…yesterday and he was way shorter than I was. I feel kind of meh about it and it makes me feel like a really shallow person! He seemed like a nice and funny guy. I’m trying to determine whether it was really his height or I’m just not feeling it in general, but I’m feeling like an absolute fake to accept more dates. Thoughts?
ETA: More info: He seemed like a nice enough guy. I guess I feel just lukewarm enough about it, and the height might just be a tipping point. I admit it’s somewhat shallow, but I’m pretty short to begin with (5’4″). He was funny, a little loud, nice to the servers. He seemed to talk a lot about himself but that could just be first date jitters and not knowing what to say. I don’t know. I feel like a lot of my friends feel similarly (this isn’t influencing my decision, though, I’ve always been inclined towards taller) but I also feel kind of bad about having that preference. I also weigh a fair amount more than he does ( he’s a bit on the thin side).
LemonVibe 
[Everyone has their own [i]physical[/i] requirements, even if they’re willing to attempt to look past them. I’d rather not have a girl that weighs twice as much as I do (Though that would put her close to 450, so unless she’s also taller than I, which is unlikely, is probably unhealthy to begin with). Physicality shouldn’t be discounted when you’re looking for a match.
That said, you’d be surprised how often our “requirements” get stood on their heads. I’ve known friends that said they’d only date younger women wind up marrying someone 5 years their senior, as an example.
The bottom line is: no, you’re not shallow for thinking that way. We all do to some extent. Just don’t let it cloud your judgement so much that you possibly miss out on something worthwhile.
Perhaps you’re just not feeling it (which is entirely fine in it’s own right), but is one date (based off the info given) really enough for you to know another person enough to make that call?
[Well, you need to be honest with yourself here and evaluate whether or not his height is 100% the reason you are feeling this way. If that’s the case, I’d give him at least one more date in an effort to get to know him to the point where his height isn’t factoring into your decision because, to be honest, that does seem a little bit shallow.
However, it is also possible that you just didn’t like him that much and the height is the excuse you’re giving yourself since he didn’t really do anything wrong.
So either the height is the reason (and not a good one), or it’s a sign of something deeper. I’m sorry for how vague that is, but without more info on your end, that’s really the best I can do.
[I wouldn’t stress about it too much. If you’re not feeling it, it could be completely unrelated to his height, that may just be the most concrete attribute that you can pinpoint. You can’t force attraction.
If it helps any, I’m about 5’9″ and dated a guy that was about my height and one that was a little shorter. I’m not a lanky tall girl, but am very hippy and busty. Basically, when I was with guys that were more “petite” than I was (especially in height), it was very hard for me to feel dainty and feminine. Not that I wasn’t attracted to them, but it was more of a hang up that I had, probably because I was somewhat insecure about my own height and size. Do you think this might be a contributing factor as well?
[I have tended to date shorter guys, but I am also 5’4 and have drawn the line at guys shorter than me before.
But, honestly, it really comes down to personality, and it sounds to me like you’re just not feeling it. No harm, no foul, perhaps his height plays into a little, but there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t hear you saying “He’s not 6 ft. tall and so therefore I could NEVER date him.” Sounds to me like if you met a guy you really clicked with, his height wouldn’t matter to you.
[This blurb could have been written by me last week! My OK Cupid match was allegedly 5’9″. I’m 5’6″ and he was shorter than me – far short of 5’9″! But eh, height, or lack of it, doesn’t bother me. My shallow take from the date was that I just didn’t find him that attractive. I couldn’t see myself ever wanted to jump his bones. But he was such a nice guy and we had a lot in common re politics, religion, work, family, etc. (Yes, we managed to cover all of that!) …. We are going on Date No. 2 on Friday. I’m hoping sparks fly. If they don’t, I won’t continue dating him. So blurb-writer, if you’re feeling this conflicted about liking his personality but not sure you could like his height, maybe give him one more try. If you still don’t feel “it,” then move on….
[Oh my god… you’re 5’4″ and he’s WAY shorter than you. That’s adorable in my head.
If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it. No matter what the reason, don’t waste your time or his by going out again. Wait for someone who makes you feel all squirmy inside… and who wasn’t an extra in a Willy Wonka movie. That was mean… but I’m going to leave it.
I dated a guy that was smaller than me once, and I’m 5’9″ and 125 lbs… that’s pretty damn hard to do! The attraction was never really there… and I spent a lot of time trying to make it work, when I should have moved on to someone whom I was both emotionally and physically attracted to.
[Good luck with the next round.
That said, it really does sound like you’re not into this guy and you’re focusing on his height as a reason. You say he’s a nice guy, etc. and therefore it can make it difficult to figure out why you’re not really attracted to him. If he really was your match romantically, his height wouldn’t matter to you.
[I’m 5’4″ also and if a guy was way shorter than me, I don’t know if I could look past it, unless he was everything I ever wanted in a guy. I’ve dated a guy who was about the same height was me, but once you get shorter and especially way shorter, I don’t think I could do it. It may be shallow, but as Margaret Charles said, I like my guys to be taller and bigger than me, it’s probably the whole wanting to feel protected thing. But if you had a good time, there’s nothing wrong with giving him one more chance. If it still really bothers you, then move on.
[I have always dated guys who were older than I, over 6 foot and weighed more than I do. The man I married is 5’7″, 3 years younger, and at the time was 10 pounds lighter than me.
I am not saying that this is the guy you are going to marry- he may just not be the one- but don’t cut a guy short just because he’s…well…short!
[Here I go again making a pop culture reference…
Wasn’t there an episode of Friends where Chandler always found something wrong with the woman he was going out with? He always found an excuse not to continue dating someone.
Now, I’m not saying this is what you’re doing, as I am leaning towards what others have said above that you may not really be into the guy and his height is something concrete (tangible even) that you can use.
And I don’t think it’s shallow at all. We all have particular traits we would prefer in a partner. Some we are able to compromise and some we can be “stubborn” about. I was set up with a girl once who was taller than me and I just couldn’t get passed it (I’m 6’0”).
If you’ll feel fake accepting more date invitations from the guy then don’t accept them should he call/e-mail/text. Simply thank him for the invitation, say it was a pleasure meeting him but you aren’t really feeling any type of romantic chemistry.
[Thanks for the advice everyone! I think I’m going to give him another shot and see how it goes…
[What’s with this hangup for some people?
That person could be the love of your life, why would you disqualify them based on height?
I’m not picking on you Anonymous, you said you’d give him another chance. I’m just saying in general that it seems to narrow the window too much.