Tag: jealousy

“I took Xanax and kissed my cousin’s friend”

1 Comment

I recently tried Xanax. I don’t really remember what happened but I remember kissing my older cousin’s friend. My best friend was there (who’s taken a Xanax before) and is being really distant now. She’s disappointed in me because she liked the guy I kissed, and because I took two Xanax.

I didn’t know she liked the guy. When she tried Xanax I was the only one who wasn’t mad at her and was there for her. I’ve tried talking to her to make her understand, and it’s sort of better, but she thinks this is going to mess up our relationship. What can I say to reassure her it won’t?

“My boyfriend keeps checking out other girls”

4 Comments

My boyfriend is a great boyfriend in every way except one (or it could be that it’s my problem, which is why I’m interested in other opinions).

So I feel he loves me and tells me nice things and I’m not insecure about how I look, it’s just sometimes when we are out together I notice him looking over my shoulder to watch someone else. I find it quite rude. I make a point about it and he will feel embarrassed. Usually in the moment he will say things like no I wasn’t checking her out I recognise her…or something else. The point is it makes me snap out of happy mood and jump into defense.

It happened last night while we were with friends drinking….but this time instead of explaining in a nice way he kind of just pushed it under the rug. I realised as we were both drinking with friends to just drop it but then the next day I tried to address it in a calm and non-drunk way that I don’t like it and find it disrespectful and he went nuts.

Continue reading →

“Insecurity…”

1 Comment

Hi, I need your help and advice, please.

I have been seeing this girl for about 5 months now, and I think I’m in love with her. The problem, however, is her ex-boyfriend keeps calling and chatting her.

I have discussed how uncomfortable I am with that, but she claims there is nothing going on between them. Recently, she has been saving this guy’s profile pictures on her phone, and even had him as her bbm display once.

Continue reading →

“Untrusted Still”

10 Comments

I’m really tired of not being able to talk to my SO about what’s bothering me in our relationship.

I’m not trusted. Despite being told that I am, I’m constantly under suspicion of doing something wrong. It’s evident by my SO looking thru my emails and stuff, facebook, and facebook searching my exes to see if there’s some connection still. I volunteer the phone and password and stuff because I’ve done nothing wrong. It hurts every time and makes me uneasy

I didn’t do anything inappropriate with my ex, I haven’t been in the same room as this person in over ten years. After my grandfather died, they expressed their condolences and asked to meet up for a cup of coffee and catch up next time they were in town. This set my SO off so much that I had to remove this other person from my fb altogether. There is no other contact with them. All of this was two years ago.

Two years later I still get accused of being out suspiciously late, get my stuff checked and have seen my SO searching/spying on my ex.

I’m not sure how clear this is, but I don’t really care that much about the ex, it’s more the actions of my SO. It hurts and the couple of times I’ve brought it up it makes it look like I’m pining for an old lover.

Is there a way to talk about it without it having anything to do with the ex at all? Do I just accept that this is the way it’ll be?

Who the hell do I talk to about this and please don’t say counseling, ive not the time nor money.

“New and in Need of Advice”

3 Comments

I just moved to a new city. I wasn’t going to get into a relationship right away as I’m focused on my career. However, I fell for someone and we have been dating for the last couple of months.

He’s great and I love him dearly. And we get along so well. I’m not the type who gets jealous easily, but something recently has been bothering me and I plan to speak up.

Since the day we met, I have noticed the other girl in his life (one of his closest friends). She’s someone he went to to speak to when he wasn’t sure about me. And she’s someone he shares a life with. I have suspicions that something has happened between them or was about to but there is chemistry for sure. Recently we were on a trip and he was messaging her to join us. Giggling to his phone and talking about how she’s such a crazy (fun) girl and how he has seen more than I care to share. This has set my mind on a self destructive path and I have been distant since then. I will speak to him about how it made me feel. But I also am looking for some advice. Thanks

Girlfriend advice

1 Comment

Friend is hitting on my girlfriend, but hes a good friend of her, she says that he understands now that shes dating but im still worried, she wont even tell me his name because shes scared ill confront her and ruin her relationship with him… help?

Belated thinking of ex/am I just jealous and selfish?

2 Comments

Hello all,

So, about a year ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years as he was not helpful and in fact very self involved after my brother died. For a couple of months after he would message me sporadically to which I would either not reply or be off with him (in my eyes this ‘offness’ was warranted as the messages were very self-involved and about how HE was, when I was dealing with my brothers death). Anyway, he finally got the hint and stopped messaging.

However, for the past couple of months I’ve really missed him and can’t stop thinking about him. Things constantly remind me of things we did/liked/said etc. I’m not naïve and I have realised that this more or less began when he seemed to start seeing someone else. I know I am probably just jealous and just want him to want me instead of her but I am confused and scared that soon I will message him or something, especially if I drink. I cracked a couple of months ago and messaged him with some photos I had of him after getting a roll of film developed. He replied that he didn’t really know what to say and that he wasn’t ready to be friends just yet. I thought that this would placate me (not ready to be friends yet = not over me yet, right?!) but I’m now doubting that reasoning and thinking about it more.

