Growing up with an older brother, and as the kid who often got picked on, I quickly developed a competitive nature as a sort of defense mechanism. In dating and relationships, however, I’ve found that it can sometimes get me in trouble.
When first meeting someone, I try to keep it in check, because competitiveness, paired with my no-bullshit attitude, can make me seem like a heartless bitch. Once I’m in a relationship, it can make for some fun nights out (or in), until I take it too far. After a breakup, like many people, I check up on my ex, hoping I’m doing just a tad bit better than he is, and am pretty sad when it turns out I’m not.
What do you guys think of competitiveness and dating? Can it be healthy? How much is too much? How do you deal with it after a breakup? (I’m aware the best way is to just ignore it and focus on your own life, but hey, no one’s perfect.)
LemonVibe 
[Given your baking skills, I think a better tagline for you would be:
“Anything you can do, I can do butter.”
[@HP: If I could cook, you and I may just meld into the same person. I have 3 brothers, and 3 male cousins that grew up with me like brothers. I am by far the most competitive person I know, and it definitely gets me in trouble.
However, I have found that it has more impact on friendships than it does on relationships. Q’s completely noncompetitive, so he keeps me more grounded.
Although I do make sure that I always win at the break-ups.
[Life in my eyes is one big game.
Competitiveness is awesome if done correctly, some of my best dates are ones where I’ve been trounced at pool, bowling or sex because I was too over confident. It adds a little fire to life which is great.
But extending it beyond a relationship may be a little too far, since if you’re trying to compete with your ex, it’s kind of like punching a child. Easy to do, but hard to explain why without seeming like a sociopath.
It’s all about the person you’re competing with and how humble a winner you are. The only thing people hate more than sore loser is a winner who won’t shut up about it.
[Oh, ahem, Kier already beat you to this discussion. But, you know, he’s competitive like that:
http://www.lemonvibe.com/blurbs#!agxsZW1vbnZpYmVoamFyKQsSCFNpdGVVc2VyIhBvZ2RyaW5AZ21haWwuY29tDAsSBUJsdXJiGAEM
[I definitely think there is a place for competition in both friendships and romantic relationships…like karlos said, it adds spice to life and can be really fun.
But, the root of competition should be a desire to do better for yourself, not because you just have to beat everyone else and if you don’t you feel bad about yourself. Life is a series of wins and disappointments, for everyone, and so at some point harboring intense competitive feelings towards other people is really just an exercise in futility. Even if on the outside they appear to be “winning” in comparison to you, you never really know if that’s the case or what’s going on in the interior of their life.
Which is why, competition really should stay in the areas in which it belongs, aka actual interactions between two people where there is an identifiable goal or end that you are both trying to achieve. So be competitive about trivia, or bowling, or sex, or even about getting a bigger raise than your immediate co-worker. Don’t be competitive about amorphous ideals like “so-so has a better _life_ than I do, so I lose.” That’s just unproductive, demoralizing, and silly.
[This is a great question! I think it’s a case by case situation. I know plenty of couples who have game nights, or engage in little competitions and they find in stimulating and good fun. I think those people might be competitive, but not too competitve. See, I can usually not compete with anyone, because I can not compete “for fun.” I compete to win. That is really the only reason I show up. Is there any other reason? So, should I lose, I am no fun to be around. I either cry, get angry, or get super-irritated. Okay, whatever, I have a problem! Relationships can thrive with some friendly competition, but they can also fail if it’s taken too far. Each couple has a different outlook on this. I think I am a lot like Happy Pants…I get too competitive and that takes the fun out of it. And, yes, sometimes I check up on my exes…just to make sure I am still winning in the REAL game of life.
[I’d like to comment on the part about checking up on an ex. While I don’t go looking, I love incidently running into them places, and seeing who won.
By the way, you can lose and then win again with the same person, so don’t get discouraged.