I’d been out of work for almost a year and a half due to mental health issues until recently. Up until 3 or 4 months ago, our sex life had been fine. The past few months its been so slow/scarce that it was causing issues. I’m sorry, but at MOST 3 times a week just isnt enough (and yes, i know that is more than a lot of people, but this is MY story and my sex drive is through the roof). And in my opinion, it was odd that it was effecting me, the female, more than him. It was to the point that when we crawled into bed (we always sleep together naked unless camping), just feeling him naked next to me would get me so worked up that i couldnt sleep! I would go lay out on the couch and read until i was almost asleep, then crawl back into bed and pass out. Well, February 2nd i started a new job that i love!! Well, in the past 12 days, we’ve had sex 13 times! Im loving it! Our normal (before the slump) was 4 or 5 times a week, sometimes up to 7. And very seldom was it twice a day (unless it was 2 am before sleeping, then 8pm after shower in ‘technically’ the same day). My concern is that its just because of the stress its taken off Babe and my own happiness picking up from being useful again, and it will go back to the awful slump. I would be 100% okay with going back to 5ish times a week. Not saying i wouldnt LOVE to keep it at 8 or more 🙂 I’m okay with more than normal, i’m okay with normal. But i honestly dont know if i can keep going with the slump rate. I would NEVER think about leaving him because our sex life is slow, but it gets SOOO frustrating!!! Any thoughts??
LemonVibe 
[I don’t really see the problem here. Maybe once in a while you only get to have sex 3 times a week. But what happens when you’re working late and he’s exhausted? If it’s a problem for you to go a night or two without having sex, even when there’s a good reason for it, then I can’t help you.
You say it’s “your story” and I get that, but I just don’t see anyone sympathizing with you here. I don’t understand how anything you mentioned is a problem. Even when you were unable to work, you were able to have sex 3-4 times a week. Aside from the fact that the mental health issues become more and more apparent as I read through your message, I really just don’t see a problem.
It may not be my place, but I find myself wondering what mental health issues you have. Have you been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder? Because that’s the first impression that I get. (And yes, I have training in diagnosing mental health issues.) If you’re still seeing a therapist, I’d ask to discuss the possibility that you also have a Sexual Addiction.
I’m not speaking for everyone and I don’t know how old you are, but in general, it is very abnormal for a female between 25-80 to want sex 7 or more times a week for any extended period of time. In your case, constantly. It definitely makes me wonder.
As far as your “problem” goes, I’d say to just have sex when you have sex and be happy with that. If having sex 3-4 times a week is unsatisfying and frustrating, you really should see a therapist about Sexual Addiction.
[I think it’s easy for us to sit here and say “I don’t see a problem here, you’re having sex way more on average than most of us.”
Whatever the frequency, you are afraid that once the lustre of this new job wears off, and life settles into the routine, day by day living that we all do, you will lose some of this upswing in your sex life. Fair enough. The important thing to realize is this: before you got this job, you were in a dark place emotionally. Being out of work for so long, battling mental health issues… it takes a toll on you AND your relationship. While I haven’t been there, I can sympathize with the level of pressure on your shoulders during that time. It’s completely understandable that it would have affected your sex life.
Your concern is, as I see it, a fear of falling back into that slump when things level out in your daily life. I think what you need to tell yourself is that you have overcome these obstacles. It’s a done deal, can’t go back. Regardless of what happens with the new job, or your feelings about being useful, etc. you need to be proud of the fact that you were able to conquer those things. And there is every reason to believe that those days are behind you now. You made huge strides in bettering yourself and your life, and thus your relationship. Keep reminding yourself of this when you start to feel that familiar feeling of fear. When things in your life are going extremely well, it’s completely normal to have that niggling feeling of “well this is too good to be true, something bad is bound to happen.” I think this is part of what you are dealing with. Well stop it. Enjoy these positive changes and don’t overthink or project your future downfall simply because your life is great.
As for frequency, definitely balance this with your boyfriend’s desires. Like Mara said, it’s a compromise in order to reach that perfect level for the both of you. But for now, just live in the moment and have fun with it!! I’m so glad that your life is turning around! I wish you all the best!
[I’m really not seeing the problem here. You were in a slump, now your sex life is exceeding your expectations, and you’re worried because it MIGHT drop off again? Don’t borrow trouble. If it becomes a problem, deal with it then. Until then, enjoy the lack of problem.
[Compromise is required on both ends of a relationship. Is 3x-5x almost too frequent for your SO? If so, then you might have to live with that is the upper bounds of your sexual frequency. It seems unfair to demand something that you know is unreasonable and unusual in terms of the average person. If it really bothers you, maybe have another conversation and revisit the topic. I think it’s just difficult to maintain that rate because…well, real life gets in the way. Although I agree with Eleanor Roosevelt, if everything is fine, don’t worry about it.
[Before the ‘slump’ we were both on an even sex drive of 4-5 times a week. For 3 years. And its not borderline, its bipolar type 1. We both have high sex drives (normally) so, while i know i’m lucky to get as much as i do and same for him, our standard was at least every other night. Its not just me, its him too. Thank LMcCack, I do tend to forget how my downswings (not the depression, just not good) effect everything in my life. I see it in my manic stages, but i rarely see/acknowledge it when i’m just not at my best. And i was at that point before the job. My swings are much better controlled now, but i still wiggle a bit, and i tend to only perceive the hypo manic side. Thanks for shining that light! After talking to him about what he thought of my moods right before the job, he had noticed what i hadnt.
[Pile me in with those above, I don’t really see what the big problem is here.
You had a slump.
For now it’s over and the sex frequency is basically a constant daily.
Problem solved. Don’t fix something that isn’t broken. I’d say the only reason to begin raising concern would be if suddenly excuses are used to deter from sex.
[I must agree with the comments previously made. For now, there is not a problem so take it off the table. Revisit it if you need to in the future. And in the future, if you do need to revisit the issue I must mention that you might want to take your significant other in to account. Maybe his sex drive is low due to stress, or other reasons. I would explore the options of why the sex is becoming scarce as it relates to the relationship, not just as it relates to you. You might uncover some things that could help your relationship grow AND affect your sex life in a positive way.