Too soon to add me on Facebook?

On an online dating site over the past week, I’ve been messaging with this guy who seems pretty cool. We exchanged a few messages through the site, then I told told him that he could email me directly. I haven’t given him my number yet.

Today, I noticed that he found me on Facebook and sent me a friend request. I have some stuff on my page that’s publicly viewable, but most of my pictures I’ve set to private. This leads me to believe that he sent the friend request because he wants to check out my pictures. Just to clarify, I already have more than 10 photos on my dating profile, so it’s not like I’m being all that secretive or anything.

The last message he sent me before I got the Facebook request was, “I’ve enjoyed messaging with you and was wondering if you want to meet sometime?” I haven’t responded yet, but I think he sent the Facebook request right after sending this email.

I’m thinking of denying his request and telling him that I only add people if we actually communicate from time to time. But, I do want to meet him, so I’m not sure if he would take this as a rejection. Any suggestions on how I can handle this?

13 thoughts on “Too soon to add me on Facebook?

  1. karlos says:

    [There may also be the chance that he see’s facebook a little differently than you, some people throw around adds like candy at a party or STD’s at a really good party.

    Either way I’m sure no one in their right mind would ever get annoyed at somebody not accepting an add straight away. Like others have said, just tell him you’re not comfortable with it and leave it in limbo. Also that way, if things don’t work for any reason out you get the small, but nonetheless satisfying task of clicking the shit out of the “not now” button. Automatically giving you the last word. Win!

  2. Solstice says:

    [I’d agree to meet him, but let the friend request lay in limbo for now. If you go out with him and like him, then you can accept his request if you feel comfortable. If it doesn’t work out, then you can deny it.

  3. resullins says:

    [I agree with her ^.

    Leave it in limbo. Or, if you want to be honest with him, which he may appreciate… just tell him you don’t know him well enough to add him yet, but that you’re not denying him either.

    Oh… and agree to meet with him, carefully, and with an open mind.

  4. Missy says:

    [Yep. Agree with the ladies above. Adding people on Facebook means different things to different people. He might be of the “collector” variety and it seems like you are not. There is absolutely nothing wrong with leaving it in limbo, and I don’t think you need to even address it with him unless you feel so inclined.

  5. Claudia says:

    [I doubt it’s just the pictures he wants to look at. The information on facebook is way too much than he needs to know right now. And then there is facebook stalking. I’d be very careful if I was you.

    Go ahead and leave the invite in limbo and only accept it when you feel comfortable. If he has an issue with it, it’s not your fault.

    Chances are he isn’t creepy stalker guy, but you never know. So go ahead and meet him if you want to. In public with someone else knowing all the details and to contact when you get back.

  6. Jasmine says:

    [Totally- meet him and leave the request in Limbo until then! I don’t see the need to clarify it unless he asks.

  7. Eleanor Roosevelt says:

    [I can’t add much more than anyone above has – I’d email him back and agree to meet, but let him know you only add people on fb that you actually know, so you’re not going to answer the friend request just yet.

  8. AKchic says:

    [I don’t add anyone to facebook unless I know them, or I’ve been chatting with them elsewhere for a good while. After a week, I would be hesitant to add someone as a friend that I don’t already know. But, I’ve got a lot of kid pictures and I’m pretty private with my friend list.

    I would leave him in limbo, meet with him in public and see what happens. Should this guy end up being a friend or new romantic relationship, then go ahead and add him. Should the date turn up, well… not so well, then decline.
    Do make sure that your settings are set properly so he can’t get your updates and see things just because you’ve been friend requested. I know that when I do a friend request, I end up seeing people’s posts even if they leave me in limbo, or if they request me and I leave them in limbo, I still see their posts.

  9. lovelygirl says:

    [I never add someone I’m dating until it’s been at LEAST 1 month, if not longer. Lately I’ve been employing the 3 month rule. Facebook causes too much unwanted drama and it can ruin new relationships. It’s another way for someone to judge you without knowing you. Just tell him up front that you choose to only add people you can trust.

  10. lilredbmw says:

    [Well, almost everyone has said exactly what I would say. Leave it in limbo. Go out with him and if things go well, add him. But since you have only chatted online, I would wait to get to know him before you invite him on to your FB. I’d say, if you wouldn’t invite him to your house, don’t invite him onto your friends list!

  11. Happy Pants says:

    [Like others have said, I’d agree to meet, but leave the friend request alone for now (and yes, double check the security settings). I always feel like knowing someone through Facebook takes away a lot of the mystery and excitement of dating someone new. It’s an open window into your life, and do you really want someone having that kind of access so quickly? It seems like a really quick jump to a more intimate relationship to me. I generally don’t add people I date on Facebook until I’m actually “dating” them, as in we continue to date after the first few meetings. Then again, once I add someone on Facebook, I have a hard time defriending them, so I pick and choose who I friend pretty carefully.

  12. MargieCharles says:

    [I think everyone else has already given pretty solid advice. I agree with leaving the request in limbo, and not reading too much into his friend request. I know a lot of people who think Facebook friends are for people who you’ve met once, have heard about, is a friend of a friend, etc. Then there are other people who only want close friends and family on Facebook. I don’t think the guy meant much by it, he was probably just curious to see that “side” of you.

    If you mention it to him, just tell him that you’d rather get to know each other without the help of Facebook first.

  13. Matt Sanchelli says:

    [I probably won’t end up saying anything here that hasn’t already been said once by someone else…but no one completely dislikes repetition right?

    You don’t necessarily need to decline the Friend Request, but do let it hang around in limbo for a little while. If possible always meet the person first before adding on Facebook (there can be exceptions here but it sounds like you plan on eventually meeting him in person so I say stick to this course-of-action).

    Now, you don’t have to add him to Facebook immediately after meeting him the first time. It you feel so inclined go out on other dates, or meet up with him, a number of times and just add him when you feel comfortable with it.

    Facebook has taken away some of the “appeal” of dating when it comes to learning about the person via conversation and interaction. You can tell a lot about a person from a profile (like Facebook) and therefore that removes the fun of learning about a person by simply spending time with them. If you’ve spent even just an hour looking at a profile you’ve probably learned enough about the person to remove the necessity for particular questions…questions you would have otherwise asked when out with that person…questions that may have then sparked more questions and deeper conversation.

    Some people are addicted to Facebook and it is their primary means of getting to know people and keeping in touch, etc. If you’re dating…Facebook should not be used as a means of “courting”.

    If he asks about the request be honest and simply state that you would rather get to know someone in person than electronically and then let things develop from there.

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