I have a wonderful hubby. He is the world to me. But we always have the same “fight.” We get so caught up in our daily lives, that he doesn’t make the time to ask me out on dates or do anything romantic. I am not the person who needs anything too pricey, but I do need the idea of a date with my husband. I want to feel like we are still in love and we aren’t just friends. I have brought it up in so many ways and every time it gets better for a few months and then it’s back to the beginning again. I have yelled, cried, been rational, written notes. I have tried so many times, but it never sticks with him. I am starting to feel like we might just have this fight over and over for the rest of our lives. He knows that this affects our relationship in so many ways(emotionally, physically, romantically), but he can’t seem to remember to put in this small effort to ask out his wife on a date!! What can I do? I hate feeling like I am going in circles with him!
LemonVibe 
[It’s funny, my girlfriend and I just had a similar conversation last night. We were hanging out at my place, and she ended up falling asleep on the couch, so I came into my office and started working on LemonVibe. When she woke up, she joking told me that she suspected I’d slipped her a roofie… so that I could get some work done and not have to hang out with her.
Anyway, being that I’m in basically your husband’s position, I have to admit that I can see both sides of the situation. Could it be that the idea of going on “dates” just isn’t that big a deal to him, and that’s why it slips his mind? To me, there’s a huge difference between being unromantic out of spite or neglect, and just not being that romantically-inclined of a person. If he’s the latter, then the fact that things do change for several months at a time says a lot, because it shows how he really is making an effort to meet your needs. And I think you need to respect him for that.
So if that is the case, would it be that big of a deal for you to gently remind him every few months? You know, say something like, “We haven’t been out on a date in a while. Would you like to plan something for us next weekend?” That way, you’re letting him take the initiative, but you’re also not putting it all on him and counting on him to remember.
Because, honestly, he’s probably gonna need the reminders, and I don’t know that it’s ever going to “stick with him,” as you put it.
[I have to agree with Dennis and Margaret here. It sounds like this is the way your husband simply is.
Did you ever get this vibe from him while you were going out (before marriage)? As the two of you were together longer did the actual date become fewer and farther apart? Did the romance seem to get replaced with comfort?
I know that it can be very easy to become comfortable with someone the longer you’re with them and the idea of “dates” seems to go out the window; in a way.
I think this definitely hold true for married couples, or couples living together. You see each other every day so it can be easy to fall into a routine.
I think the fact that things do get better after the two of you have your discussions/arguments means that he is genuinely putting forth the effort. Arranging dates can sometimes be exhausting. Other times it can be terrifying. I’m sure he’s felt the latter before after having an actual argument about the low number of dates the two of you have been on.
My advice is to try and remain calm with him when you feel like it has been a while since the two of you had a date…and bring it up to him in a calm, rational way. Simply say something like, “It’s been a while since we’ve gone on a “real” date. I’ve really wanted to see [insert movie or show or activity]. Let’s do that this weekend and why don’t you pick a restaurant and make reservations?” Meet him half way (as Margaret recommended).
Also, do you ever ask him out on a date? Romance him a bit? Guys like it just as much as girls do. We want to feel a little bit of that love from our significant too. Just sayin’.
[Is it that you want him to romance you still? Or more that you want some quality, romantic time with him?
What if you set up the dates? It may not be nearly as romantic, but it seems like it would be much less effort to make the date yourself, tell him when it is, and then enjoy the romance on the date instead of hoping he’ll take it upon himself and then get disappointed when he doesn’t.
I guess, bottom line, your husband doesn’t seem like he’s going to change. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you and doesn’t value the relationship, but focus on the things you can change. You can change how upset you get when stuff like this happens, you can change how you approach the situation, and you can take it upon yourself to set the dates and meet him halfway on the date nights.
[Did your husband ask you out on dates often before you were married? Is this a recent change? My boyfriend doesn’t plan dates, but that’s just how he is. It doesn’t mean that he’s not necessarily romantic – he still likes to cuddle, hold my hand, etc. – he shows it more physically rather than by the planning of activities. It could be that’s just how your husband is as well, and in that case you might have to take charge of planning the dates as the other commenters suggested. However, if your husband used to plan dates all the time and then stopped after you got married, then that’s a different issue, but I’m not sure what else you can do other than planning the dates yourself, or to keep reminding him and tell him how much it means to you.
[Hmm. I think if he’s not naturally romantic, then he could just have a hard time remembering. Or maybe what he considers a date you don’t find ‘datey’ enough. Would it be alright if you started planning dates? You could also alternate dates as well. One date could be for ‘him’, i.e. something he would enjoy, maybe hiking, eating at a good steakhouse, etc and the next he could plan for you. That way all the responsibilities wouldn’t be on him. It’s a little hard to say what the best course of action would be since we don’t have the details on him, like Solstice said.
[I’m going to possibly repeat stuff because I didn’t take the time to read the comments yet… Why does he have to be the one to ask you out on a date? I mean – I get that what you’re really looking for here is for him to be more cognizant of romance in your lives, and the need for some quality get away time with each other. But if you are always expecting HIM to be the one to take the initiative, perhaps he’s a bit resentful of that. As in – he’s expected to do XYZ, and he feels as if he’s being bullied into it. I don’t know, but it’s a thought.
If you start planning these things, and give him essentially no choice, perhaps he will start to realize he enjoys these outings and the time they give you both to enjoy one another’s company. Then he’d likely be more inclined to plan things himself.
The only other thing I can think to suggest is to make more time for yourself, withOUT him. Go out with the girls more, get a manicure, whatever makes you happy… When he sees that you are finding other outlets for happiness that don’t involve him, he may be a bit put out and decide that he needs to jump on board before the ship leaves the dock, so to speak.
[I think this is a situation that’s going to require compromise. If he’s never been the romantic kind of guy, it’s not really going to stick for him. My fiancé constantly tells me that he’s just not going to get “hints” – if I want something, ask for it outright. So if you feel like it’s been awhile since you’ve been on a date, ask your husband. Tell him outright that you’d like him to plan something; and you’ll probably have to tell him every time you want him to. I don’t think a guy who is just not naturally romantic is ever going to become romantic and spontaneous on a regular basis. Work together to make it work!