Not really a ‘relationship’ question in the sexual way, but in a work/personal way. I’m a few weeks into my new job. Its an in-person help desk/repair job for computers and other electronics. I am the only female working in that department (the store has other departments, but we very seldom interact with anyone else). I have no issues being the only female, as that has normally been my lot in life. Having a brother the same age, and me being shy (got over that) meant when we were young, i spent time with his friends and didnt make my own. Got used to being only around guys. Add on top of that being a video game addict, IT geek, and frequenting heavy metal concerts. Besides family, i’ve only got one female friend. Like i said, i’m used to it. 4 of the guys i work with (i will call them ‘mine’ just to make thins easier) have no problem with me being of the female gender, and luckily the ones who’s shifts coincide with mine the most. They learned quickly (first day quickly) that i dont get offended, and can give as good as i take for friendly insults, banter, joking, and lewdness. Sadly thats only half of the guys i work with. While i dont see the other 5 as frequently (who i will call ‘the others’), i’ve still been around them plenty at this point, and they’ve even seen how comfortable ‘mine’ and i are when interacting. And ‘mine’ have stated several times that the ‘others’ act odd, quiet, and tense around me. And its not getting better the more i work with the ‘others’. I know i’ve only worked 12 days in, but the ‘other’ guys’ awkwardness around me makes me feel awkward so, while it doesnt effect our work, i get quieter and more reserved, which probably makes them think even more so that i’m not someone they can be loose and at ease with like they were before there was a girl in their midsts. I dont want to be their best friend, but with how relaxed, friendly, laid-back, FUN the job is with ‘my’ coworkers, and they say thats how its always been, i feel awful that my presence is making the ‘others’ not have that kind of work place currently. It is still early, and i’m hoping they’ll see i’m okay with sex jokes and crude language and such, but i’m not sure if there is anything i can, or should do, to help it along so i dont feel like i’m ruining the fun for the ‘other’ guys. Any tips?
LemonVibe 
[Funny, the comment I’m about to make is going to sound just like some of the comments I’ve made regarding relationships….
I think you’re trying to rush things too much. It takes time to build even work acquaintances and make people feel comfortable. I think it’s awesome that you’re concerned, but honestly, after only 12 days, you can’t expect people to already act completely at home around you.
Just be yourself and give it time. That’s pretty much all you can do. If their friendships are meant to be (as is the case with the four guys who are already “yours”), they’ll work out. If not, then… well, there’s not much you can do about it, anyway.
Congrats on the new job, though.
[Congrats on the new job.
Honestly, it says a lot about the type of person you are considering that you don’t want your presence to alter the “tone” of the work place for the ‘others’. That is commendable. Take note of that and never forget it. It’s a good quality to have.
With that being said, there may not be a lot you can do. Obviously you’re good at the work you do otherwise you would not have been hired. Obviously you are someone others can get along with, have a good time and not add any unnecessary tension to the work place based on the relationships you’ve made with ‘mine’.
This sounds like a problem the ‘others’ have to deal with themselves. You haven’t done anything wrong. And if they feel threatened, or uncomfortable, about your being employed there and working with them; then that is something they will either need to get over or plainly just suck it up and deal with it…or they can quit.
If you feel like trying to go that extra mile to see if they can loosen up a bit see if you can plan a little after-work outing that everyone would enjoy. Nothing major. Maybe there’s a restaurant near your work that all of you could meet at for drinks some Friday after the shifts have ended.
Otherwise, just keep doing what you’re doing. As you said, you’re only 12 days in so it may just take time for some of these guys to open up. I’m sure it will get easier as the days/weeks go by.
[It sounds like there’s not much you can do other than wait and see. I think bringing it up with these guys would only make it more uncomfortable. My best advice is to do your best not to let them alter your behavior at work – be as comfortable and outgoing as you can be, and hopefully they’ll get more comfortable with you as a little more time passes.
[The “others” may feel uncomfortable including you in the lewd jokes because of workplace harassment policies, which is something to think about. I don’t think I’d push the lewdness on them or make more jokes in their presence to show that you’re okay with it, but instead I’d just do my best to act laid back and at ease around them (easier said than done?). Maybe ask them a few questions about themselves, or just find some light banter to show that you’re approachable. It sounds like they just have to get comfortable around you, and the most you can really do is wait it out.
[First, I’m going to assume your one female friend refers to me… and you don’t get to burst my delusional bubble.
Second of all, I completely and totally understand how you feel. I have always worked in male-dominated fields, and still do. The last two companies I worked for only had one female employee that was outside of the human resources or administrative areas… and she was me. So I get it.
And really, the only thing you can do is to go on with your work and your life as if the “others” aren’t there. Just be you. You haven’t given them enough time to get to see who you really are. All they see right now are your boobs and your potential for inducing sensitivity seminars. So don’t try too hard, don’t go over the top to win them over… just act like you, and I ASSURE you, they will come around.
[I understand your plight. There was only one other female at my office when I started work there, and she left a few months later and I was the only female for a year. I was lucky b/c I got along well with the people in my department pretty easily The other department at my company was filled with rowdy guys and when another female finally went to work in their department, they were disappointed at first b/c they couldn’t really be crude anymore, etc. But the other girl showed them that she could be cool and joke around with them, so then they came to accept her.
I agree with everyone else – just wait and see what happens when it comes to the others. Be friendly towards them, and if they don’t like you then there’s really nothing you can do about it. There will always be a few coworkers who you don’t have much to talk to about, or who you feel kind of awkward around, so hopefully some more of the others will come around, but if they don’t then at least you have 4 guys who really enjoy your presence at work! And it will be the others’ fault that they can’t accept you.