So, I work in a small office that’s part of a larger organization. There are only four of us in my section, two women (including myself), and two men, one of whom supervises the rest of us. We all work closely together and have solid friendships both in and out of the office.
My problem is that the other male in the office (so, not my boss), has developed feelings for me. He is married (with kids!), although his marriage has had a number of ups and downs and divorce has been discussed. I’ve been kind of aware that this guy maybe felt more for me than is appropriate for just a friend and co-worker, but it wasn’t blatantly clear until last night, when he tried to kiss me.
I was able to avoid the kiss, and we parted on good terms, but I think it’s pretty clear that he’s going to try again and I need to figure out how to convey to him that any romantic entanglement between us REALLY really cannot happen (which is so obvious, anyway, but that’s a different story I guess), but also try to preserve the harmony of the office dynamics, not to mention the friendship (although that’s going to take a hit regardless). I’m torn between sitting down and having a conversation with him or taking the passive route by refusing to spend any more time with him solo. Any thoughts, advice, suggestions???
LemonVibe 
[If he tries to kiss you again, definitely have the conversation! It’s a perfect set up for you to just go ahead and address the issue instead of worrying about it every day. If it doesn’t come up again, it’s probably still best to address it. Just start off with “About the other night… I don’t know what you wanted exactly when you tried to kiss me, but …..” Having this between you two is going to majorly damage office dynamics. If he can’t handle it in a mature way, then it will harm office dynamics either way.
And I’ve never worked in a traditional office, but you may want to think about notifying HR. Not sure if that’s appropriate or necessary here, but you don’t want to be the one blamed for something if it comes up.
[Hmm, it depends on what you think will be a better way to preserve office dynamics. Do you think he will be pissed or take offense if you don’t want to spend time with him anymore/talk to him less/etc.? Would he be thinking “Okay, I messed up by kissing her, so I understand what she’s doing.” Or do you think he would be more offended if you were upfront had a talk with him about things? I guess it sort of depends on what type of person he is. But if you think it’s clear he’s going to try again, you might need to clear things up with a talk so he will really get the hint.
[You need to talk to him and make it extremely clear that this cannot happen, and enumerate the reasons why. And totally unsolicited advice, but you really don’t want to be the one his wife blames when things eventually fall apart.
[You really, really need to talk to this guy.
Just look at it from any other perspective, married man tries to kiss and start a relationship with his co-worker because he’s unhappy with his marriage.
That’s how like half of the videos on the internet start before the bassline and sax solos kick in.
[Tough one! Oh, man. Well, I can only speak for what I think I would do in this situation. I would approach it in a descrete manner(ie no one around) and just bring it up in a non-threatening way. For example: “I could be totally wrong, but I think the other day I might have thought you were going to kiss me. If that was the case, I just have to be clear that I can’t go down that road.” Then, leave it at that. Try not to let it be awkward with you two after you state your case.
[Dude, sue him for harassment or blackmail him by threatening to tell his wife!
No really, address it. Tell him you want no more contact like this and if there is more, you will have to take action. What he’s doing is not right. You rebuffed him once, and yet you still feel like he’s going to do it again…
Put on your big girl panties and step up!
[If sitting down with him and having a super direct talk with him (in which you would most likely scream “WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!?) is too intimidating, I think you could safely do a mixture of the two options you suggested. Since you think he might try this again, next time he invites you to some one-on-one time (or anything that isn’t in a large group or strictly business), I think it would be getting the point across to say something like, “Because of what happened last time, I really don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be in a situation like that again.” You’re refusing to spend any solo time with him, and at the same time you’re telling him that you’re not interested.
[First off, THANK YOU for caring that he is married. You are clearly in the upper 10% of the evolutionary scale! I recommend avoiding the 1-on-1 situations when possible. When it does inevitably occur, let him know that you are not comfortable being seen alone with him, or any married man. If starts going off on how he’s “almost divorced”, let him know you don’t date people you work with. If he’s still an a-hole about it, put the final nail in his coffin by capping it with, “I don’t much care for divorcees either.” If he persists, talk to HIS supervisor about it.