I think anyone who has even an ounce of social skills knows that when you first start dating someone, the last thing you want to do is come across as needy. That’s why books like The Rules (for women) and The Game (for men) were such hits. They teach people how to give off a non-needy vibe, because non-neediness is much more attractive.
One such example is to act like you don’t care if they call. Even if you’re secretly waiting by the phone for them to call you back, you obviously don’t want to let them know that. Unfortunately, some people don’t seem to get the subtle nuances of “not caring if they call.” A dead giveaway for me? When they leave a voicemail that ends with something to the effect of, “So, call me back when you get the chance. Or not. That’s fine, too.”
Really? It’s fine if I don’t call you back? I don’t know anyone who’s THAT nonchalant about it. No, if you call me, then you’re expecting me to call you back, right? Why would you not care? Or, more tellingly, why would you need to inform me that you don’t care?
No, explicitly telling me that you don’t care leads me to believe that you really DO care, but are just trying to hide it. You know what they say about actions being louder than words, right? If you really don’t care, if you really are aloof, then you don’t need to say it. Because you… just… don’t… care.
So, if you really want to sound nonchalant, just say, “Call me back when you get the chance.” And that’s it. No excuses, no qualifications. You expect a call. But if you don’t get one… well, you can’t even be bothered to consider that possibility, because you really don’t care.
That, to me, is what truly being “non-needy” is all about.
So, does anyone else have any dead giveaways about someone “caring to much”? Things that people say or do in an effort to come across as nonchalant, but really only reveal their underlying insecurities?
LemonVibe 
[“Yeah we can meet up some time next week. I’m flexible… I can take off from work early if that helps.”
“No, no, whatever YOU want to do is fine. I don’t have any opinions.”
“Soooo… my parents are coming in to town next week. Are you free? I mean, you don’t have to meet them. But it would be cool. But feel free to say no.”
**Actual examples. đ
[I always got a kick out of people who would say, “I’m pretty busy this weekend, but if something falls through maybe we can hang out.” And then every weekend they are calling, but acting non-chalant like you have won some prize and get to hang out with them. Wow, I am so excited that I am second best in your world! Yes!
[The entire thing almost makes me think of passive-aggressive notes that are left around the office, apartment (from roommates) or family members when you “forget” a particular holiday.
The nonchalant action can carry over into the established relationship realm after grounding itself from the beginning of the courtship.
Example:
Guy – “What do you want to do for Valentine’s Day?”
Girl – “I don’t care. But there better be dinner reservations.”
[Message 1: …So, call me back when you get a chance, or not, whatever, it’s cool.
Message 2: Hey, it’s totally cool that you didn’t return my call. No problem. Just ignore this message too.
….
Message 87: FINE! IGNORE ME! SEE IF I CARE! I DON’T NEED YOU ANYWAY!
[So wait.. there’s a book to teach you how to play the game?
If only I’d known all those years ago.