“How do I get my ex to leave me alone?”

Hi there, I’d like a little advice about trouble I’m having with an ex. To start, I want to say I’ve been happily married for a few years. I’m turning to you because I have an ex who continues to pop up in my life randomly.

When we were together, she broke up with me because she said her mental illness didn’t allow her to keep an interest in any one parter for more than a year. It was the first time my heart was really broken, and it took me some time to recover. I had thought at the time this was the person I would marry.

We went to the same college just months after the break up, and while I tried to keep my distance, she wouldn’t leave my alone. In fact, it developed into stalking behavior and it made me feel really unsafe. She would manipulate other students to get me either in person or on the phone for her to then harass. It was really messed up and made it hard to heal. My therapist would later go on to diagnose me with PTSD.

After I met my current spouse, I’d receive a new Facebook friend request from my ex about every few months. I made it clear I didn’t want to be friends, that I’d be deleting her request, and that it makes my spouse uncomfortable that she keeps reaching out to me.

I received a new request a couple days ago, and while it brought back lots of anxious feelings, I haven’t touched it yet. My impulse is to simply delete it, but me deleting it won’t put a stop to it, and I’d like this to stop for good. If I just delete it, I know another will come soon after, along with those triggering thoughts and feelings. I don’t know how to get this to stop for good, and at this point I turn to you for help. Any help to get my ex to leave me alone?

3 thoughts on ““How do I get my ex to leave me alone?”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Start keeping a diary of each time she reaches out, but don’t keep it in line of sight. You will have evidence in case she reaches out again. Make sure that you have all your settings set to private and photos to where only people who are your friends can see them. Report the invitations to Facebook when you decline to someone you don’t know.

    Alternately you can just remove yourself from Facebook, so she doesn’t have the chance to reach out.

  2. Leo says:

    I’m pretty sure you can block her. I had to do the same thing once with a girl I was really into /she into me, but she was in a serious relationship (that had gotten abusive) either way we were head over heels for each other but, I respected her relationship. I was single but I didn’t want that for her, even though I wanted her for myself. She messaged me and told me she couldn’t stop thinking about me as she could see me on Facebook whenever her mind wandered. So she blocked me. Couldn’t find her for years. Worked well.

  3. Birdy says:

    As for facebook: check the others advises. They are good. As for real life impact: a diary is a good idea. It helps you and your spouse gain perspective on the situation. It is also great evidence.
    Does she bother you on other mediums as well, like phone or email? Can it be so simple as to start a new facebook account under a fake name and another emailadres? If not, keep blocking and raporting her. As an extreme measurement you can try a face to face meeting at a neutral location to make clear for once and for all that you want to contact. Bring cameras and multiple friends obviously.

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