I have decided to quit.
I realize this sounds like the coward’s way out, but the mental anguish has reached a level I cannot cope with. Despite the fact that he turned out to be an asshole, I am in love with him and I won’t be able to stop being in love or function normally if I have to keep seeing him. My sectionmates have informed me that I don’t look particularly distressed, just quiet and reserved, so I know I’m not visibly falling apart, but on the inside I am dying.
I don’t care what he gets out of this. I don’t care if he feels like he “won” or if he gets some sick satisfaction out of my quitting. That speaks more to his character than mine. I also know that I might eventually be annoyed with myself for doing this once I get over it, or I might not. None of that matters. All I want is to stop being in love. And I can’t do that while I still work there.
It’s not even the rejection that hurts so much anymore. It’s all the lies he told me, all those things I told him in confidence only to have him use those things against me.
What do you think? Am I acting foolishly? Am I a coward?