Now, I’m not just talking about simple opposite-sex friendships. I think those are great. I’m talking about opposite-sex *best* friends (assuming both parties are straight), which I’m starting to feel is… well, sketchy.
As I get older, I find myself learning to be less judgmental of people, but this is one area where I find myself actually becoming *more* judgmental. I’ve just never come across an instance of opposite-sex best friends where one party didn’t have romantic ulterior motives, or wasn’t secretly in love, but just didn’t realize it. I mean, shit, this is the stuff that rom coms are made of.
And the more one or more parties of the friendship tout each other as being “best friends,” the more skeptical I get. It seems like, in these cases, Person A is romantically interested in Person B, and Person B adores Person A back and loves spending time with them, but then, Person B is actually using the “best friend” line to make it perfectly clear that that’s *all* they’ll ever be. In that way, it’s not actually a term of endearment. It’s drawing an uncrossable line.
Of course, I can’t rule out the possibility that somewhere out there, there’s a guy and a girl who did become and stay best friends due to some circumstance I haven’t anticipated, but… just from what I’ve seen and experienced, I can categorically state that I no longer believe in opposite-sex best friends. At least, not without a lot of suspicions and skepticism.
LemonVibe 
[I really don’t believe in opposite sex best friends. It’s just not natural. Now, of course, if there’s some odd circumstance, like, they grew up together and feel more like brother and sister than friends… That is more understandable. Still weird, and still potential for romance to creep in, but at least it’s an explanation.
However. Most situations aren’t like that. Mostly, it’s two people who met and (one or both people) didn’t feel a romantic spark, so they became friends. Sometimes those feelings come later. When a girl and guy are friends, the girl pours her heart out about life, school, family, love life, etc., and the guy is just supposed to be there for support. But when a girl is comfortable enough around a guy to be open and honest with him, that’s when she’s the most real. That’s when she’s lovable. That’s when her guy friend sees all the amazing things about her. That’s why you should only open up to your lady friends.
The funny thing is that girls don’t even realize we’re doing this. We focus so much energy on being desirable to Sexy Guy, that we don’t realize we’re being honest and showing who we really are to Friend Guy, who is now falling in love with us. It’s really a problem.
I really think any guy whose BEST FRIEND is a girl, is kidding himself. There are two options.
1. She’s in love with him and will do anything for him, and that’s why he continually turns to her.
2. He’s in love with her and just doesn’t want to admit it to anyone.
When a girl says her BEST FRIEND is a guy, she might think that’s the honest truth. Her best friend really might be that guy, but he’s probably in love with her. That’s just how it is.
[I don’t believe in opposite-sex best friends. Any guy who I’ve been really good or best friends with, has either liked me, I’ve liked them, or we’ve hooked up. I don’t think guys and girls can be close and spend a lot of time alone together without feelings developing at some point on one end, if they weren’t there to being with.
I can only think of 2 exceptions. One isn’t a best friend, but he is a guy I spend time alone with when we see each other every few months. I’m pretty sure there has never been any romantic interest between us. Another was a best guy friend from high school, but I, along with a couple of other mutual friends, believe he may be asexual (not interested in romantic relationships with either sex).
[Opposite-sex friendships can work, but *best* friendships are sticky. A spouse or significant other will begin to fill most of the role of a best friend, in my opinion. Examples of the needs that best friends fill:
*spend most of your spare time with
*share all your secrets with
*shares your interests
*you can bitch with
*who will support you
These are, of course, generic as hell. But I feel like most people naturally gravitate towards their significant other over time since they will meet most of these needs. Naturally, people can and should have other friends–nobody can fill all roles for one person.
I think people find opposite-sex friendships suspicious when they break the unwritten rules about the friendship/romantic relationship balance–i.e. when they start bitching to their friend about their relationship or marriage, blow off hanging with their SO for their friend, don’t tell or minimize how often they spend time with their friend, text often (emotional reliance) and don’t set boundaries (accept calls late or at inappropriate times that don’t consider the SO’s feelings.)
So, uh, don’t go out with those people.
[I think being friends with someone of the opposite sex isn’t that difficult, however it’s when one party has a partner when a problem normally arises.
