All right. This one’s a long story.
I was dating a girl, let’s call her M, four years ago. I dated her for about 9 months, and it ended a little less than a year before I started dating the girl I am with now. Well call her Emily because that’s her real name, I’m not ashamed of being with her, and I won’t be saying negative things about her like I will M.
Now, some of you may have gotten some of this from advice I’ve given on other blurbs, but M was (unbeknownst to me) cheating on me (sex, not just kissing) throughout the entirety of our relationship. At about the 5 month mark, I caught her in a lie about where she’d been on one particular night, and she admitted to sleeping with someone else. I forgave her, stupidly, but I was young and naive.
Anyway, like I said, I forgave her. And at 9 months I caught her in another lie, and she admitted to sleeping with one of my best friends– sort of. She claimed that he raped her. Se was very, very convincing about this. She called the police, there was an investigation, so on and so forth.
They determined that she wasn’t raped (in that it was consensual sex, not that he had never had sex with her), I broke it off with her, and my friend and I never spoke again (although I tried to make amends). Whatever. He clearly wasn’t a good friend anyway if he could do that to me.
But now, even though I am very happy in my relationship, I can’t help but check M’s facebook every now and then. (Her profile isn’t private, in case any of you though we were friends on there). And from what I can understand, she is very happy, engaged, so on and so forth.
This just eats me up inside. It’s not that I want to be with her. It’s quite the opposite actually. I hate her and want her to me miserable. And it hurts to see that she isn’t.
Is that normal? And how do I go about getting over it? I don’t like feeling this way.
LemonVibe 
[It was high school. I honestly dont believe there were very many good, healthy, ‘normal’ relationships in high school. Its when you are first having sex, learning about sex, learning what you like, what you dont like, etc. While the school i went to was rather small (80 kids in my grade) there were only 2 relationships that i can remember that never had cheating (and those 2 relationships are now happy marriages). Think back to all the things you are not proud of that you did in high school. I understand that you were hurt, an especially having that as a ‘first’ relationship was not good. But would you really want someone else to hold your stupid high school mistakes against you for the rest of your life?? I understand your hurt 100%. My ‘first’ boyfriend in high school cheated on me with my ‘best friend’ (the only female friend i had in high school infact) and it was awful. That was 8 years ago, so a bit longer ago than yours, but i still have a grudge against that girl (not him, because he was just an ass and didnt then, nor now, deserve my time or thoughts), but i have to remember that it was high school, and high school, especially a high school relationship, is not real life. If only your feelings of hate are causing a problem, then really look at why you hate her. Is it a feeling of betrayal, jealousy, rejection, etc? Then think about why that affects you so much. Possible ego issues, lack of confidence, abandonment issues? Find the core of why it bothers you. Then work on that. You dont need to be glad she’s all happy and doing well, you need to not care if she’s marrying a millionaire and getting a private jet or living on the streets selling meth to 2nd graders. I know i did stupid things in high school, and i hope no one hates me forever because of them. If i found out they did, not to be mean, but I wouldnt think that was very healthy and that they may have further issues. But again, i was a sophomore 8 years ago, not 4, so its been longer to get over and deal with life for me than it has for you.
[Everybody’s right so far; I agree 100%. I’d like to take it a step further though, and say to you- it’s time to really move on. Visit her facebook page one last time to hit the “block” link. That way she’ll be invisible to you as you figure out how to fill your life with so much positive stuff you literally won’t have time or emotional energy to keep obsessing over somebody that you used to know.
[Schadenfreude feels good in the moment, but it’s never satisfying. My sophomore year too (of college) my boyfriend cheated on me. I understand where you’re coming from. You check her facebook because you want her to be miserable, but even if she was, when would you draw the line to say, “I’m satisfied.” And why would you be ultimately satisfied by her bad fortune? You guys were in high school–I saw plenty of relationships that ended dramatically and because one party was selfish. They’re immature.
In the end, your anger toward her will remain unacknowledged, and because it can’t be directed at her, it will only burn where it’s held. If you can sort out that tumultuous jumble of emotions–anger, envy, insecurity–you can come out the better for it. There’s no reason to waste that kind of energy on someone who no longer is a part of your life. Do your best to acknowledge the reasons for failure, the acceptance of what happened, and then move on to enjoy what life has to offer. If you work on making your life the one you want, I guarantee that the thought of how her’s is going won’t cross your mind.
[Every time you have the urge to check her Facebook, or other social media, block her, and train yourself to do something else. Smack your hand, go check out the newest blurbs on LemonVibe, something. But do it repeatedly so it becomes habit. “M’s facebook? No! Coffee time!” Sure you might be the jitteriest person on the face of the planet, but think of the good you’re doing for the economy! Facebook is free, coffee is not. Support your local economy.
[Kier, create a new facebook profile with the same name as your ex, put its profile picture as that of an old woman. Use this profile to send your ex a message teeling her it’s herself from the future and she needs to avoid (whatever her favourite food is).
To make it more convincing you may want to throw in personal details from her life, or intimate details no one except you and her would know.
Then delete that profile and block your ex, knowing she’s either freaked the fuck out or never going to eat her favourite food again.
[Oh. So, we’re not supposed to Facebook stalk our ex’s?
[There’s a guy I used to be into and he started dating a friend of mine. I was still in love with the guy at the time, and both of them hid it from me for a couple of months, but I figured it out on my own. Even though I defriended them and am over the guy now, I still can’t help but look at their profiles once in awhile to see what their profile photos are, etc. I wish I didn’t care, but somehow I still have this curiosity about them and it’s been almost 2 years. The difference is I guess that I would like them to be happy, I just don’t want them to be dating each other.
I guess I don’t really have any advice, b/c I understand the urge, but blocking maybe would help. Eventually the feelings may start to go away if you can’t look at her profile anymore, and maybe you will think about her less/
[Dont listen to these hippies Kier. They are on Emilys side. They want you to die. They dont want you to realize you have the secret to a long and healthy life in the palm of your hands. You must make it your life’s goal to outlive this horrid woman. Every time you want to smoke a cigarette, every time you want to eat too much, every time you think about doing something that might decrease your lifespan. Remember emily. Remember how she hurt you. Remember how she CRUSHED your heart. Remember the hate in her heart that allowed her to sleep with your friend. Remember it. Always. Then. Finally, after years of struggling. You will gaze upon her profile and see a flood of comments on her wall saying “R.I.P” and you will know that you have beaten her. You will know you won. Go forth Kier. and vanquish your demons. Do not let these cheese eating surrender monkeys convince you that “Moving on” is the right thing too do. I believe in you.