How would you feel if your current significant other and your ex-significant other became friends?

I’m posting this anonymously just to maintain SOME semblance of privacy, but I’m sure anybody who’s been keeping up with the discussions knows who this is. Anyway….

My last serious girlfriend and I broke up over two years ago. For a while, things were a little awkward, but we eventually figured out how to be friends. This was kind of necessary because we share a mutual circle of friends. Well, one thing this circle of friends does every year is take a ski trip, which is where I am right now. Think, 10 people sharing a three-bedroom condo for three days.

This year, I invited my girlfriend, knowing full well that the ex would be there. Mad props to her for being willing to go, even though she hadn’t hung out with any of these friends yet, so she knew she’d be getting the trial by fire with them (and no, she didn’t only go because she wanted to keep tabs on me while I was hanging out with the ex).

I am unbelievably stoked how welcoming my friends have been. I mean, I wouldn’t have expected any less (that’s why I’m friends with them, after all), but it was still such a relief that my girlfriend is getting along with everyone and is having a blast. And even more stoked that things haven’t been weird between the current and the ex. Of course, I wouldn’t say that my girlfriend and my ex-girlfriend are now “friends,” but still, it makes me happy to consider that possibility.

At the same time, I’ve known plenty of people who get weirded out by the thought of their current significant other becoming friends with their ex. So, my question is, how would you feel about it if this were to happen? And, if you wouldn’t be happy, why?

9 thoughts on “How would you feel if your current significant other and your ex-significant other became friends?

  1. Metacognition says:

    [I said a bit of this in another blurb, but it’s still awesome to hear that you’re more than capable to being friends with your exes. That’s what it comes down to, IMO. If YOU can realize that even though things didn’t work out between you and your ex that they are still an awesome person, why SHOULDN’T your current be able to see that as well? An ex may be an ex for a reason, but that doesn’t mean that they’re always a horrible person.
    Personally, I have no problems with the idea. My current GF thinks my exes were crazy because they left me, so I don’t think they’d hang out, but love does weird things to people. Either that or she just doesn’t want to see how crazy I am.
    If any gf of mine became friends with my exes, the only concern of mine would be the “nasty” secrets they would eventually share and those are things I could live with! 😛

  2. BreckEffect says:

    [This really depends on the ex in question. There are a few exes that I would not mind at all if the current bf became friends with them, although I can think of only one, really, that he would actually (probably) get along with. But there’s one that he’ll never get the chance to become friends with because I will never willingly spend enough time in the same room with this person to allow my boyfriend to get to know him, because my ex is a complete jackass that I try to avoid at all costs, so there’s that.

    Overall, I wouldn’t say the idea, theoretically speaking, makes me uncomfortable, but I also don’t think it’s very likely to happen. Most of my exes are not within my current circle of friends, or even in the same town, so it would quite a coincidence if my bf were to become friends with one of them.

  3. Happy Pants says:

    [I have a sub question: are guys actually afraid that if their exes meet their current girlfriends, that they’ll just sit around comparing notes about his performance in bed?

    Because we totally will.

  4. theattack says:

    [I wonder what it says about me that I would not be comfortable with this. I wouldn’t oppose it, but it would make me feel horribly awkward.

  5. Kier says:

    [I definitely think it depends on the ex. My ex did a lot of terrible things and our relationship ended in a very bad way. My girlfriend never even met her, but she hates her for the way that she treated me. I think if they ever ran into one another, my girlfriend would have a hard time not punching her in the face– let alone making friends with her.

    But yeah, if for some reason they became friends, that would be the most awkward thing in the world. I won’t happen, but if it did– oh god.

  6. MargieCharles says:

    [This scenario is so unrealistic it’s hard for me to consider it. If my boyfriend became friends with either of my two douchey exes, I think I would be upset.

    “Really? You think it’s a good idea to befriend the guy who used to yell at me for blinking too loud? What kind of horrible judgment do you have?”

    If it was my most recent ex, I think I would just be sufficiently weirded out, even though we aren’t on bad terms.

    I think the biggest difference is that *you* are still friends with your ex, in which case I would hope that your current SO and ex could at least be friendly if they didn’t at least become friends. Because how much more miserable would it make everything if the two actively disliked each other?

  7. thefierycrash says:

    [I once had my then-current boyfriend sit next to my ex-boyfriend on a 3 hour flight. are ya kidding me? and it was southwest which meant one of them had to save the other a seat, willingly. and it was *that* ex… the one you are secretly still in love with… groan. i grilled then-current boyfriend about what they talked about but they apparently stayed away from the one thing they had in comment. psh.

    with that said, not being “friends” with any of my exes, really, i think it’d be strange for my boyfriend to befriend them. would i NOT be okay with it? no. i’ve met a few of his exes and while I doubt he’d be all that happy if we became BFFs, i think there’s only one or two really that he’d like to especially keep me away from. and the feeling is mutual.

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