“My friends are backstabbers who leave me out”

Since the beginning of the school year (7th grade) I have been feeling left out. My friends always act as though I’m intruding. It’s as if they want me to go away and they can’t be more obvious about it, except for the fact that they can’t tell me to my face. The give each other these side looks and sometimes “joke” about how I am so annoying and dumb –though I know those aren’t really jokes– and yet they don’t ever try walking up to me and telling me how they feel to my face.

It’s a weird situation because I already know that I’m that friend that nobody likes, it’s just that I keep trying to make them let me in. I also know that if I called it quits, I wouldn’t have anywhere else to go. The friend groups at school are all formed and tightly packed. Wherever I would go, I would be intruding. I tried talking to one of these “friends” about how I feel. I literally spent three full weeks opening up to them on Snapchat and they showed support, making me feel like someone that mattered. We talked at school about it sometimes and I would feel more validated than I have felt in a full year (maybe two?). Continue reading