I’ve been with my partner for about three years now. I still love him as much as I ever have, but we’re definitely past the honeymoon phase. We’re boring. We go out for dinner or a movie or something maybe once a week, but most evenings, we just plop together in front of the tv. And, our sex life is lazy too. How can we get the “spark” back? We can’t afford to go out much more than we already do, or take a whole bunch of trips, etc. Help, I don’t want to be bored in my relationship!
LemonVibe 
[Bring date night to your house. Go out and buy a few cook books. Once a week, try a completely new and different dish. Prep it together, cook it together, have it with a nice bottle of wine, few candles. Bring your dessert over and pop in a movie or watch a favorite show. This varies for every person, but my lady gets so horny when she watches Californication. So, you know, I usually put that on after. It’s why I keep Showtime. Seriously, I complain about my cable bill being high and my mom asks why I don’t drop Showtime. Ah, I can’t mom. And I can’t tell you why.
[Well Anon, congrats on the 3 year mark but thumbs down to the oh-so-boring feeling.
Though the post-honeymoon phase can certainly be expected from any relationship here are a few ideas that my girlfriend and I have come up with to make things more than just work, sleep, sex and TV.
First, I’m sure there isn’t something one of you has to watch every night of the week. Make TV nights only for those shows that you absolutely love. Be picky. Trust me, there isn’t a lot of “great” TV out there anymore.
Second, set aside one night as a game night together. Board games. Cards. Wii. Naked Twister. Heck, even Mad Libs.
If you both are readers pick a night to either stay in a read together, or go to a local coffee shop and read (some coffee shops have games too). If you want to make it a little more active (for a slight second or two) go to a book store and pick out a book for each other; one you think the other will enjoy based on what you know about them. After 3 years I’m sure you two have a pretty good grasp on likes/dislikes.
Volunteer. Free. Helpful. Warm fuzzies for all.
Start saving up for a “fancy” date meaning one where you both get dressed up and looking you best like you did when you first started dating. Go as far as making reservations. Perhaps a dinner theatre? Small road trip to somewhere nearby you both have always wanted to visit.
As for your sex life, has it become somewhat routine? Would it be too forward to ask how often you have sex? One thing that I would like to throw out there. Abstain for sex for a little while. Try to go as long as you both can until one of you passionately grabs the other with an uncontrolable urge. Things will progress from that into a very strong, passionate, almost-animalistic, wild and exhausting jaunt in the sack.
[If you want to step out of a rut, it’s important to do new things together, or separately, so you have some new material to bring back to the table. Maybe you and your partner can take a cooking class together and then try to make some great meals together. I myself, prefer the adrenaline rush. Possibly find a gym with a rock wall and take some rock climbing classes together. The key is to do different things so you are always having something new to laugh about or talk about or enjoy together. Some separate activities are great as well. Maybe you can take up a hobby that occupies a bunch of your time, and he can as well. That way, your time together will be that much more valuable. And you can each tell each other about your new interests!
[As for the TV thing, invest in a DVR, maybe? That way, you can record the stuff you absolutely HAVE to watch, but you don’t necessarily have to watch it live so you can spend time together doing non-TV things too…
Also, maybe use the “boring” stuff you do for inspiration. I mean, if you guys like watching TV, maybe you want to try out some of the things you’re watching: if you watch stuff like Dancing with the Stars, consider taking dance lessons together; if you watch shows about spies and secret agents, have a super-spy date night. You already go out for dinner/a movie, but maybe try changing the situation a little.
And if that doesn’t work, try having weekly nerf gun duels.
[Here’s a video that was featured today on MSN for some low-cost date ideas. The video has a bit to be desired but it makes some valid points here and there:
http://finances.msn.com/save-money/31713207?from=en-us_msnhp
Another thing I thought of (with help of the video) stems off my previous comment about going to a coffee shop to read. A lot of locally owned coffee shops often have open mic nights, acoustic nights and other forms of entertainment from time to time. That’s a good option too.
