There’s this guy that I’m head over heels in love with, but everyone around me is telling me he’s bad for me. My dad hates him, my best friend (a guy) absolutely loathes him, and all of my friends at school don’t seem to like him much either. When I’m with him, it’s like things are perfect. He’s charming and sexy and very chivalrous, but sometimes it seems like maybe he’s a tiny bit controlling.
He hates my best friend too, and every time I try to hang out with my friend he gets really upset. He tries to get me to stop hanging out with my friend (they have some weird jealousy issues), and the other night when he found out I was going to go visit my friend he did something to my car so that it wouldn’t start. He told me that he wasn’t going to let me go visit him, and that I was just going to have to deal with it.
He has to know where I am at all times or he freaks out, but I know he’s just acting this way because he cares about me and wants to make sure I’m safe. But sometimes I wonder if I’m making the right decision, since it seems like he’s a wedge between my friends and family and me.
I’ve never felt like this about anyone before, and I know we have something really special. When he’s not making me upset, things are perfect. I just don’t know what to do about my friends. I think the worst part about all of this is that he’s refusing to have sex with me or turn me into a vampire until I marry him.
LemonVibe 
[Hah, great stuff, anon 😛 I’m sure when he’s with you (during daytime hours) he just sparkles.
[no actually he acts that way because he’s insecure and has trust issues. The other stuff may be true but it also covers the truth. The only way he knows to minimize anxiety is to control situations including you. That’s not the kind of thing that’s magically going to get better. He deluding himself if he thinks marriage will make things all better. Realistically he won’t be “happy” till you’re estranged from your family and all your friends. That’s no way for a relationship to be.
[Really, are you kidding me? I hope you drive a jalopy, because if I had even a half-way decent car, and someone effed with it like that, there would be hell to pay.
[I feel like this situation could apply to a lot of women, actually. It’s an old story: girl meets boy, falls in love with boy. Boy turns out to be a controlling jerk, and brainwashes girl into thinking he’s wonderful. Girl’s friends and Boy don’t get along because they can see through his ruse. Girl doubts the sincerity of Boy and writes advice columnist.
No matter how you feel when you’re with him, the biggest clues are how he interacts with others. Controlling behavior, jealousy, vindictiveness… Need I say more?
[“He has to know where I am at all times or he freaks out, but I know he’s just acting this way because he cares about me and wants to make sure I’m safe.”
EHHHHHHHH… wrong! He’s like that because he’s controlling and insecure. And you love him because you’re insecure and feel out of control. Leave him. Immediately.
[I hope you are joking with this, because if you aren’t, then I am concerned. Get out of this relationship as fast as you can before you turn in to a plot in a Lifetime for Women Movie of the Week. Seriously. Run!
[Maybe this isn’t the guy for you. Love can come from surprising, unexpected places. What about this best friend? Was he there for you when this boyfriend wasn’t? Have you known him long? Does he take his shirt off frequently and show off impressive abs and pecs that even men notice?. Not in a gay way, just, you know, because you notice.
I would pursue this guy. You might even say I’m on his team. Team THAT GUY.