Your Model Relationship

Who is your model couple? Who do you look up to when trying to mold your own relationships. I always wonder, because I know that for a lot of people, it’s their parents. But my parents have been divorced since I was 6 months old. I actually can NOT imagine my parents being together.

I also ask because some friends of mine, who seemed to have the perfect relationship, are getting divorced. Two kids, happy, well off… no one saw it coming. So it’s kind of reinforcing my cynicism when it comes to relationships.

So who do you look up to? Or who do you look down to?

10 thoughts on “Your Model Relationship

  1. Missy says:

    [I kinda think that the relationships that look all bright and shiny on the outside are sometimes the ones that don’t make it. Their “happiness” is a facade that they display to their friends and family in order to “appear” normal. Cause if it looks good to everyone else, then it must be good, right?

    I try to remember that so that when I see a “good” relationship dissolve, I don’t get pessimistic about relationships in general.

    That being said, though, I wouldn’t mind being Victoria Beckham for a day. You know, just to make sure that the Beckham’s are as happy as they appear to be…

  2. Happy Pants says:

    [For a while it was my aunt and uncle—they’ve been married for over 25 years and love each other as much now as they did when they got married. They’re so happy, but I see how their dynamic works, and I’m not a fan. At the moment it’s my brother and sister-in-law, but they’re newlyweds, so you have to take that with a grain of salt.

    For me, it’s always been looking at couples who are genuinely happy and completely in love with each other, but I know those are really easily faked, and that we never see the inner workings of a relationship unless we’re in one.

    Still, if I had to pick a celebrity couple, I’m going with Amy Poehler and Will Arnett. Or Paul Rudd and whoever he’s married to, because who wouldn’t want to be married to him?

  3. lilredbmw says:

    [I do look up to my parents as a sort of relationship role model, but I also see now that I am older that their relationship has many flaws. But, hey, I guess even your parents aren’t perfect! I did learn so much from them, though. I learned that a relationship if worked properly can be much like a well-oiled machine. You have to do the work, though…the machine doesn’t oil itself. I learned it is possible to have a life outside of your children. My parents did triathlons, socialized and had other events in their lives. But we were always the priority. I leanred you better be best friends with your significant other, or things will be tough, very tough. I saw my parents go through very tough times, but they always worked it out. With all of that said, I try not to look to other couple’s as a role model for my relationship, because what works for them probably won’t work for me. I got to see the ins and outs of my parent’s relationship, but ultimately you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Sometimes, things aren’t what they appear to be!

  4. Maracuya says:

    [My role models are the college administrator where I worked and my boyfriend’s parents. The former are just so good at communicating. I always talked to her about the man problems I was having and she always 1) had great realistic advice and 2) her own personal experiences. She even told me not to think that everything has to be perfect to be a ‘good relationship,’ and even admitted when things weren’t so good she and her husband went to counseling to work out their issues. They have a very happy marriage now, but it makes me feel relieved to know that actual work goes into these perfect-looking partnerships.

    My boyfriend’s parents have been married for around 30 years and they still seem really happy to me (granted I’m not yet privy to the family drama/problems.) I’m sure they have their own set of arguments but the two of them work really well as a pair and are still joking, cuddly and spend lots of quality time together (which is what I’d like my marriage to look like after 30 years.)

  5. Solstice says:

    [It was my grandparents. Although their relationship is old-fashioned, and my grandmother did all the cooking, most of the housework, etc., they truly loved each other. My grandmother passed away last October and my grandfather is lost without her. I don’t know a couple who loved each other as much as they did.

    In terms of a more modern marriage, I always looked up to my aunt and uncle, but I just found out a couple of days ago that since my uncle has been out of work for a few years with no attempt to get a job, it has been putting a strain on their marriage. My aunt had a conversation with my mom about it. I always thought they were a fun, exciting couple who took weekend trips, long vacations, a great circle of friends and family, etc. And they are, but obviously more goes on below the surface than we all knew about.

  6. Dave Jag says:

    [It feels a little weird to admit this, but my family and friends have told me that my wife and I have the ideal marriage. We’ll hit 23 years this July and the only thing we really argue about is who gets to die first (because neither of us wants to be left behind!) There is no divorce in either of our families, but both of our parents did a good amount of fighting and arguing, so we both came into the marriage knowing exactly what we DIDN’T want to be. Sometimes that’s a lot more tangible than striving for some imaginary ideal you see on TV (Not that TV even shows happy couples anymore.)

    The Bottom line is, you can fight, argue, and cuss until you are blue in the face, but that never means you stop loving the person and respecting them above all else. The 3 little words “I’m sorry honey” will add more longevity and joy to your relationships than “I love you” ever will. Admitting when you’re wrong … or in trouble… or having doubts… is the ultimate sign of respect. That opens the lines of communication, and from there, you just gotta talk it out until you realize you love the person more than the issue you are discussing!

  7. MargieCharles says:

    [It was Heidi Klum and Seal. Wah wah wah.

    As depressing as it sounds, I try not to look up to any one too much, just because I don’t want to be let down if/when it fails. And I think if I tended to idolize a relationship, it would make me sad if I felt like mine wasn’t living up to it or if it were unattainable. I do have a few fictional relationships that I can think about when I’m in what-would-this-person-do type of line of thought. There are also a few other couples that I admire for their relationship, and I think about how they would handle it. Not because I think I’m going to try and mirror it exactly, but just to help ground myself and take a few pointers from.

  8. PKP says:

    [Interesting question. I can’t think of any couple I looked at and thought they were perfect or that they were something I should aim for in my own life. Of course, this is probably because I didn’t grow up with people who had positive relationships. I definitely knew what I didn’t want in a relationship based on these people.

  9. Jasmine says:

    [I grew up with a single mom and divorced grandparents, so I never really had an example of what did work, but what doesn’t. I think you are better off using the huxtables as your role model and having a therapists number in your wallet for those times when you need a mediator!!

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