“I’m dating someone for stability”

I’m not claiming to be a great person but I’m dating someone for stability. I didn’t realize that was what I was doing until I really looked at the situation. He has a house that he asked me to move into, I’m saving money, I have a companion, and I get to be closer to my family. Everything sounds good on paper but there are a few downsides.

I’m moving several hours away from where I live for him and the only time I’m really attracted to him is when we’re having sex. He doesn’t give me the emotional support that I’m craving. He was so kind before we started dating but as soon as we put a title on us (which he pushed for) he became distant and cold. He’s one-worded and I feel like he doesn’t care about me. He has no problem going two days without any kind of communication (which is a big deal to me since this is long distance right now.)  When I press him on it, he apologizes and is okay for a day or two before reverting back to old habits.
If I weren’t moving in with him, I would have broken up with him. I feel trapped.

On the other side, I have an ex that everyone said was emotionally abusive and terrible that I cannot get out of my head. I’m still very much in love with him and I’m really tempted to talk to him again. I miss him so much but everyone important to me tells me that he’s no good and I really want to believe them.

I already gave away my lease and am due to move in soon but I just can’t shake this feeling that I’m not doing the right thing. I don’t know what to do.

2 thoughts on ““I’m dating someone for stability”

  1. Anonymous says:

    First off don’t go back to the ex. You are just romanticizing the guy, because you leapt into another relationship too quick. It’s a form of escapism. Listen to your loved ones. They love you and want the best for you.

    Now there are a few things you could do. You can explain you don’t have feelings for the man you are moving into to him and suggest being room mates until you break that lease. I wouldn’t start dating right off. I would take some me time to really recover and find out what I want in a man.

    You could move in with him and attempt to get him to go to counseling. Granted do you really want to invest any more into a man who is obviously not going to change and only does things to please you so he doesn’t have to deal with your feelings or really address that he’s not putting any work into his side of the relationship, because your feelings are inconvient to him.

    Or you could break the new lease if you have signed anything, pay some money and live with family until you get back on your feet enough that you can find a room mate or afford your own place.

    In the future make sure you honestly love someone before moving in with them.
    Best of luck to you.

  2. Sarah says:

    Being in a relationship can hurt and so can being lonely as I’m sure you know. The negative can turn into that need that is more like love. You need to take that step back and realize where you want to go for yourself. Boys are easy to accept but hard to lose when you believe you love them but it takes two to tango. Don’t be dancing by yourself.

    You can move back, nothing is ever truly final. You can explain to either your old landlord/lady that you’ll take it back. There is always a possibility that you can couch surf. Living with friends for a bit is better than feeling trapped. It is not a relationship if it is actually a prison.

    If your new beau don’t like you in return and with the same intensity, maybe it isn’t meant to be or it is too soon. There is always time to find out.

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