He changed his mind overnight. I didn’t see it coming. Now I have to see him every day.
There’s a lot of pain. Anyone have any advice?
He changed his mind overnight. I didn’t see it coming. Now I have to see him every day.
There’s a lot of pain. Anyone have any advice?
LemonVibe 
[Ooof. First off, I’m so sorry. This is the type of thing that is just so hard to deal with and I completely empathize with you.
Ok, now to your question. How big of a company do you work for? How closely do you work with your former boyfriend? Are there any ways to minimize contact with him? Because, ultimately, the fastest way to get over someone (and the easiest way to reduce pain during the breakup) is to not see or talk to them for a while, so the best thing you can do for yourself right now is to avoid him as much as possible.
The next thing you should do is make sure you have lots of friends to talk to and go out with, so that your social life is active and you aren’t sitting around at home by yourself all the time. Go shopping, treat yourself, work out so you feel good about yourself, and don’t you dare show a teary face at work (shut the door if you have to ;)).
Finally, there’s just time to heal all wounds. Again, I’m really sorry this happened to you.
[A guy I worked with broke up with me, but I made the mistake of still hooking up with him on occasion. He broke my heart a second time when he started dating a good friend of mine (another coworker). Luckily they work across the hall, but I do have to interact with them from time to time.
Play music. Playing angry music helped me. Try to minimize interaction with him as much as you can. Try to avoid eye contact, etc. It will take time, but eventually your feelings will go away. Although I still do feel some anger when I see either one of them because they hurt me so badly. Good luck! I’m really sorry you’re going through this.
[Break ups suck. Embracing that fact was always something that made getting through them a little easier.
And everyone has their own approach for break ups. I’m one of those people who just kind of need to wallow in self pity for a few days as I mope around the house and cry at cheesy movies. So for me, it helped that I could mope around the house and blubber while watching romantic movies. If I couldn’t bring myself to cry but knew that it would help me, I’d watch sad movies specifically for this reason. But instead of crying about how I was now single and the characters in the movies were finding romance, I’d slowly realize that that was the kind of romance I wanted, and it was absent in the relationship that just ended. So the movies served as the transition from grieving period to looking forward. It really helped me to get hopeful about my romantic future, and the options that were open to me at the time.
Like, literally, any type of romantic story was open to me. Was I going to meet some hot guy at the grocery store, and we’d build a slow and steady relationship with a great foundation? Was I going to travel to Scotland and meet some hot Scot with a sexy accent and we’d have an intense, passionate fling? Everyone was a prospect, and the only door that was shut to me was the one I had just closed myself.
So my advice is to take your time to wallow, because you’ve earned it. But then slowly try to put a more positive spin on your outlook and realize that, however much it sucks, it’s for the best and you can do anything (or anyone) you want to now when it comes to your romantic future.
[I completely agree with Margaret Charles’ advice, but sometimes, when I’m feeling particularly crappy about something, I find that the best way to get through it is to fake it til you make it. It’s good to wallow and acknowledge the negative feelings for a bit, but at least for me, there’s no way for me to get out of the slump until I realize that this isn’t the end of the world, I’m awesome, and better things are around the corner. I know lying to yourself generally isn’t a good idea, but even if things look really bleak, if I just tell myself, “things are okay, I’m f**king fantastic, life goes on, goddammit!”, eventually the hurt goes away, or at least is controllable.
[I think it is safe to say, we all have felt the pain of a break-up. The unique part of this is that you are forced to see him every day, so it ends up being very difficult to heal those wounds. They just resurface every day. And then to see him there, all happy and joking….maddening, I am sure! Could you plan a long weekend? Maybe take a Friday and Monday off so you can have a good 4 days to try and process this all? You know, Friday you could watch Titanic and cry your eyes out, Saturday you could have brunch with friends, go out Saturday and get all gorgeous and then chill Sunday and Monday. Just an idea! When I have gone through break ups I know I need some time to mourn, some time to sleep, some time to eat, time to write, time to talk it out, and time to accept that this is my new life, minus him.
[Definitely a time for fake it till you make it. Don’t show him how this is affecting you – I know it’s hard, but if you let him see you all mopey then all it does is put an obstacle in your way to moving on.
If you have any vacation time, I’d honestly take a day to stay home and wallow. Or, even better – take off on a Friday and go somewhere fun for the weekend.
[Ouch. So sorry to hear you’re dealing with this. Whenever I have gone through a break up (and I was not the breaker-upper), and I’ve felt like I’m stuck in a situation that I have no control over, I try to find little things I can do to help myself feel empowered. Digitally deleting my ex from my phone, Facebook, etc. is usually a good start. Throwing away his toothbrush and sending anything I’ve received from him to goodwill (even if I really don’t want to) has always helped me feel like I’m back in control of my situation.
[Oh gosh. I know how you feel. You know that someday it won’t hurt anymore but right now it feels like you’ll never be happy again. You want to be able to think about something else, get some relief by moving the sadness to the back of your mind for just a little while but there he is at work everyday pushing it to the fore front.
Is it possible for you to take a vacation right now? Taking a week away from seeing him everyday and a little change of scenery might help.
[Sorry you’re going through this. There really isn’t anything that I have to add, since the others stated it so well. For what it’s worth, I do like Happy Pants’s idea to fake it. Sometimes, the best power we can muster over someone is to show them that they don’t have power over us (even if, deep down inside, they really kinda do).
Hang in there, and feel free to come back here and vent if you need, or give us an update if you want.
Unrelated tangent: Would it be “Happy Pants’s idea” or “Happy Pants’ idea”? Technically, “Happy Pants” is a proper noun in this case, so I’m thinking it’d be the former….
[I’m so sorry. The good news is that IT GETS BETTER (to steal a line from Dan Savage’s awesome project). It’s so hard to accept that someone you love doesn’t feel the same way and doesn’t want you back. What worked for me in getting over a guy was to remind myself that I deserved someone who loved me back.
Hang in there, looks like a lot of people are rooting for you 🙂
[That’s rough and it sucks that it happened. On the bright side, it sounds like you totally dodged a bullet. I don’t know how long you were with this guy, but he really does sound like quite a spectacular asshole. Be glad you no longer have to endure him soaking up any more of your life. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be hurt by this, and only time will really make you feel better, but please (for PKP’s sake) don’t waste another thought on someone who never thought of you.
I know working with him will make this difficult. It would be amazing if you didn’t feel the need to shy away, while he laughs and carries on. He sounds like the type that would be glad you’d turned invisible. Don’t give him the satisfaction, if you can. Then again, don’t put too much effort into not giving him the satisfaction. He’s not worth the effort. Forget him.
[Dedicate every work day to making sure he knows that he made the biggest mistake of his life… without saying a word to him or even looking at him! Make him look at YOU by being the most outstanding person in the room (professionally speaking, of course). Play it right and you might end up being his boss soon… then the fun can really begin!
[Heart break sucks. Imagining your callous ex with his head on fire makes things way easier. And while a tub of Ben and Jerrys is tempting, the best revenge is taking all I your pain and frustration to the gym, get your hair did and look fabulous. When he comes sniffing back around, you can be the one to say YOU’RE not interested!!