“I don’t know why he is holding back”

I had told my guy friend of 5 years that I liked him, his reply to this was that he’s not ready for a relationship, especially a long distance one, because he’s abroad. Keep in mind we’re still very close but he usually comes every summer.

The thing is, he didn’t reject nor admitted to liking me, but he still continues to treat me the way he used to. For instance, he will stare at me from a distance, and when I do catch him he turns shy and looks at his feet. Every conversation he maintains eye contact, holds my hand longer than a normal handshake would, and he’s very touchy.

This one time we were in a group conversation, and another one of my guy friends that he’s not too familiar with came up and hugged me from behind. The look and facial expression that he gave to the guy was so obvious, even my other guy friend saw and gave me the “what just happened” look.

And when he’s concerned I’m his number one priority, he will literally stop his conversation to make sure that I’m okay. But other times, I don’t know what’s happening. He just ignores me. And when I do it back to him, he thinks that I’m mad at him. But his hugs are to die for, he always wants a hug when he sees me, and if he doesn’t get one, he is moody the whole day.

Of lately, I found out that his mom knows social things about me, like my job, so it had to be him discussing with her. She seem fond of me, too, asking for me when I’m not at certain events and whenever she looks at me is usually in a fond way. That counts, doesn’t it?

And lastly, when we have those close-up lost-in-the-moment eye contact, it feels intense, like no one else around matters, and those usually last for more than 10 seconds, and he always give me this one-sided smile. To me all of that points to the positive, but I don’t know why he is holding back, please help?

3 thoughts on ““I don’t know why he is holding back”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Ask him again if you want, but he has already told you why. He doesn’t want a long distance relationship.

  2. Mark says:

    I don’t know if i can give you advice, but i might be able to give you insight to what he is thinking since am kinda in his spot.
    My best girl friend has a crush on me, (don’t ask me how i know) also she keeps dropping hints everywere. I want to stay friends with her since she is really cool and funny, also i dont want to hurt her.
    I try to hint to her that am not intrested romantically (i keep telling her that am not ready for relationships or about this other girl that i have a crush on) but it doesn’t seem to get to her.
    For those glances and stares i would say he might like you, but since you asked him directly and he said no, i think he must have made his choice using his brain not his heart (he might want to be with you but he knows he cant, so to not complicate things he just rejected you).
    I say as harsh as it sounds just accept it and move on, enjoy the times you guys are together but dont get greedy.
    Icarus burned his wings trying to reach for the sun even after he was warned not to.

  3. M says:

    I had a similar situation… I’ve had a a massive crush on my best friend from school. We’ve been very close, Always hanging out, always together, some people in school even speculated that We ARE dating, because of all the time we’ve spent together… and yes, there was the lingering looks, and the long hugs, and the small secret smiles… the whole thing. I however never told him about my feelings, i decided that my friendship was more important to me than a shaky maybe/ maybe not relationship. I moved away to study in a different country after school, and 2 failed relationships, and 5 years later, ( we were always in contact during that time online and occasional meeting when i visit home ), during a drunk reunion party, he instigated a night together, and we slept together, and it was an insane dream come true moment. Since then – he has been actively avoiding me. Just like that. We had almost no contact for 2 years. I lost a friend. A very close friend, that was dear to me. Because of tht one night of foolish drunkenness and nostalgia for a teenage crush… Maybe the guy you are talking about is simply smarter than my friend, i don’t know, and i don’t know if this gives you any insight, or is it just me, needing to talk about this. But if i could go back in time, and choose again, i would sacrifice that one night, to keeping a friend. In a heart beat.

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