your life better, then obviously the relationship should be saved. If they consistently make it worse, well…. It’s not as easy as it seems though. Things that makes us better are also kind of a pain in the ass sometimes, so you often find yourself thinking, “Damn, it’d just be so much easier without this.” Of course, it really could just be your SO being a dick that thinks you’re never good enough. Figuring out the difference between these things comes down to reflecting on the relationship history. Where did you start out? Where are you now? How did your SO figure into any of that?

  3. Maracuya says:

    [I would say when you feel you HAVE tried everything else. You’ve thought about why you can’t get past a certain issue, tried to change it, communicated with your boyfriend or girlfriend and then nothing changes? Well, repeat that a few times over and you see that the issue is also about the SO not being a team player. Most people will want to put some sort of effort in, even if they don’t see eye to eye on their problems. I would meditate on if you and your life are significantly better or worse for the relationship.

  4. BreckEffect says:

    [I’ve had two serious, long-term relationships where I realized at some point that it just wasn’t going to work out. Since I don’t give up easily and like to make sure a relationship is really and truly dead before I pull the plug (never a pleasant experience), I kept working on things for a long time after that realization. In both of those cases, there was _something_ that happened or that I learned about my partner that eventually resulted in the breakup, and once that occurred there was always a little voice in the back of my head, some hesitation, regarding my belief in the ability of the relationship to go the distance.

    But, really, it’s so different with each relationship and each person – only you can know how much you can put into something without getting the return you are looking for, and only you can decide when you’ve had enough. I hate breakups 😦

  5. Matt Sanchelli says:

    [This really is a difficult question/situation to provide just a blanket “concrete” answer.

    Like some of those above me…there really isn’t one. The best advise to offer anyone asking this particular question would be to try and look at the big picture. Imagine your life without this person. Without talking to them almost every day. Without possibly waking up every morning to their face, or without kissing them every night before shutting your eyes to go to sleep. How would that make you feel?

    When times are tough people can sometimes go to the thought pattern of, “this would be easier to just end things because….” and they then justify why it would be ending. But after the fight/argument/confrontation…most people will probably recognize how “over-the-top” the ending things frame of mind was.

    It’s always easier to jump to conclusions when emotions are high (this is true in really good and bad times). Examples – someone really pisses you off at work and you just up and quit = bad emotional high. You win the lottery and are over-taken with joy, happiness and independence you quit your job = good emotional high (though you may eventually regret quitting your job).

    Either way, determining whether a relationship is worth fighting for, or saving, is not something your answer quickly. If a person should find this question floating in their mind then they need to serious think about it and take their time to consider what they are proposing. Don’t let emotions get the best of you. Put things into perspective and decide just how bad the bad times are…on their own and comparing to all of the good times.

  6. theattack says:

    [I don’t know. I don’t think there’s a math equation for it. I think it’s something our hearts figure out for us. The mind seems to get in the way in this particular decision.

  7. Happy Pants says:

    [I don’t know. For me, it really is a simple “does the good outweigh the bad” question. Before I make any decision, I think about it at length, mainly because I am extremely indecisive, but also because I want to take into consideration everything about the issue in question.

    The lowest common denominator for me is a mutual desire to make things work. You need that for a relationship to go on. As soon as one person’s checked out, it’s not worth the effort.

  8. Eleanor Roosevelt says:

    [I’ve stayed in relationships far longer that I should have simply because I didn’t want to feel like I “failed” at the relationship. Everyone above (well, mostly everyone) has said it – when the bad outweighs/outnumbers the good, it’s time to go. My mom always told me “Don’t marry someone you can live with – marry someone you can’t live without.” I think it applies to any long term committed relationship – if you can’t imagine life without the other person, it’s probably worth trying to save. If imagining life without the other person seems easier, well, then, there’s your answer.

  9. lilredbmw says:

    [It’s worth fighting for if you are willing to put the energy in to fighting. Sometimes, you reach a point where you have fought so hard, for so long, that you just can’t do it anymore. But this is totally case by case. I have found in my past that the relationships I fought for were the ones with the most substance and the most attached to them. For example, if I had been in a relationship for a couple years, it was worth fighting for. If the guy made me laugh, and we had great chemistry and were best friends, it was worth fighting for. If there was any hope in making the relationship what it once was, I would consider fighting for it. But if the relationship crumbled often and I was left upset too many times, or disappointed, I wasn’t willing to fight. So, what is worth the effort? Ultimately, your call.

  10. michi says:

    [Although there is no simple answer for this question…and obviously you’re going to take the time to think this through…

    It boils down to….. It’s time to give up when fighting for the relationship won’t solve the problem(s), or the other person won’t put in the effort to fight for it.

    The more complicated thought process for me is…. Do you see a future with this person without having to change them or you? This might be biased on my point of view since I see dating/having a relationship as leading to a long term thing-such as getting married and having kids. If you’re fighting for a relationship at first it may seem hard but after a while it shouldn’t feel like it’s work anymore, being with someone you love should come easy to you…. so if it doesn’t-if you have to make all sorts of twist and turns and feel uncomfortable or self conscious of being yourself around this person… I don’t think it’s worth it.

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