Is living at home a dealbreaker when it comes to dating someone? Does it differ by age, gender, situation?
For me, it would be a dealbreaker if a guy was still living at home over the age of 25 and he had a good job and wasn’t acting as a caretaker to a family member. The older you get, the more red flags, in my opinion, if someone is still living at home. I want a guy who is independent, who wants to live on his own, and can take care of himself. If a guy is in school, has a ton of loans, etc., then that might be a different story, but I still feel that by age 29-30, nobody should really be living at home unless there are dire circumstances. As an example, my cousin is 25 and has never had a girlfriend, and I worry that if he lives at home for much longer, girls might not be interested in him. He has a job where he makes more than enough money to move out and get his own place, but he’s content just living with his mom, and his mom also doesn’t want him to leave either, which is a whole other problem.
I know this might not bother other people at all, so I’m curious to hear how others feel about it!
LemonVibe 
[It depends. If you have the money to move out, and you’re mooching off your parents that’s unattractive. If not, then they might just like having their parents close by. But is it okay if it’s a girl? I have two friends who are living with their parents because the cost of living is so expensive in their area.
As for your cousin… I think he’ll be alright. Eventually he’ll want to move out (and if he doesn’t, you probably wouldn’t be able to convince him.)
[I think there are situations where it would be acceptable… but in general, I’d agree that by the time you’re 25 you should be on your own. Now sometimes people fall on hard times and have to move back IN with their parents, and that can be understandable as long as it’s an interim thing.
If, however, you’re 30 and you’ve NEVER lived on your own… I’d pass. I could find a cute college kid to have sex with who actually knows he’s not grown up yet.
[I do think it might be seen as more acceptable for girls, for whatever reason. Also, if someone has the money to move out but wants to have their parents close by, then they can just live close to their parents. I see no issue at all with that obviously, but after awhile if someone has lived at home for years and made no effort to move out, it makes me question how attached they are to their parents, whether they have the knowledge and drive to take care of themselves, etc.
[Unless there are extenuating circumstances, living at home, with no plans of moving out on his own in the near future, would be a dealbreaker for me. Anyone, male or female, can get way too used to being “mom-ed” and expect it in every living situation, which sucks for a partner/roommate/spouse.
[I don’t think living at home is, in itself, always a dealbreaker. A lack of drive and life ambition, which living at home is often a symptom of, can be a pretty valid dealbreaker.
[Parker Vaughn, in the situation you pose, that would be a deal breaker for me. I want someone who wants to live on their own, if they have the means to do so.
Laurel, in your situation I wouldn’t find it necessarily to be a red flag since he was living at home to save up money to move out, and since he had moved out previously and lived with roommates. He wanted to move out and be on his own, and that’s the element I’m looking for. That’s different than someone who is happily storing away their paycheck year after year living with their parents with no plans to move out.
[For the first 10 months of our relationship, my boyfriend lived with his parents and I lived with my mom. (He had just turned 25 at that point.) We were both living at home for financial reasons, but he had previously moved out and lived with roommates. I completely understood his situation and didn’t ever think to consider it a red flag.
While I understand that a lot of people have trouble with the idea of someone living at home–ie that they are lazy/unmotivated/used to being babied–those really aren’t always the case. Living with his parents (to save money) was a huge motivator for my boyfriend to get a position to be earning enough to move out. I also saw it as a positive attribute that he is sensible with his money. I would much rather date a guy who’s living at home for a while than a guy living off of credit cards.
[It really, really depends on the situation. For instance, my BFF’s boyfriend lived with his mom for a long time to help take care of her (she’s got lots of health issues), and even though he bought a house and lives on his own, he’s not far from where she lives. In that instance, I wouldn’t be too bothered by it (my BFF obviously isn’t, since they’ve been dating for 6 years now, I think).
However, if a guy is more than capable of living on his own, being gainfully employed, and just doesn’t do it, that sets off a whole host of red flags for me. My husband has a friend who still lives at home at age 26, only moved away for college, and did have a good-paying job (enough to afford to buy not 1, but 2 Porsches) until the company went under…at any rate, he lives rent-free with his parents, and I don’t know if he can’t seem to either push himself to go anywhere, or his parents are just enablers, or what the deal is, but the situation’s enough to make you shake your head.
[For me, it wouldn’t be the actual living at home that would be a dealbreaker (although it might be a deterrent), but there might be some personality traits/attitudes/flaws that cause him to live at home that would do it for me.
[My thoughts coincide with a lot of those above.
If the person is living at home out of pure lack-of-motivation and ambition in life and goals, then it would generally be a deal breaker.
The one area where more variables would have factor in would be if they were living there but were vary successful and/or were on the way of finishing a particular goal, etc. I suppose some people enjoy the familiarity of their childhood home and being near family.
Say you met a guy who was living with his folks who do not have anything hindering their ability to live on their own. He is very successful and makes a decent amount of money. Though he pays very little in rent and utilities but also helps out around the house to earn his keep. Would that be a deal breaker?
[“Mom! The Meatloaf!!!!” is what immediately comes to mind. (Will Ferrell’s character in Wedding Crashers who lives with his mother)
Relationships are difficult enough without having to contend with someones parents the entire time. In my opinion, unless there is good reason (i.e.- helping a sick parent, living at home during college to save the money) it shows a lack of taking charge of ones life as well as a fear of growing up. I do not want to date a grown man who lives with his parents, nor do I want to date a man who lives with a roommate (I went on a date once with a man who confided in me that he had a roommate, but quickly boasted that he had the master bedroom as though that made a difference).
Sounds to me like you should ditch the mama’s boy and find a boy who is ready to stand on his own two feet. Plus the image of doing the walk of shame in front of his parents would be more than enough to send me running!
[as a 25 year old that is “still” living at home, I’m glad my boyfriend didn’t see it as a red flag. I’ve gone away to school, to travel, etc. but for right now, living at home makes the most sense. I could scrounge together enough to live on my own but being lucky enough to have parents who let me live with them for very cheap has allowed me to save up a nice emergency fund and contribute more to my future. Which, I believe, makes me at least a little bit responsible. Do I have bits of spoiled brat in me? sure. but what youngest child doesn’t?
on the other hand, i have a cousin who is over 40 and has NEVER moved out. never had a girlfriend, still lives in his mom’s attic. THAT, my friends, is a red flag.
[Like everyone else, I believe it totally depends on the situation. It’s a mixture of ambition and desire. My fiance still lives at home- he would have moved out by now, but by the time we decided to get married, it was more financially prudent for him to live at home a few months rather than spend a bunch of money only to move again in a few months. This way, he knocks out some more of his student loan debt and it’s easier on both of us.
[So I was raised kind of old school. I didn’t move out until I got married so that was my situation. However, I would not have dated someone living with their parents unless the reason made sense such as: health reasons, finishing school, their current home under rennovation, etc. I have dated guys who lived with their parents before and it always ended up being weird. I don’t want to get frisky with you while your mom and dad are in the next room!