I’ve gotten to the age now where pretty much any girl I meet is going to have had at least on previous relationship/sexual partner/tennis coach.
However, being at university I’ve found this number varies wildly from person to person. For example, I know a girl (let’s call her X because it’s a cool letter and it rarely gets the face time it deserves.) Now X revealed to me she’s had around 10 previous partners, some were relationships some weren’t. However Just this knowledge alone has made X rather undesirable to me, simply because I don’t know how I’d feel being number 11.
So I thought I’d ask whether people have an upper limit on the number of exes a person can have before you’d get a little apprehensive about being with them.
LemonVibe 
[Maybe she’s judging you for having a low number, and assuming you won’t know what you’re doing and won’t be able to please her.
Judging goes both ways.
[My philosophy is don’t ask – don’t tell. You shouldn’t judge someone you’re interested in based on the number of partners they’ve had…which is why it’s better to just not go there. Once you know it’s harder to control the desire to judge.
[Number of exes can be different than number of sexual partners, but either way it shouldn’t really matter. Someone could’ve slept around a lot a long time ago but now prefers committed relationships, so the number of partners doesn’t really indicate much, in my opinion.
The last couple of guys I’ve been with had many more sexual partners than I did. It bothered me a bit at first but then I forgot about. It bothered me more not that they had a higher number of partners, but that I didn’t have as many. I guess I felt like they had the sleeping around in college experience that I didn’t really have. I’m always curious about numbers, but it is better if you just don’t talk about it since it can lead to hurt feelings.
[I agree with the previous comments. You might think you want to know, but really you only want to know if it lives up to what you have already decided is an “acceptable” number. My husband had slept with two girls before me, which was saint-like compared to my number. So he doesn’t know my number and I don’t think it would have ever benefitted our relationship had he known. Who cares? Work the relationship you are in and don’t worry about what happened before. With that said, however, please still be careful sexually!
[If you can’t handle the answer, don’t ask the question.
[She was being honest with you. I was honest with my bf, and he felt the same way at first. But once we spent time together he realized I was cool and not trying to just add another name to my list. You should just see where it goes, you may end up really liking her and forget all about being number 11. Just be safe, obviously.
You should, however, ask yourself if you’d be alright with it if you are only with her once or twice and then she moves on. If you are, go for it; she might surprise you.
And, if you really don’t find her desirable now that you know her number, then you gotta just walk away because the number’s never going to change.
[I largely agree with those above saying, “Don’t ask, don’t tell” and “Only ask if you can deal with the answer”.
The difficult thing most people have difficulty getting passed is the fact that these other “partners” (sexual or non-sexual) are all in the past; probably before the two of you ever met. It is kind of naive think that someone didn’t date, or have sex with, someone else before you (depending on your age…the older you get the more likely someone has been with other people).
Just remind yourself this if you have a problem with your significant others “numbers”; they are with you now, not them. That is all that should matter.
But here’s a different little spin on this topic.
Most people only talk about the person who has a problem with the fact that their partner has a higher number than them and how they then feel sexually inadequate.
I knew someone (U) who had slept with very few people. Well U began seeing V. V has been with significantly more people than U. U had no problem the partners V had because it was in the past. However, V felt insecure in comparison to U because now V began feeling judged due to their sexual promiscuity.
So, this just goes to show…high or low…the numbers are just numbers.
Focus on the now and the fact that the two of you are together. Leave the past in the past.
[I think it’s better to know. If you don’t, you’ll always be wondering so might as well get it out of the way. The hard part comes from keeping your own biases out of it. If I met a girl that’s had a relatively high number of partners, I’d say that they’re very secure with their sexuality and free spirited and know what they want. Considering those are good qualities in my mind, I’d have no problems with it.
If you judge a person by the number of their partners, be fair with that judgement and be sure to put yourself in their position, not how you would’ve done things if you had been in their position.
It’s like the old joke about the 72 virgins. Do you really want to have to “train” 72 people on how to please you or would you rather have someone that already knows what they want!
[Doesn’t matter what number you are as long as you’re the last, right?
[I prefer to keep my X’s to three and below.
Well, I mean, single- and double-X are kinda boring. But quadruple-X definitely gets way too kinky for me.
[Everyone is different. Number of exes is definitely different from number of partners, and you have no idea what someone has gone through or the reasons why they may have acted a certain way, resulting in a number of partners that you apparently deem to be “too many.”
I think you’d serve yourself a lot better if you took a hard look at why this matters so much to you, as opposed to trying to justify your apprehensiveness about being number 11.
[I personally couldn’t care less. In my group of close girlfriends, we have “numbers” ranging from 1 to ~35, and a whole lot in between. Sometimes the lower numbers are purely circumstantial–they just ended up in a long-term relationship with one of the first people they slept with. One of my best friends hasn’t had sex with a lot of people, not because of any kind of morality, but because she thinks guys like you more when you make them wait. Some of my friends with higher numbers I would consider to be promiscuous, and others have just had a lot of shorter-term relationships. The girl with the highest number is just really sexually confident and always has a bevy of admirers trying to woo her. But being close with all these girls with extremely diverse sexual pasts, you realize that a low or high number doesn’t prove anything about who they are or how good of a girlfriend or partner they would be.
[Let’s look at the times today… in the year 2012, it’s highly likely that anyone in their 20’s has already had several “relationships”. I put quotes there because everyone’s definition of relationship varies. Some girls may think they had a relationship with that guy they banged a few times last year, but the guy would likely not see it that way. I’d take the information with a grain of salt.
I’ve always held the opinion that previous partners, whether sexual or otherwise, are irrelevant to my current relationship.
[I tend to agree with the majority here… especially Breck Effect pointing out that you really need to figure out why this matters so much to you.
I mean… if you’re dating a porn star you can be reasonably certain her number is up there. 😉