So I’ve been in a relationship with a man since October 2010. I am 26 and he is 36. We live together as I moved into his place around the one year point. I love him dearly. He has shown to be the most gentle, patient, caring, and devoted man I could ever ask for. We’ve never been seriously angry at each other. One time we had a minor argument while out and when we got home we sat down and seriously, rationally, and calmly talked things out.
Everything is great with him except he has a very low libido. We have sex maybe two or three times a month. I know for me that’s not enough but I am too content with him to try to make it a dealbreaker.
He values hard work and works two jobs (by choice) putting in 13 hour days most of the time. When he is not working, most of the time he is sleeping. I realize this is draining on him and leaves little time for us to even have sex.
When we do have sex, it’s usually not quality sex. He doesn’t like to perform oral sex on me. It’s not me; he’s always been this way; I asked. He also has lasts a brief time in bed most of the time. I figured this was due to a lack of masturbation because he doesn’t have the time.
I have always initiated the sex in our relationship. I always get turned down a few times in favor of “more sleep please” or a nap or “I’m too tired” before I find that he will say yes. I have asked him to initiate more with me but he always says when he wants to ask, I beat him to it.
I would like to have sex more frequently and with more foreplay (he always goes right for penetration). Every time we’ve talked about this, we say we’ll make an effort to have more sex and it happens once and then things go back to the way they were.
Like I said, I love him dearly. I don’t know what to do about this. This doesn’t even get into the problem of how boring and vanilla our sex is and he is unwilling to do anything kinky. Also, he sees no point to open relationships as well.
Also, I want to add that I don’t masturbate much because I find it just makes me want sex MORE instead of being a substitute for it.