I don’t know how many of you know this, but I’m a freelance writer. I write for sites like Cracked.com and TopTenz.net, plus I have my own blog and write for the local newspaper. Also, I’m twenty years old, and yes, I still live with my mother, but that’s probably going to change rather directly.
I’ve had some pretty awesome success with my writing– with Cracked in particular. One of my articles there has been viewed by almost 3 million people. That’s a number that I can’t even comprehend, and it’s the one accomplishment with my writing that I’m most proud of.
When I showed it to my mother (because I was proud of it and wanted her to be too), she just totally dismissed it like it was completely worthless and a waste of my time. But it runs deeper than that. She’s never been supportive of my writing, and that hurts, because it’s like she’s saying that the one thing I want to do with my life –the one thing that beings me more joy and elation than any other– isn’t worth a single damn.
It would be one thing if I was just spinning my wheels in place, but I’m having SUCCESS with my writing. And she just refuses to acknowledge that. And if she can’t accept the fact that I want to be a writer, then she can’t accept me.
What do you guys think? is there anything I can do to get her to warm up to the idea of me being a writer?
LemonVibe 
[Put me on the same page as most of the comments above, as the repeated items ring true in my ears.
Your mother may be proud (in her own way) of your writing but she’s probably very concerned about how you’ll make a career out of it. I know I dealt with something similar when I originally went to college to get my degree in studio art/graphic design (starving artist) and then eventually changed my major to broadcasting/video production (another form of starving artist).
Parents want to know that when they are no longer around that their children are going to be alright. That is it in a nut shell. It doesn’t matter if you’re 20, 30, 40 and so on…they want to know that they did their best raising you and that you are happy and living the life that you want.
Give your mom time. She’s probably still dealing (one way or another) with the fact that you are an adult and probably moving out sometime soon to begin you’re own life.
[That is quite an accomplishment, having major articles on cracked. You should be happy. Stop trying to please your mother. If your happy that’s all that matters. A wise man once said “parents just don’t understand”.
[I really agree with what everyone else is saying, it’s all true. Clearly, I think everyone here recognizes that you have achieved a really impressive level of success for your age, and it’s a shame that your mom doesn’t see that. You sound ambitious, organized, and, above all, passionate about what you’re doing and that will take you far in your chosen career.
We all want our parents to not just approve of what we do, but be proud of us. I think moving out on your own, and continuing your level of dedication to your writing will result in both success for your career and hopefully a change of heart for your mom. Right now, you’re still her baby boy. She has probably not entirely adjusted to the thought of you being a grown man with a “real” career. After all, most guys your age are more interested in frat parties and passing their next class, so you’re a bit of an anomaly for a 20 year old guy. Give her some time, and complete the transfer to adulthood, and above all keep doing what you’re doing! It’ll work out.
[I’m a mother, so I’ll let you in on these secrets, only because I’m posting anonymously, and the mom network is too technologically inept to find me through my IP address (and they don’t read websites like Cracked or LemonVibe anyway).
Mothers want their children to grow up to be happy adults. That is our #1 goal. But, we think we know better than they do what that really means, and sometimes, we aren’t supportive of those endeavors that contradict what we (as mothers) think that means. It is difficult for us to see you as an adult who might possibly know what you want out of life.
However, there is another aspect of being a parent that is priority – raising your children to be independent adults. If you live with or need financial assistance from your mother as an adult, she finds it difficult to see you as financially independent. That’s just the reality of it for most parents.
My advice – just keep moving forward with your career. You’re only 20 years old, so she’s not yet adjusted to you in a different capacity yet. She obviously has some “dreams” about what you might do with your life that she needs to get a reality check on, and the best way is for you to continue to write and reconfirm to her that this is your life’s dream, and it makes you happy, and you can earn a living doing that.
[The fact that your young in her eyes won’t change soon and perhaps never. The fact that your writing is a source of pleasure and success means everything. Parents want to feel that they’ve succeeding in raising you and you want them to validate your accomplishments.
Some parents just can’t be pleased or proud of their children. Mine never were and no matter what I did it was never enough. I acquired 3 college degrees and mom only asked what will you do now?
[What everyone else has said. Also, she’s a parent, which means that while she might be proud of you, she’s probably also worried about you: will you be able to support yourself with a writing career? What about supporting those future grandchildren she’s setting her heart on you making for her? If you spend so much time on the computer typing, will you become isolated and weird?
The other thing is, how success is measured for a writer might not be a metric she’s ever considered before. I mean, you’re thinking in terms of readers and the prominence of the site/publication…but maybe she’s thinking in terms of paychecks or a steady job with medical benefits.
We all want our parents to be supportive of everything we love, but at the end of the day, they’re parents, not yes-folks, and they’ll worry. And they’ll also worry that blind affirmations would really be pushing you down a path that might not end in the kind of stability or lifestyle they want you to have…maybe your mom thinks if she’s openly supportive, you won’t work to make your career more lucrative or stable.
