“My mother is ready to press charges against my abusive father”

So my mother, older sister, father, and I live in this house owned by my grandmother. My grandmother and her mother lived next door until my great-grandmother died in late 2015. My great-grandmother was a tyrant and caused all of us to feel like shit, so we figured once she died, my grandmother would be able to live the life that she couldn’t before because of her and would become a lot nicer.

Well, that didn’t happen as planned. She is just as obsessive and mean as she was before. On top of her constant verbal abuse, my father and sister are emotionally abusive to my mother and me as well. My father will yell and curse at my mother for her weight and her job (whether she works her scheduled 40 hrs — which is too few for his taste — or if she works between that and 80 hours — which is too many — he is not satisfied), and he will be upset if the house isn’t kept up to his liking (even though he is the one that trashes it).

He will yell at me for not doing anything (if I don’t go out with friends or work), but will yell at me if I am doing too much (hanging out with friends or working) and is constantly upset with me being in school (since he has to drive me, because I am 19 and not allowed to have my license).

My sister feeds on any drama in the house and will do anything to stir anything up. We have never had a decent holiday at our house between her and my father. They both love to throw things, too — food, keys, television remotes, etc. You can never talk to any of them, my grandmother included, about anything because they will use it against you.

For example, they know I have bipolar depression (probably brought on by them) and will use it against me, saying I am crazy (you know while they are having temper tantrums like toddlers). To summarize this, they are emotionally abusive. I would like to note too, that my grandmother is my mother’s mom before I go into this next part.

So after a big explosion of bitching nine days ago, my mother and I left the house to spend the night in a hotel room and to come back the next day. We just needed to get away for a little bit for our sanity. They kept calling and messaging us wanting us to come home, but never apologizing for their actions, just telling us how in the wrong we were.

Can someone please tell me why we would want to go back to that?

Anywho, we stayed gone for a few more days, and when they found out where we were, we changed locations. During all of this, my mother and I have both been working our normal scheduled shifts, and I have been attending school per usual. After about four days of us being gone, I had to go volunteer (where my mom works, coincidentally) for one of my classes.

While I am helping an elderly woman, my grandmother storms in (I guess expecting to see my mother) with a large manila envelope to give to her. I take it (I did not open it prior to my mother doing so).

Inside the envelope was her cellphone, which my mother paid for for her, and a five page letter. To summarize the letter, it basically said all the things my mother and I have done wrong to cause emotional trauma to her.  Most of it was things my sister and father did. The things my mother and I apparently had done were nothing but lies and exaggerated truths.

Whatever makes her feel better, but why would that entice us to come home?

So the day before yesterday, my mother dropped me off at work. She noticed my grandmother pulling in beside her in the parking lot, so she backed out and left. My mother then pulled into an apartment complex behind where I work, hoping to throw her off the trail, and then parked the car.

Before she knew it, my father pulls in behind her, blocking her car. He jumps out of the car and attempts to disconnect the battery to my mother’s car. In efforts to get away, she backs up, NEARLY hitting (she did not hit him or the car according to a witness) his car and drives off. He gets in his car and starts speeding behind her nearly hitting her.

He turns around and goes away when my mother headed towards the police department. When my mother arrives at the police department it seems to be closed. She goes up to her work to call the police, and they tell her to meet them at the police department. All the while I am freaking the fuck out at work internally, while scanning people’s cough syrup.

So my mother has it documented what my father did, but has not pressed charges … yet. The plan is tomorrow to sneak back into the house while they are gone, so I can get my cat and some clothes, and for my mother to get some things that she needs. My mother and I are at a loss on what to do. We don’t have a place to go after Wednesday, and the police are only willing to help us get some clothes. I really need my cat, she is basically like a comfort to me when my anxiety is bad. I just got a message from my sister saying that my grandmother is disinheriting us, because that makes us want to go home.

I just need some help with this. I’ve dealt with this my whole life, and my mother has been dealing with it even longer. It’s a shame to have to do this, to have to flee the house we were both raised in on account of abuse, but we have no choice. I don’t understand why happiness is this high of a cost for us.

4 thoughts on ““My mother is ready to press charges against my abusive father”

  1. Anonymous says:

    First of all get the police to escort you to the house! They can and will do it. Keep documenting and pressing charges on them all. You will need it later on.

    big internet hugs

  2. merlotweb says:

    Update:
    We retrieved my cat. We have still been receiving a lot of messages from them about how everything is our fault. My mother and I are finding it difficult to find a house/apartment for rent locally and within our price range of what we can afford. I only work like 25 hrs a week and she works roughly 48, but with us both making $9 an hr it is still rough for us to try to make ends meet.

    • Dennis Hong says:

      Wow, I’m so sorry to hear that. To be honest, this isn’t my area of expertise, but from what I know, you and your mom might consider contacting a women’s shelter. I do believe they operate to help women deal with the exact predicament you’re in right now.

      Best of luck with this.

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