Here’s a moral conundrum for you guys:
At some point in a relationship, the two of you will participate in a competitive activity of some sort. From my personal experience with my girlfriends, that includes bowling, pool, and video games.
Now, some men feel like they have to let the girl win. Some women find this offensive or insulting. Some just play, and whoever wins, wins. Some women like this, but others get mad if they lose. Others fall into the “win at all costs” category.
My girlfriend and I are extremely competitive, and often fall into the last of those three groups. She would find it extremely insulting if I felt like I had to let her win at anything. She would rather be utterly destroyed at whatever we are doing than not win entirely because of her own effort and skill.
But what do you guys think? Are some relationships different? Do some women get mad if their men don’t let them win? (I’ve never had the displeasure to experience that, thank god).
Discuss.
LemonVibe 
[My boyfriend would never let me win and I’m the same way (most of the time). He and I are both scientists at heart, so we base our social attitudes about how things realistically should be. For example, he should be better at most sports than me. The exception is volleyball, I have training in it and he doesn’t. But even so, we’re pretty evenly matched. If he had played in school, he’d destroy me.
When he doesn’t beat me at things, he gets down on himself. He SHOULD be better at everything (physical, anyway) than I am. It’s just the way the world works (in general) and I’m fine with it. For whatever reason, if I beat him at bowling or mini-golf, he gets very confused and feels like a loser. I don’t usually let him win, but once in a while I do just to keep him happy.
[I say it definitely varies from relationship to relationship, and you have to take it on a case-by-case basis.
In a similar vein, another thing to consider is the nature of the game, and whether one party is just playing for fun or wants to improve. I’ve introduced girls I was dating to activities that I was much better in, but they were relatively new to. Some of these girls appreciated when I coached them. Others found it condescending. I think the ones who appreciated my coaching were ones who were truly interested in the activity and wanted to get better. The ones who didn’t were just doing it for fun and therefore thought I was taking it “too seriously.”
To go back to your example then, because you’re both competitive and obviously take your games seriously, then it would be insulting *not* to play hard against each other. On the other hand, if you introduce your girlfriend to something that she’s not so into, and you don’t hold back and absolutely demolish her (mostly because you’re simply better at said activity), then I think that’s kind of uncalled for.
I think my girlfriend and I are currently trying to figure out where we stand on this issue when it comes to Words With Friends. 😉
[Oh, man. I definitely don’t like being given a win. I find it insulting. That said, I also don’t like when my boyfriend takes fun things too seriously. If it’s something minor that we’re not ever going to think about after the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who wins! Sometimes I have to curb my competitive side as well.
[I am pretty much the opposite of competitive. Don’t get me wrong – I love to win, but I don’t get invested in it. I find it “cute” if a guy lets me win at something on a first or second date, but after that…not so much. What fun is it if he’s not even trying?
[I’m a competitive person. Down to the core. Letting someone win defeats the purpose. If they “win” because you allowed them to win, then ultimately they didn’t win at all. In fact, they lost because you were basically saying you would have won, had it not been for the fact that you gave them a win. There are things that I won’t do with my hubby because I know that I am too competitive in these areas and I would get upset if I lost. So, I think in a relationship you pick your competitions. I won’t race my husband on a bike, ever, but I will play a card game with him. If it’s friendly I say do it, but once it crosses a line, then it’s time to quit.
[I’m competitive, but I wouldn’t want the guy to let me win at anything. I like to win fair and square.
[In my relationship, we aren’t very competitive against each other. We play board games, video games, etc and there are never hurt feelings. When we (individually or together) play or do competitive things against other people… well thats another story! We team up, without even realizing it most of the time, to win at all costs against others. If i’m playing Trivial Pursuit against him, its light and friendly. Playing against anyone else, I feel like its a death match. Same with him. Playing anything against anyone but me is an “I must win!” thing for him. We are both VERY competitive people, but it never surfaces in games/activities between the two of us.
[I don’t like to win against a girl but for a different reason than the ones mentioned. I’m a big videogame player and if a girl ever asks to play I don’t like to play properly.
Not because I think winning would annoy them, but I don’t want a girl to know how much time I’ve spent doing the same activity over and over again to get better at it.
It’s the same reason I pretend to be bad at sex.
[I think competition is important for any relationship; as long has it’s done in a healthy manner.
As some have stated above a lot of it is circumstantial to the individuals and the events they are taking part of. Some people are able to recognize their frustration and will walk away while things are still civil. Others may get angry, frustrated and continue on using that energy…only to eventually everything explodes simply because of competitive nature.
While it is difficult to offer “blanket advice” that will address all people and all competitive circumstances, at least one option to consider is this:
If there is something you (or your significant other) loves doing and the other person detests it (because of skill level, etc.) make it a fun competition. If you are really good at Putt-Putt and win every time…first be a good winner…but most of all give the other person incentive to play even though they probably aren’t going to win. Place a fun bet somewhere in the game. Place a particular prize whenever either of your get a hole-in-one. A good win/win wager is a give the person a kiss. Regardless of who gets the hole-in-one, you both benefit.
The important thing to remember is that you want to share an experience with someone you care about and sometimes that means doing something one person may excel at and the other may completely suck at. This is where the event is no longer an individual task and it’s something where you approach it as a team.
[Destroy them. Prove that you are a man. The End.
[“Let the Wookie win” comes to mind..
Let me explain. I’m not saying your girlfriends are hairy dog/bear/men. (I’m saying that about your moms. ZING!) I’m saying you all know the type of person that can’t handle losing, that you probably wouldn’t play with in the first place. Sometimes you’re dating one of these. I find that if you must compete with this type it usually is less hassle to let this Wookie win.
[I am very competitive and hate losing. That said…I don’t want to be GIVEN a win. I want to beat the other person to a bloody pulp.
I also don’t like competitions where I suck, because I can’t do that. Those activities are better done in a non-competitive manner.