I’ve been dating this guy for almost two years now, and he has left me time and time again. He has told me that I have a mental disorder. I read up on it, and it seems that I could have anxiety, depression, or perhaps even be bipolar.
Last week, he told me that if I don’t get treated for it, then he is ready to leave me for good. I know he has done this many times before, but this time, he really seems serious. It also doesn’t help that I travel a lot for my work.
I have the potential to get a local job, so I can deal with the anxiety issues at home. It would be a small cut in pay, but nothing major, although it’s definitely not a job I’d rather have. I’ve been through a lot with my boyfriend and want to keep our relationship afloat. I have taken the steps to get in touch with a physician and am waiting for a call back so I can start treatment.
In the mean time, I’m just not sure if I’d be giving up too much for my boyfriend. Could someone please give me some advice on what I should do to deal with this?
LemonVibe 
[How lucky you are to have a licensed psychiatrist for a boyfriend, who’s able to freely diagnose disorders in the people he comes across!
But seriously, your boyfriend is in no position to tell you that you have a mental disorder. It’s true you may have issues and flaws you need to work out, but diagnosing you himself is going a little too far. Has he left you “time and time again” because of these issues of yours or has he left you time and time again because of an issue of his.
It’s good that you acknowledge you have aspects you need to work on, and it does seem like you would really benefit from getting your anxiety under control and seeking some help. However, you should do this for yourself, not for your boyfriend.
[To me, the issue isn’t the fact that you’re considering leaving a better job for your boyfriend, or even that you’re seeking help. The first is often a necessary sacrifice in a relationship, and the second is, well, for your own mental health.
No, the issue I’m seeing here is the fact that your boyfriend has left you “time and time again” over the past two years. That doesn’t sound like the actions of someone who truly wants to be with you, you know? I mean, if he’s so willing to leave you as soon as some issue arises, is he the kind of guy you see yourself ending up with for long-term?
[So, this man threatens to leave you repeatedly, diagnoses you with a serious mental disorder, and convinces you that you need to take a job you seriously dislike.
My advice: 1. Get rid of the guy. 2. Go see a therapist. 3. After talking to a therapist, and getting a REAL opinion, figure out the travel / work situation.
Seriously, he’s manipulating you, which is probably why you think you have a mental disorder.
[
My ex-husband pulled crap like this with me a lot…and it was amazing how many of my symptoms went away when I left him!
In all seriousness, though, whatever issues you may have pale in comparison to your boyfriend’s. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18. My ex used to exploit that and find ways to put me down with it. My husband now is extremely supportive, and would never in a million years dream of trying to belittle me, or make threats to leave me, or anything of the sort. The biggest difference between my husband and my ex? My ex was insecure, manipulative, and had a bad temper…all things my husband is NOT. My ex was hands-down my biggest trigger of symptoms, and once I left him, it was like a crushing fog had lifted, and I could actually see how things really were for the first time in years.
Have you asked him WHY he’ll leave you if you don’t get help? Why is HE playing the concerned card? What bothers me is the mixed signals he’s giving you: on one hand, he’s saying he’s concerned for your welfare and wants to see you get better, but at the same time he’s saying you’re not good enough to warrant his real support. In a healthy, functioning relationship, people don’t leave their partners (especially multiple times) unless things have escalated to a point of no return. And if he’s not a licensed psychiatrist or other mental health professional, he is in no way qualified to tell you what to do about whatever issues you may have. Stop and think about everything he’s saying vs. everything he’s doing. If they aren’t matching up, ask yourself why, and if you might do better to step away from the relationship to gain the clarity you need to move forward. Ultimately, what you decide to do for yourself is the most important thing here.
[Just to play devil’s advocate…is he actually telling you you have a mental disorder, or is he saying you are showing signs of XYZ and need to go see a doctor/therapist to get some help in understanding what might be wrong? It’s hard to say without hearing both sides, but do YOU know why he’s saying these things to you?
[Without knowing more about your relationship and why your boyfriend has left you “time and time again”, it’s difficult to know what level of “asshole-ibility” to assign to him. Regardless, your first responsibility needs to be to yourself, so if you are suffering from any of those issues – or even another one – it’s important for you to get professional help. In the meantime, I wouldn’t make any major life changes – like a new job – until you’ve done that and figured out what are the underlying issues (if there are any). If your boyfriend is a good guy, and if he does care about you, he’ll not leave you yet another “time again” while you’re doing that.