I should probably point out that I currently have a boyfriend who I started seeing a couple of months after breaking up with the ex. I know I sound really jealous, selfish and horrible (and I’m sorry this is so long and rambly) but I think I just wanted to get this out and see what other people say. There is probably a lot more to this but I just can’t think how to put it down in writing. Thanks.

Messy relationship and break up, please help

2 Comments

I’m an 18 year old girl and need advice. Everyone loves N. He messages loads of girls and just knows how to appear really lovely and caring. N spoke to me and flirted (I know this was wrong of me too) with me while still in a relationship with his ex. After she dumped him for being clingy he asked me out two weeks later, I was 16 at the time. We went out for a few months but I dumped him because he got way too intense too fast (saying he loved me and that I was ‘the one’ after only a month – which his ex later said he did to her as well). During my time with him he constantly spoke of what a horrible ‘bitch’ his ex was, he literally hated her.

Literally 4 days after I dumped him, he made out with this girl from his college who had apparently been going round his house every day for lunch. He admitted it to me though after I found out through another friend. They started a relationship soon after, it lasted 3 months then when it ended he again told me how horrible and awful she was. He has convinced himself that all his exes are horrible people who took advantage of his ‘kind’ nature, when in reality he is incredibly manipulative, controlling and clingy.

After dumping her, naive and lonely me went back to him and believed him when he said he always had more feelings for me. During this time, he was also talking to another girl who he decided he also had feelings for, but he quickly came back to me.

After a few months of this, I found out that he was emigrating to New Zealand with his family in just a few months but I stupidly agreed to get back into a relationship with him and make it work long distance. Right after he moved, I found out from a friend at college that he had also been messaging A – his ‘best friend’ constantly, and meeting up with her too, which I totally understand as he was moving across the world. However, this was all behind my back and he also swapped bracelets with her as a ‘friendship’ token, while she would constantly cry about him leaving. Fair enough, if they really were ‘just friends’.

A would constantly message him over facebook, every day. N would obviously flirt with her, though he claimed not to mean to, and basically every message had a wink etc and A obviously had feelings for him. I told N that I was worried and asked if he would message A less, and he promised me he would.

However, at the same time as claiming to message her less, he was demanding to know which boys I was speaking to. One of my friends, P, who I rarely messaged asked me out one day, and N found out about this and blamed me, and has used it against me ever since for ‘encouraging’ P, even though our conversations were always 100% platonic. N demanded screenshots of my messages to check that I wasn’t talking to P, but one day I sent 3 messages to P, then deleted them, but N found out with the screenshot, failing to reveal that he was still talking to A every single day and actually being very hypocritical.

At some point, something snapped in me. I was pretty normal before, but then I just felt insanely jealous of A all the time, he would flirt with her all the time and message her and hide it from me. I got controlling, I asked N to only message her ‘a few times a week’ as opposed to every single day, and he said he would but again lied, and I just felt totally uncared about and got really mad and angry at him.

He argued back, but carried on speaking to all his friends and twisted everything to make me seem like the horrible one. He told A I was basically crazy, and angry about them talking, and scared him. He made everything seem like my fault, he turned my friends against me (one of my close friends is also close friends with A), and I was constantly trying to talk to him and make the relationship work and I pushed my friends away.

Anyway, after just over a year of being in a long distance relationship, we were arguing all day every day about various things – who I was talking to, how much he was talking to A etc. Because of his controllingness I literally lost all of my male friends, while he kept messaging about 10 girls and I didn’t bat an eyelid.

I know it’s crazy, but I didn’t want to break up with him party due to the fear that he would just replace me with A and I could not let that happen. As I share a lesson with A, I always look over and see her messaging him every single lesson, and she makes every effort to make sure I can see this and the flirty nature of their messages.

We eventually broke up a few months ago, and I did something after which he rightfully continues to hold against me. About a month after breaking up, I got with two different boys in the same fortnight basically due to the pain and bitterness of him replacing me so easily in the past. He found out through his sister who I am good friends with, and clearly loves me because he was absolutely destroyed and told A and my best friend what a ‘slag’ I am.

For some reason we started talking again a few weeks later, he told me he misses me etc and he still loves me. So for the past two months, I have been messaging him every day. He told me he loved me every day. But today, before he was going to sleep, he admitted that he is ‘confused’. That he ‘fancies’ A and loves her, and apparently fell out of love with me. I just asked him questions about it calmy but he attacked me by claiming it’s my fault because of the time a year go when P asked me out and also because of the post break up events, which understandably upset him a lot.

I know I’m fickle, I don’t understand why I kept going back to him but I just need an objective view of the situation, I tried to stay as unbiased as possible. Sorry for the long post.