Of resolving hurt feelings in a relationship? What do you do to get your partner to understand how you are upset? How do you try to make your partner feel better when you hurt their feelings?
Of resolving hurt feelings in a relationship? What do you do to get your partner to understand how you are upset? How do you try to make your partner feel better when you hurt their feelings?
LemonVibe 
[I think the best way to go (though it’s not always easy) is to make statements where you describe how you feel, rather than accusing them of doing or saying hurtful things. It may seem like almost the same thing, but the difference there is that someone else can’t argue with how you feel. They can, however, argue with accusations you levy against them.
So, instead of saying, “How could you be so insensitive as to forget our anniversary?!?” you say, “I was kind of upset when you forgot our anniversary. Or, maybe you didn’t, but it certainly seemed to me like you did.”
Basically, instead of attacking them and making them want to defend themselves (which is always a person’s first instinct when they feel attacked), you explain how you are feeling. And if what you are feeling matters to them, then they’ll want to work it out with you.
[Hmmm… I commented on this one already, it must have gotten lost in the black hole!
[If it’s something that I think would actually benefit from being talked about, I’ll try and sit down and talk about it. Depending on what it is, I may be satisfied with just “throwing it out there” that my feelings were hurt. If it’s something that I think I’m being petty about, I kind of just need to remove myself for a few minutes and get over it.
Or I just cry. Depends on the day.
[I think if they didn’t intend to hurt your feelings, acknowledge that. But still be firm when saying, “This action hurt my feelings.”
[Not to be dismissive of hurt feelings, but I think the first thing is to determine if your feelings were hurt because of something your partner did wrong, or just because you were feeling overly sensitive. If it’s the former, communicate with your partner about what they did and how it made you feel, but don’t belabor the point.
If you hurt your partner’s feeling by doing something wrong, then an apology should be made.
[In terms of making it up to people I’ve upset, the best way I’ve found is to make them a hot drink. Tea heals all wounds, except for the burns sustained while making the tea.
[It’s a bit of a value judgment. You need to decide if whatever you’re hurt about is worth bringing up. Example: A one time mistake that they acknowledged at the time “Sorry, I drank all the milk!” does not need to be rehashed because it isn’t productive.
Always take a moment to assume that your partner likely isn’t being malicious, and is making genuine mistakes. Addressing problems should come from a place of wanting to grant forgiveness, not seek validation or retribution.
However, if the issue could lead to a productive change, then absolutely go for it. Frame the conversation ahead of time, citing your own feelings “I felt like I wasn’t appreciated yesterday when you used all the milk.” Be prepared with a specific example or examples and what you think could be done in the future to keep it from coming up again. Also, open the floor for them: “I know I’ve expressed some things that are bothering me, is there anything I can be doing better?” to make a two-way discussion. Make it a productive, worthwhile conversationt that has real benchmarks and measures of success and not just a litany of perceived wrong-doings.
[Write out your feelings first. Then look to see if you can understand where your partner is coming from. If you can’t ask them, but only that (and try as best you can not to go into more detail). When you’re ready to have a non-emotional, productive conversation, armed with all this information about yourself and your partner, non-accusatory and non-inflammatory, go for it!