[The first thing is to stop “plopping together in front of the TV” every night of the week, except for date night. You don’t have to go out and spend money to find that spark again. You could join a gym together and work out, or you could even go for walks in the evening after dinner. There are plenty of “lists” online for cheap or free dates.
However, I think what’s more the issue is the second point about sex. Three years of having sex with the same person isn’t that long, but if you don’t focus on making it exciting, it can get “lazy” (or boring). Often, it’s as simple as treating one another like you did when you were first dating – flirt with each other, constantly touch one another, etc. If you decide to plop on the couch together, lay in a way that you’re sensually touching one another. Send each other sexts during the day and dirty talk outside of the bedroom (and inside of the bedroom later). Instead of watching TV and then being too exhausted at bedtime for sex, have sex when you first get home (another reason to sext during the day – both of you are thinking about it) or after dinner but before watching TV. Based on both of your comfort level, try something new – watch porn together, discuss and act out fantasies, get some new sex toys, etc. Have fun with sex again, like you did when you were first having sex and exploring one another’s bodies.
[Aren’t there cheap outdoor things that you can do, too? Go hiking; go to beach, river, lake, puddle, creek, or any nearby bodies of water; etc. I understand the budget thing, but I think there are plenty of cheap things you can do if you’re motivated enough.
[Hmm. I would say try new things. Maybe if you guys like food search for the best low-cost food joints. Ex. I found the best Chinese dumpling house and it cost about $3.50. Best Vietnamese sandwiches were $2.50. I would go hiking or rock climbing or something active where you guys can be competitive.
I also like Viv’s idea of using the TV you watch for inspiration. All that food network does make me want to BBQ.
But I totally agree with you, I’m at about the same point in my relationship and I’m definitely seeing how easy it is to fall into a “Let’s just watch TV” rut.
[Marriages can get boring after a while. This is normal, but it’s also completely fixable. The excitement in your life doesn’t need to revolve around money to do things. If it was all about money, wouldn’t celebrities and rich people stay married?? They have money to do anything they want, but that’s not the point. Sure, you can have movie night or watch TV, but how is that helping your relationship grow? You need to do something together that requires you to interact. My husband and I hike. And then we go to lunch together. We vent to each other about the week, or we talk about future plans, or we try to have a good laugh. But each week, I feel like I get to know him more and so things stay new. Ask yourself what you fell in love with your hubby. Was he adventurous? Go adventure! Was he intellectual? Have a discussion! I think the sex life will spice up when your two are feeling less boring in your realtionship.
[Go on a safari. I find it impossible to be bored when being mauled by hyenas.
[But on a more serious note, my girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. This is how we avoid boredom: doing things together that we both love.
For example, we both love playing RPG video games, so we sit down and play them together any chance we get. When you find a great story and are able to take the raw emotion it makes you feel and share that with the most important person in your life– that’s something truly beautiful. It’s more to us than just sitting in front of a television, the same way reading is more than staring at a piece of paper.
What I’m suggesting to you is to find something like that. Something you both love. It can only bring you closer.
[This is just a little thing, but this is one thing i found that helps, when i was working later in the evenings than him, and we didnt see much of each other. After work he tends to come home and have a beer. (no drinking problem. its not every night, and its never more than one sun-thursday) So i got some post-it notes, and would write little things on them “Knowing i get to wake up next to you is the best reason for falling asleep at night”, “Thank you for loving me”, etc. Then i would put them inside the case of beer stuck to one, and he may not find it for a few days (i cant guarantee which beer he’ll grab). Sometimes they were more sexual, sometimes funny. The days he found the sexual ones, i could barely get in the door before he had my clothes off. The days he found the touching ones he would pull me into his arms and hug me for a long time. It wasnt too exciting, but actually communicating how much we still love each other, besides the standard “i love you” “i love you too” has really helped keep spark in our relationship. Our fridge is covered in the post-its (minus the sexual ones, family does come to visit you know), and even though i get home before him now, sometimes if he goes to grab something out of the fridge, he sees them, remembers, and it makes him feel special all over again, and he makes me feel special when he acknowledges it. It may not be ‘exciting’, but it keeps the spark going.