My boyfriend and I have been off and on for a year. For his birthday and Christmas I’ve bought him awesome gifts (totaling quite a bit of money.) He talked up how much he was going to get me, but he only came through with one gift, maybe $60 to the $600 I spent on him. He also got the two of us some concert tickets so that’s $360, but he kept them–I don’t have them.
Valentine’s Day is coming up and he said he wanted a $200 gift. I’m wondering–should I even buy it if he’s not going to reciprocate the effort of trying to get a good gift? I’m not trying to keep score here, but when it becomes pretty blatant that he’s asking for expensive things but not returning the favor, should I bother?
Edit: He specifically asked for X and Y. I responded by asking for certain things for Christmas too, but he didn’t follow through. One of the things I tracked down was a pair of Air Jordans that he really wanted, but the price was hiked up to $400 ($200 above market price.) But I knew he really wanted them so I got them.
Edit2: The gift he’s asking for for Vday is an electric razor.
LemonVibe 
[Yeah, if you’re boiling a gift down to how much it’s worth that’s not really in the spirit of gift giving, you may as well be giving cash.
A 200 dollar gift may seem a bit much, but is it something he really wants? Something he needs?
Maybe if you explained the what the gifts were we could comment better, since he’s obviously going to come out worse if you only describe the gifts in terms of what they cost.
[I wouldn’t say you’re not trying to keep score. Clearly you’re keeping a tally. However…
The bottom line is, the reason he asked for that $200 present is because you set the bar that high for yourself. You’ve given extravagant gifts in the past, so now he thinks that’s the norm.
Have you asked HIM for a $200 gift? If you have, how did he react? Did he say “yeah sure!” and then just not follow through? or “Babe, I don’t know if I can do that…” ? Maybe there’s a reason he’s not as giving as you are. Maybe he’s low on cash, trying to pay back student loans, or doesn’t work a full time job? Or maybe he’s just a jerk.
He may be getting you less expensive things, but ask yourself. Are they thoughtful? Do they show that he understands you? Was it something you asked for or really wanted or needed? Gifts aren’t all about the cost. They’re about the relationship between the people in the exchange.
My advice is to give what feels right. If you see something you think he’d really love, then get it. It shouldn’t matter how much it costs. That is, as long as he is being equally thoughtful. If he’s just getting you cheap stuff because he feels obligated to get you something… It may be time to tone down on the spending.
[I understand how you feel. My ex and I had a similar situation – I would buy him quite nice presents, and he’d promise me specific gifts and then not come through. It sucks, because you end up feeling like the other person doesn’t value you as much as you value them. The only ways to put an end to it without turning it into a competition are to either set a limit that neither of you can spend above, or when he asks for an expensive gift, tell him that you want to scale back because you’re saving money for something else.
[Who the hell ASKS for a gift, not to mention actually specifying an amount to spend? What an ass.
You say it’s on again, off again… seems like it’s “ON” when it’s in his favor, not yours… I know we only have this tiny piece of information to go on, but I’d venture so far as to say this guy is totally not worth your effort.
[$200 for an electric razor? That’s nuts. Speaking of, will the razor massage his as he shaves them?
Dude seems like someone who’s concerned about status and money and you don’t seem like that. Plus, what does it say that you’re spending all this time to track down specific items for him and he’s not making an effort?
[As said by some of my above fellow advisers you clearly know the monetary output for the both of you. Though you “don’t want to keep score” just face the music and admit that you are.
It’s nothing to be ashamed of really. It happens even in the best of relationships.
What I recommend the two of you do for Valentine’s Day (and any other gift giving holiday you find necessary) is set a spending cap that both of you are comfortable with. This way neither person feels taken advantage. [per Dennis]. Establish if the maximum includes any meals or entertainment otherwise. Either of you can break the maximum if you happen to come across the “perfect” gift; but remember it was your choice to do so and that can’t be held over the other person’s head.
As for the money already spent on gifts…if you ponied up the $600 worth of gifts without his influence then all the poo falls on you. If he did have a say in all of the extravagant goodies you gave him then you need to flat out tell him how you’re feeling.
If you two don’t have this conversation then the blame is directed on the two of you.
Do you have this similar money problem when going out on dates? Keeping track of who paid for what dinner? What movie? What show? It’s going to pile up, eat at you and inevitably end in one major blow-out argument.
[$200 for an effing electric razor??? Give him a gift certificate to Supercuts. They only charge an extra $5 for a shave,. You could buy him 40 of those.
[Yes, you’re wrong. The right way is, “Trying of not to be taken advantage.”
[Wow. $600 is some serious cash to spend on someone you’ve been on and off with for a year. Totally agree with everything said above. Gift giving is about showing someone you care. There doesn’t need to be a price tag on it. Especially a $600 price tag. I could be reading into this incorrectly, but from the last paragraph of your post, it sounds like the reason you are considering giving yet another lavish gift is in the hopes that he will return it with something equally lavish, rather than because you want to get him something. If expensive gifts are that important, I say save yourself the trouble. Make him a card, and buy yourself something ridiculously expensive.
[You are keeping score, despite saying you aren’t. And I guess if I was spending that much money on things, I might keep score too! I think it is ridiculous to be spending that much money on someone you aren’t even sure you will be with by next week. So, why are you spending so much money on this relationship? Can’t he find happiness in a nice poem, or home-made candle light dinner from you? Or are you concerned that if he doesn’t get his $200 razor than he might bail? I think that you should re-evaluate the point of this relationship. What do you love about it and why would you like to continue on in it? And if there is a future, I would try to bring down the monetary importance of it.