Reached a decision.

I have decided to quit.

I realize this sounds like the coward’s way out, but the mental anguish has reached a level I cannot cope with. Despite the fact that he turned out to be an asshole, I am in love with him and I won’t be able to stop being in love or function normally if I have to keep seeing him. My sectionmates have informed me that I don’t look particularly distressed, just quiet and reserved, so I know I’m not visibly falling apart, but on the inside I am dying.

I don’t care what he gets out of this. I don’t care if he feels like he “won” or if he gets some sick satisfaction out of my quitting. That speaks more to his character than mine. I also know that I might eventually be annoyed with myself for doing this once I get over it, or I might not. None of that matters. All I want is to stop being in love. And I can’t do that while I still work there.

It’s not even the rejection that hurts so much anymore. It’s all the lies he told me, all those things I told him in confidence only to have him use those things against me.

What do you think? Am I acting foolishly? Am I a coward?

6 thoughts on “Reached a decision.

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    [Well, to be blunt, you’ve quit already, right? Does it matter what we all think at this point?

    If this is what you think you need to do to move on, then… that’s what you should do. So, I don’t think you’re acting foolishly. I don’t think you’re a coward. I think you did what you had to.

    Good luck.

  2. Sabrina says:

    [Your mental health and happiness ALWAYS come first! Without those things in place, you can’t be as awesome of a friend, colleague, daughter, or sister as you usually are. Take good care of yourself.

  3. Matt Sanchelli says:

    [I don’t think it’s foolish, or cowardly, at all (as Dennis and Kelly said above).

    You’ve done what you need to do. What you need to help get over this. What you need to move on and carry on with life.

    A job is a job. If you had no particular attachment to it then it can be easily replaced. And, if being around him (working) is affecting you this way…seeing him daily could possibly make it worse as time went on and it could have then potentially reflected in your work, possibly negatively. Better to leave on your own terms than by being asked to leave.

    Good luck to you. I hope your wounds heal faster, and stronger, than you might expect.

  4. Dave Jag says:

    [You DO realize that the real unemployment rate is over 20%? Just sayin’. I think you need to thicken up your skin, which only comes by developing self-confidence. I recommend a self-defense course. Your body will hate you, but your brain will become so kick-ass you’ll welcome the pain. Your body and soul are linked, at least for the moment. Sometimes we don’t know how to feed our soul the things it needs, but improving the body is simple and methodical. Go forth and re-invent thyself!

  5. PKP says:

    [It’s really unfortunate that you basically quit because of him though. You liked the job and he made it impossible for you to work there. It may be childish and naive, but I hate it when the universe allows this kind of injustice.

    I hope your decision to leave helps you get on with your life and be happy.

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