“New and in Need of Advice”

I just moved to a new city. I wasn’t going to get into a relationship right away as I’m focused on my career. However, I fell for someone and we have been dating for the last couple of months.

He’s great and I love him dearly. And we get along so well. I’m not the type who gets jealous easily, but something recently has been bothering me and I plan to speak up.

Since the day we met, I have noticed the other girl in his life (one of his closest friends). She’s someone he went to to speak to when he wasn’t sure about me. And she’s someone he shares a life with. I have suspicions that something has happened between them or was about to but there is chemistry for sure. Recently we were on a trip and he was messaging her to join us. Giggling to his phone and talking about how she’s such a crazy (fun) girl and how he has seen more than I care to share. This has set my mind on a self destructive path and I have been distant since then. I will speak to him about how it made me feel. But I also am looking for some advice. Thanks

3 thoughts on ““New and in Need of Advice”

  1. Paynoattentiontothegirlbehindthecurtain says:

    Well there is one of three possibilities here, the only real way to get to the bottom of it would be to talk to him about it. But if they do share a lot of chemistry and closeness as you say then chances are there could be an unrequited love thing going on there. Either he had affection for her at one time and she didnt see him as more than a friend OR she loves him and he doesnt feel the same about her. Ive been that friend before.

    The third wheel permanent fixture in a guys life while he dates other women. In my case it was a rather toxic friendship but for others that kind of thing can work out. The third possibility is they are just close friends who have known eachother a really long time (to the point where a friend is more like a cousin)

    But if their closeness is making you uneasy you should really just try to have an open conversation with him about it. Let him know youre concerned without being too accusatory or he will get defensive.

  2. SC says:

    Hello 🙂 If it bothered you to know he had such a close friend I totally agree you should talk to him and explain how you felt (maybe make sure he knows you trust him and his feelings but it just left you feeling a little “put aside”, if that’s the case).

    I have a friend that works like that for me: we never had anything besides a friendship (we did crush on each other in different moments but nothing ever happened) and now we both have partners and we’re very happy, it doesn’t affect us, his gf or my bf.

    Having this kind of friend doesn’t need to be a bad thing, as long as his actions don’t cross any lines. Just make sure he knows how you feel without making him feel like you don’t trust him!

  3. JustMe89 says:

    I agree with the above and definitely think you need to talk to him about it and explain how it makes you feel. Try to do it in a way that isn’t accusing or judging, you don’t want it turning into an argument. Try the whole, I trust and love you but… There’s probably nothing to worry about so try to keep an open mind when you talk to him 🙂

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