[What exactly would your mom rather you be doing? And what things has she specifically said to you about your writing? I’m curious as to what kind of a family you come from, and what her expectations really are.
I realized I’m just projecting my dad’s personality onto your mom, and while sometimes that can be helpful, I don’t really want to think about my dad on your mom.
[I have done things that my parents have totally dismissed. And I know it can kind of take the wind out of your sails, so I am sorry you are going through that right now. I would consider talking with her. I would sit her down at a good time, of course, and bring your lap top. SHOW her what you are doing, and let her know how important it is to you. Explain that this is what you are passionate about AND you are good at it. It is not impossible for people to be successful writers! And there is no reason you can’t be that successful writer. You can do this, but I might hint that it’s going to be a heck of a lot easier if she is in your corner, cheering you on.
[I have lots of experience with awkward mom situations. The thing is, don’t tell yourself that your mom isn’t proud simply because she doesn’t (at this time) necessarily approve of your choice in vocation.
Like Anita said above, she likely doesn’t realize the importance of online material in this day and age, versus a printed and bound book. She is probably scared for you to be a part of an industry of which she has little understanding, and doesn’t want you to commit to something that she may see as a fleeting thing. Also, writing has notoriously been a fickle trade. I’m sure she just wants you to be part of something solid, with a more concrete future. As you grow (you’re still so young!), you will have ample opportunity to prove to her that this is indeed a solid career choice for you.
Just keep on doing what you’re doing, and eventually she’ll realize that you have a career that you love and in which you are very successful already, and bound to only become more so.
What you can’t do is focus on it. This is easier said than done. But in my experience, if I think too much about how my mom disappoints me in certain ways, it can really take me down. I know she loves me, and when I focus on that simple fact, that’s what keeps me going.
[Does your mother spend a lot of time on the internet? Because my generation acknowledges Cracked as a big website, but your mother may have a hard time realizing the magnitude of what you’ve accomplished because she’s used to good ol’ ink and paper.
That’s not to say that your mother is acting fairly or shouldn’t be excited for you, but I guess I’d try not to take it so personally (easier said than done, right?). She may just be kind of out of the loop. I know pretty much anything done on the internet is considered “wasting time” to my mother, and she thinks that any time I’m typing on the internet I’m writing on my blog (she puts an extra emphasis on the “g,” making it sound like some foreign word), and I don’t even have a blog!
Or she could be one of those people who doesn’t think something is a success if you’re not making tons of money or have tangible, physical things to show for it. Your mother is obviously an important person in your life, but unfortunately the most important people in your life don’t always have a passion for the things that are most important to you.
[Sometimes parent’s get like this when their children choose “arts” as their profession. I mean, some parents only agree to pay for college if their child takes something “practical” like accounting or business or teaching. There are parents who think what you do is more of a “hobby” than a job. It’s a sad truth.
Some people don’t see the value in things like blogging or art or music. They see it as pointless entertainment, and no way for a serious person to spend their time. While sometimes they’re right in saying “you won’t make any money writing, you should be an accountant instead”, that’s not their choice to make. They say they want what’s best for their kids. Bur really they want what THEY think is best for their kids.
Your mom can see you sitting at your computer all day, looking at various news sites and humor sites and blogs… and think you’re just wasting time. When of course, you’re writing and researching and thinking, and trying to make a living doing what you truly love. You know that; she doesn’t.
The only way to get your mother to really understand your passion is to keep showing her. Let her read your work, not just the articles with millions of views, but all of your work (well, all of your mother-appropriate work). Maybe once you get the chance to move out, she’ll start to take you more seriously. Keep trying to get through to her. Maybe you need to explain to her the magnitude of an online article having 3 million views. Maybe she doesn’t get how huge that is.
You can’t make her respect your work. But you can keep trying.
[Kier, I found myself in your boat, only with my father.
He too, like your mother said I shouldn’t be wasting my time, since I’m doing a degree in theoretical media and should focus on being a teacher or something. I simply sat him down, opened my laptop and said:
“Dad, look right there, that’s me, that’s the fucking Smallwood name emblazened over something millions of people have read, I earned hundreds of pounds from that, more money than I earn in my shitty bar job and I earned it sat in my underwear. No one but a prostitute can earn that much money and have that money people like them with so little effort put in, chill the fuck out”.
He eventually came round to the idea, but told me off for swearing.
[You’re so cute, I wish I could put you in my pocket!
Nice work with the high traffic articles. If 30+ people read my blogposts then I feel like Daddy Warbucks. Or J-Lo. Or Kim Gordon?
I have an adorable little friend, and just like you he is 13 years younger than me. He sometimes has things bothering him that are similar to your issue. So I understand your perspective from frequent listening to another young artist.
My suggestion is to stop looking for validation and support from an empty well. Forget that the empty well happens to be your Mom, and just do your thing. Keep writing. Stop showing your work to Mom though; she doesn’t get it (right now?) and that’s okay.