The three date rule: how long do you wait before you get down?

Everyone’s heard that the third date is when you “get down to business”, and I think it’s safe to say that after a few dates with someone, we all get a little more anxious to get him or her alone. And every time I see a bar review on Yelp, someone has to add something not just about what kind of a date to bring there, but what number—”This is the perfect place for a second date, not too intimate, not too casual” or “The dim lighting and sexy drinks make this place perfect for sealing the deal!”

So, how long do you wait when you’re dating someone before you actually do get them alone? What do you think is a good rule of thumb? I’m expecting a lot of “do whatever you feel comfortable with” answers, but really, how long does it take you, personally, before you get naked with someone?

11 thoughts on “The three date rule: how long do you wait before you get down?

  1. Bonita says:

    [This blurb makes me smile! As a librarian, I love me some rules and order. Therefore, I like to have the three date guideline in my mind. This also gives me a chance to see how I actually feel about a person and evaluate whether they’re actually date-able or simply boink-able or none of the above. My mother and I actually have a game where we give each other shit if one of us finds out the other is dating someone new and gave it up on date one or two. Date three, you’re in the clear. Earlier then that and the derogatory name calling lets loose!

  2. lilredbmw says:

    [So, yeah, when you are comfortable…blah, blah, blah. I think it depends on the types of dates you have gone on and how well those have gone. I have gone on some first dates where we have a great dinner and a couple drinks and we call it a night(no sex). I might go home totally infatuated, but I’m not ready to hit the sheets with them. So it might take a few more dates to feel ready. But, then I have gone on other dates where on the first date we hang out hiking and talking for hours and I feel like by the second meeting we’re ready to get down! Third, second, tenth…..who knows?

  3. Kier says:

    [I don’t think there’s really a one size fits all answer for this one. You’ll know when the time is right because it will [i]feel[/i] right. And if it feels right for both parties, by all means, proceed. Whether that is after the second date or the fifteenth. Making sure the time is right for both of you is all that matters.

  4. karlos says:

    [I’m a student. So it’s normally the first date.

    I think there’s an attitude that being in uni means lower inhibitions. And I’m ok with that.

  5. Happy Pants says:

    [For the record, I wasn’t asking for advice, just to see what everyone else thinks. I think it greatly depends on the person I’m dating and where I am in life (i.e. what I’m looking for or what I need). I have to feel comfortable with the person, but I don’t want to let it go so long that he ends up getting friend-zoned or it gets built up to be this great big deal with expectations that are bound to be disappointments.

  6. Solstice says:

    [I used to always think it would take me a few dates. But for the past 2 guys I dated, it was like, the 3rd date and the 2nd date. Oops. But it didn’t affect our relationships, the guys didn’t lose interest b/c I slept with them too early on, etc. So I suppose my rule is not on the first date, but after that, why the hell not if you are both feeling it.

  7. Jasmine says:

    [Back when I was dating my only rule was never on the first date (needless to say, I am not the kind of girl to have one night stands. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.). After the first date… all bets were off!
    (This is also why I stayed on the pill even when I wasn’t dating.. just, you know… in case!)

  8. PKP says:

    [This is probably one of those things where it’s better not to assign it a strict rule of any kind (not that you were or anything). But how about “Get naked with them when you’re sure they won’t laugh at you”? That seems wise.

  9. BreckEffect says:

    [It takes me a different amount of time depending on the person, but I’d say I probably average at least three dates before sleeping with a new guy. But, I’ve also gone longer than that (unwillingly) and shorter. The last guy I dated I slept with the first night I met him, but that’s unusual for me.

  10. Dave Jag says:

    [I say however long it takes you to answer the magic question, which is: “If my birth control fails, could I commit myself to this person long enough to raise a child?” If you can get there in the first date or two, I suspect you have missed your calling as a street-corner psychic! But seriously… don’t make sex a goal… don’t get pushed into it… and don’t discuss it with others. It’s just a stepping stone across the river of romance. Enjoy EVERY step.
    (BTW: Happy Easter everyone! Sort of trivializes our worldly concerns, doesn’t it?)

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