I’m hoping you all can help me with my situation. It’s a little… awkward, to say the least.
I’ve been with my boyfriend now for about 2 years. When we first got together, we had a really passionate sex life. I know after time, most relationships will see a drop in the frequency of the sex they have. And that’s certainly the case with us, to a point. I mean, we still have sex regularly and it’s still great, etc. But for some reason he stopped going down on me about a year ago. It used to be his favourite thing to do. But for some reason, he just refuses to do it now and I’m kind of afraid to ask why. I wonder if there is something wrong with me. I am very generous myself, and often give him oral stimulation without prompting. Most of the time we are really open with each other, but for some reason it seems really weird and awkward to try and ask him why he stopped doing it. I’ve tried sort of directing him down there while we were in the midst of foreplay but he just resists and starts kissing me and doing other things to distract me. I love this guy, and can see perhaps being in this for the long term. But I’m not sure I want to resign myself to a life without oral, even if that sounds utterly selfish.
Are there things I can do to find out myself? I mean… do I smell or something? How would I know without asking? I’m just so confused and hurt, and obviously this is a really sensitive issue. I’m sorry if this is TMI, I’m just at a loss here and don’t know where to turn. I really don’t want to talk to my friends about this problem. I feel like if I don’t figure it out, I’m going to say something at the wrong time and ruin everything.
Thank you in advance! I look forward to hearing your suggestions.
LemonVibe 
[Not at all selfish. It’s totally fine for you to be wondering what’s up. And the first thing you should do is bring it up with him. Tell him exactly what you told us. “Why have you stopped? It makes me feel like something is wrong with me, but I haven’t noticed a change myself.” You should be able to detect any sort of change down there that would make him steer clear, so if you haven’t, you’re probably fine. Have you been slacking with your shaving regime? Do you shower daily?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years, in the first year, he went down on me every single time we had sex, which was daily, sometimes twice daily (sometimes more!). We still have sex on the regular, but he only goes down on me maybe every other time now. I’ve picked on him about it, and asked what’s up (if you bring it up in a playful way, he’ll be more likely to tell you the truth). He told me that in the beginning,, he was trying to impress me. He was trying to be a good “lover” and please me and keep me content. He said that when we started dating, getting me to orgasm was so awesome, because we were new to each other, etc. So he did it all the time to keep things hot. Now, he insists he still likes doing it, but sometimes he just doesn’t feel like it. Which, I totally get. So I assume your boyfriend had the same mindset. In the beginning, he was trying to please you to keep you around. But now that he has you, he just doesn’t have the energy.
Also, if he used to be so generous and now isn’t at all… maybe you should take a lesson from him and pull back on your generosity. Relationships are about compromise and reciprocation. If you’re going down, he should be, too. I’m not telling you to withhold blowjs to get what you want, but… I kind of am. If you truly don’t feel comfortable asking him flat out, try to cool it on the oral until HE asks what’s up. Then you can say “well you stopped going down on me lately, so it didn’t seem fair.”
[Communicate! If you see this relationship as long term, then get used to communicating. Bring it up in a non-accusing way and hash it out. You won’t know what is going on until you speak with him. I’ve found that even though it is awkward to bring up these things, usually it leads to a better sex life in the long run. So, talk it out….and then take it to bed!
[Obviously, as everyone says, you need to ask. And i agree with Margaret that the best time is after sex, when you are cuddling. And do it after a session when you try to ‘direct’ him to the landing strip. And do so playfully. I would do it along these lines: “You do laundry when i point out the over flowing baskets, you feed the cats when i point out the empty bowls. Would you mind (clever euphemism here: giving your tongue a workout on my ‘treadmill’ / kick starting my engine with your oral dipstick / etc) when i direct you, or do i need to ask?” (We are very teasing and playful after sex, not sure about you and your man). Maybe your shrub hasnt been as well pruned? And if it is a taste thing (women do change tastes over time depending on diet, vitamin intake, age, menstrual cycle), i can suggest, for his benefit AND yours, a menthol cough drop. Babe said he can barely taste me over it (and kissing him after i cant taste me either, sorry if TMI), and the cooling feeling is very sensual and arousing. Be honest, and he will be too. And if you can talk about it with your head pressed against his neck or nuzzled under his chin, you can blush all you want, and i bet he’ll be impressed that you were willing to be so open, and never know you thought you would die of embarrassment inside.
[Eat more pineapple or Skittles. I hear those help.
[I feel like one of the simpler ways to ask it is to say something like, “I’ve noticed you don’t seem to like going down on me anymore?”
Don’t say it when you’re in the heat of the moment, but maybe save it for after a session and you two are laying in bed cuddling or something. That’s usually when I feel most open with my boyfriend.
[You’ll never know if you don’t ask. Unless you develop mind-reading abilities. Which, admittedly, would be awesome.
[Failing that, you could always get a chart. Myself and my ex had a mental tally of orgasms, which would dictate how the love making went.
It also really played to the fact I hate losing and encouraged me to get the highest score.
Although this does assume your boyfriend enjoys videogames as much as me.
[Yeah I think Solstice probably has it right – he’s just lazy. Laaaazy looovah. While I’m not a fan of being manipulative, Erica is probably right that if you withhold some of your generosity in that department, maybe he’ll “get it”. You said you’ve been together about 2 years – I think this is the point in the relationship where you are really feeling comfortable with each other and are not trying to impress anyone, you know?
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day… maybe use that to your advantage. “All I want for V-Day is your ___ on my ___”. 😉
[He’s probably just gotten lazy – that’s my guess. It seems unlikely that your hygiene would’ve suddenly changed, or some other reason to make him not want to do it. And as you said, he was trying to impress you at first so he probably put in extra effort. But you should bring it up with him, in a casual way. Being able to talk about what you want/don’t want in the bedroom is an important part of a relationship, but one of the most tricky ones to navigate talking about.