Since like Dennis and Maracuya so elequently put, it can be suspicious.
However, sometimes a best friend shares an interest a partner doesn’t, not all couples share the exact same interests. If there’s someone that does and that person just so happens to have a pair of sweater kittens or a wang, I don’t see how that changes the nature of the respective friendship or relationship.
It’s akin to saying straight person can’t have a gay best friend of the same sex, being friends with someone that belongs to the sex you’re attracted to doesn’t mean you’re attracted to them.
Partners and friends fufill different needs, a partner can be your friend but a best friend, more often than not is someone you’ve known for years. It’s rare that anyone will have known their partner longer than their best friend.
[I think it really just depends on the person, and it’s tough to make sweeping generalizations.
If someone has tended to have friends of the opposite sex for most of their life, I think it’s not all that weird that maybe their best friend is of the opposite sex. But if someone has rarely had a friend of the opposite sex and all of the sudden has one as a bff, then I think that would be a little suspicious and maybe there were some underlying feelings there.
[I had a female friend who called me her “best friend” once. I thought that was kind of weird, because I never really considered her my best friend. I guess we did hang out a lot, but I never would have called her my best friend.
[I think i differ on this opinion then most people. I have one female friend, and i met her through my “best friend” who is a guy (although i will agree, Babe is my BEST friend, but besides him, this guy is tops and the person i am closest with). They are getting married, and I am the maid-of-honor. I’ve known Chris for 6 years, not my whole life, and, aside from Babe and family, he truly is my “best friend”. Within a month of knowing each other, we knew pretty much everything about each other. We would go to a fast food place, and without asking what the other wanted, one of us would order food for both of us, based solely on the other’s mood. And never once did we get it wrong. He came to my step-dads funeral with me, than spent the whole following week with me at my dads, and I didnt ask him to do any of it. And guess what? That whole time he was in a relationship. I am the god mother of both of his kids (one with his fiancee and one with the girl he was seeing when my step dad died). I have been there for him as well, through his moms breast cancer, his breakup with first girl, every fight between him and fiancee. There has never been anything sexual or romantic between us. I’m not his type (i’m too outspoken and he is a self-proclaimed ‘chubby chaser’ and while i’m not tiny, i’m not large) and he’s not mine (too immature and, as awful as this sounds, not smart enough). I consider him family, but not really a ‘brother’. I refer to his kids as my niece and nephew. His fiancee did not understand our relationship at first, and neither did Babe, but they do now. There is no jealousy issues. If my best friend were to spend the night at my place, or me at his, with our SOs not around, there would be no worries or concerns. I have never had a friend like Chris, male or female. And while there still are people who dont understand, and always will be, him, his fiancee, Babe, and I DO understand, and thats all that matters. We had an instant connection, but it has never been romantic or sexual. And i know people may lie about it, but i can tell when Chris is lying (his fiancee is still learning how to tell) and i’ve asked him if he ever had any ‘more than friends’ feelings for me, and he truthfully said ‘No’. And i’ve never had any for him. I know he’s an attractive person, but i’m not attracted to him. And yes, that is possible. I know my brother is attractive, but i’m not attracted to him. Its the same category. Its family. I’m not sure which family catergory i would put him in. I wouldnt talk about sex with my brother, but i do with Chris. We just connect. We have a lot of the same interests, beliefs, ideals, etc. Again, i’m closest and share the most with Babe, but after him, its Chris. If Babe and I are fighting, i ask Chris for advice, and he asks the same of me when him and his fiancee are fighting. When i’m having a rough go of things, and Babe is at work (i never bother him at work) I’ll call Chris, then when Babe gets home, i’ll talk to him about it as well. Other girls i know have the same kind of relationship him and i have, but with a girl. I dont see it as a problem, and again, neither do our significant others. There IS no problem.
[Boys and girls can be friends? That’s icky.
[Not sure if we were best friends, but one of my closest friends for a long time was a girl. I was interested in her romantically at one point in time, but that faded. As it disappeared, our friendship became stronger. She harbored no romantic feelings for me. It can happen, but it’s not common.