First off, Happy St. Paddy’s Day to all!
2nd, How far would you be willing to GO for your relationship?
I don’t mean just sexually, but where is the cut off line? It’s been discussed before in decreasing degrees, but where do you draw the line?
You’ve decided that this relationship should last, at least for some time, so how far are you willing to go before you say, “No more!”
And just as important, what is the, “No more” where you draw the line?
My example is with my GF. She’s so uptight about anything that is not “vanilla,” that I worry that we’ll never have anything other than what is by the book.
I’m not just talking sex here. I’m talking: so straight forward that something as simple as taking a dip in the pool after hours (with clothes on) is enough to cause her to panic.
Me? I find that exciting.
But it’s not about me. I know my limits are limitless. So how do you deal with someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with that can’t share that part of yourself with?
Again, where’s the cut off line? Where does enough (or not enough) become ENOUGH?
LemonVibe 
[For me, it’s a question of how much time I spend being unhappy versus how much time I spend being happy, not just in my relationship, but in my life in general. No relationship is going to be perfect, and I acknowledge that there will be times I’ll want to end it because I’ll think it isn’t worth it, and then a few days later something amazing will happen and remind me why I’m with that person. When the bad times start outweighing the good, I have to seriously consider how much the relationship is worth to me.
In your example, I don’t know how long I would be able to deal with it. I want to be able to be myself, no filter, around my significant other, especially someone I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. If there are certain non-sexual activities he’s not into that I really love, it’s unfortunate, but chances are I can do those things with my friends, or maybe he’ll put up with it for a little while (if I can sit through jam sessions with his band or 49ers games because it’s what he’s really into, he can put up with a day at the museum or a scavenger hunt). What’s important to me is making sure that I’m as happy as I can be in my relationship, but also realizing that I won’t be able to have it all, and trying to supplement the things I can’t get in my relationship with friends and family.
Your girlfriend being uptight all the time is kind of hard to deal with, but maybe she’ll loosen up a bit? Give it a little time, then reassess and figure out if you can really deal with having someone you spend so much time with *not* want to do the things you want to do. Those are just more things you won’t be able to share together. Is there enough other stuff to make up for all that?
[It’s all about compromise. For example, my husband is VERY simple. You could say vanilla, I guess. But since I tend to be high energy, intense and tightly wound, the vanilla goes well with me. That’s one of the best things about him…his simplicity. He is not boring, however. Boring I don’t think I could deal with. But, you see, what I am saying is that maybe you two compliment each other. Sometimes too much of one thing is just WAY too much. So, sit down and contemplate your situation. What draws you to her? What is she willing to compromise on and what do you absolutly need in a relationship. Hash it out. After you assess what your needs are, sit down and simply talk about it. Maybe she is willing to spice up her vanilla a bit! You know…maybe add some sprinkles, chocolate syrup, or whipped cream 😉
[Never.
If you love someone completely you never reach the point of enough is enough. You work thru it.
[I feel like I wouldn’t be with someone that I wasn’t at least somewhat compatible with in the first place, so there has to be room for compromise. Everybody has to be willing to give a little, to bend a little bit, and even if it’s not perfect, it’s better than not having that person in your life (unless it’s not, in which case, dump him/her already).
[I’m with lrBMW here.
With this, it’s all going to be about compromise. The cut off here would basically be if one of you is absolutely, 100%, not willing to bend in their ways…ever.
Personalities aren’t going to match 19/20 times…and even there those are good odds.
Going along with the metaphor already established, there are times you’ll need to try and be more “vanilla” and other times where she’ll have to try the fully-loaded sundae.
As Paula Abdul once said, “Opposite’s Attract”. By finding someone who is our opposite in some way it helps us discover more of who we actually are.
I’m a fairly simple guy. I enjoy relaxing at home watching TV, a movie or reading a book. You could basically call me a home-body. My girlfriend is more social. She knows the city extremely well, knows a wide variety of interesting people and knows where to go for different bits of local culture.
We work so incredibly well together because we compliment the personality of the other. She challenges me to go out and experience new things that I probably would not do on my own; where I show her that there isn’t anything wrong with wanting to take things easy.
I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
Now, if I would have ended up with someone just like me…well…I don’t think I’d really be living and experiencing life. Thanks to her I’ve discovered things, and met interesting people, that have helped add to my life.
[Since your limits are “limitless”, I’d say you probably have the right girl. At some point, that swimming pool you referred to is going to become a shark tank, and you’ll be pretty dang happy that you have a level-headed partner to keep you from taking that forbidden dip.
But seriously, as your trust level grows with your partner, you will compromise on everything. That means she’ll necessarily become more adventurous, and you’ll come to realize your own mortality. You can ride that train for 60 years and have a great time doing it. I wouldn’t be suprised if in 15 years or so, SHE is regarded as the adventurous one. Together, you just might live long enough to have offspring, so… Enjoy the ride 🙂